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What do I do about my boyfriends Psychotic mother?

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, and we're completely in love with each other, we're planning on getting married and moving in together this year after we finish school. But his mother is driving me CRAZY! She absolutely hates me! And I haven't done anything wrong to provoke it, she tells my boyfriend that I'm possessive and clingy and she's never even spoken to me! Every time I'm at her house she doesn't even acknowledge I exist, and if I say hello or anything she completely ignores me! She talks badly about me to my boyfriend even when she knows I can hear her! I don't know what to do, I'm really shy and sensitive so I can't even bring myself to stick up for myself. This is really bothering me, and I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, but I don't know how to fix things with his PSYCHO mother! He knows she's crazy also, he told me that a long time ago. He always tells me just to ignore her and that she's never going to change her opionion of me no matter what. But it's still his MOTHER and I wish that I could form a relationship with her regardless, and it bothers me that I know there's is really nothing I can do to make her like me.

Asked By: LesleyAnn L - 10/8/2006
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Lesley Ann, you have a beautiful name by the way. I am a new mother-in-law going on 5 months worth of experience. But I have been married 26 years, so I had to deal with a monster-in-law myself. She didn't want her baby to get married, she wouldn't have cared if I was the richest woman in the world. Nobody was good... More
Answered By: totallylost - 10/8/2006
Additional Answers (37)
YOU don't fix things with his mother. HE does. HE needs to tell her that she is being rude and disrespectful and if she doesn't start treating you better, you both will not be visiting anymore.
Answered By: just browsin - 10/8/2006
 
Just try to be as nice to her as possible. A lot of mothers get like that when they realize their "babies" are growing up. She could just be nervous about losing him to you. Mothers like that dont ever think any girl is good enough for their son. Dont take it personally. Just do the opposite and be so nice to her that... More
Answered By: Kelli C - 10/8/2006
 
If your boy friend is not on your side and defending you , then you have the wrong boyfriend.
Answered By: Mr.Morgan - 10/8/2006
 
if you are determined to marry this man and put up with his mother, firstly you should speak to your boyfriend about the situation and state is this what you are going to expect from his mother for the rest of your married lives. The other suggestion would be to hang in with the situation till you are married then... More
Answered By: auburn - 10/8/2006
 
Get out now!!. When you marry you do not just marry the person you also marry the family. This woman will not change after you marry. And if you have children the hatred for you will be transferred to the children. Does your boyfriend have brothers or sisters? How does she treat their boy/girlfriends? Better worse. If... More
Answered By: Carlos D - 10/8/2006
 
she knows it bothers you thats why she does it. if you show them it's not bothering you she will quit. try talking to her, see if that helps. or talk to your boyfriend and see if he can help you talk to her. but all of the time, if a person is really phsyco like that then, their not gonna stop. maybe his mother has... More
Answered By: broken_dreams2637 - 10/8/2006
 
"Mother" has a problem and it has little to do with you. This is bound to affect your relationship so I'd refrain from visiting the mother. If boyfriend insists tell him why. And do not give the boyfriend an ultimatum, unless you are prepared to lose him. I may even ask boyfriend to say something to his mother like... More
Answered By: -tequila7+ - 10/8/2006
 
Rise to the occasion, Dear, and treat his mother nothing but kindly and friendly. If she tightens into posturing with you, continue to be a perfect lady with her, and make your escape. She is a bit in denial. She may lose a son, but what she doesn't see yet is what she stands to gain if only she would be civil.
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Answered By: CHRIS - 10/8/2006
 
FIRST DON'T TREAT HER AND CALL HER "PSYCHO" EVEN IF SHE IS? TRY TO TREAT HER WITH KINDNESS, SHE IS YOUR BF MOTHER , NO MATTER WHAT AND AS YOU SAY YOU LOVE HIM A LOT! TRY TO "KILL" HER SOFTLY WITH KINDNESS AND THEN TAKE IT FROM THERE, DO THIS FOR 30 DAYS W/O FAIL, REMEMBER 30 DAYS AND IF SHE IS STILL THE SAME THEN... More
Answered By: romeo t - 10/8/2006
 
Talk with your bf about that... Lots of mothers-in-low do that. Especially from boys side. You are not alone, just don't try to deal with it by yourself. Your bf must knew his mother better to talk with her
Answered By: Everona97 - 10/8/2006
 
I had the same problem with my boyfriends mother. I was with him for 10 years and she never changed. i was too shy to stick up for myself and I was always respectful to her, hoping she would like me for the good person that I am. She was a manipulating, controlling b***h. Mothers like that don't want their sons to grow... More
Answered By: basketcase - 10/8/2006
 
I agree with what's been said, then again have you told him just how upset his mothers attitude/comments are making you? If he doesn't know he can't fix it... More
Answered By: Raven - 10/8/2006
 
shes either over protective of her son or she is jelous in that case jump into bed with her if not stay clear for a while and let her son decide am i going to get thumbs down for that answer
Answered By: gobblygook - 10/8/2006
 
Too bad and if you don't change your relationship with her, you will never be accepted. What ever you do, don't ever call your boyfriend a Mommies Boy or a Mommies b***h. It is the worse form of insult and abuse a woman can give to her man. Your boyfriend wants to please both his girlfriend and his Mother... More
Answered By: Norskeyenta - 10/8/2006
 
It bothers me that you call her a psycho. My abusive ex son-in law refered to me as psycho b***h.I paid the bills and babysat for free and he wouldn't even get up and go to work. So how about not calling her names and deal with just the behavior?If you marry this guy what will change?Nothing. It will be a constant... More
Answered By: nancy e - 10/8/2006
 
Tell your boyfriend to talk to his mother and tell him that his mother is driving you crazy. Tell him that you love him, but that his mother needs to get to know you before she makes judgements about you. Her problem may be that she does not want to part from her baby boy because he is all she has since his father died... More
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Answered By: Andrea - 10/8/2006
 
I really feel so sympsthetic for you , you poor girl, i recon in my experience you are doing fine just being who you are, if you bad mouthed her or argued with her youd be the bad guy, you boy friend must obviously love you the way you are or he would of ended things before now cause his mum sound so domonering, i say... More
Answered By: stary eyes - 10/8/2006
 
i had sort of the same problem. my now mother in law thought she could talk to people any kind of way. she used to talk to her other son gorlfriend any kinda way. but one day she called herself trying that stuff with me and i had to put her in her place. today we are the best of friends.
Answered By: keedy8300 - 10/8/2006
 
all you can do is to keep your cool as hard as it might see. if you respect her sometimes you have to put up so much until some one draws the line: if she is driving you insane next time you are at her house with your fiance, and she talks trash about you tell her that you do not appreciate your future-mother in law... More
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Answered By: icycrissy27blue - 10/8/2006
 
RUN!! Mother-in-laws like that only get worse!!!!
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Answered By: jerseymilo9 - 10/8/2006
 
TRUST ME.I KNOW THIS FEELS MATE. JUST LET IT GO. BECAUSE WHETHER SHE LIKES IT OR NOT YOU WILL BE WITH HIM ONCE THE WEDDING IS DONE AND OVER WITH.ME AND MY FIANCEE ARE HAPPY AND SHE REALIZED THAT I MAKE HIM HAPPY.EVENTUALLY SHE WILL SEE THAT AND YOU AND HER WILL BE FINE.
Answered By: Princess - 10/8/2006
 
There is nothing you can do. It would be a big advantage though if your bf told his mother (in front of you) that she is mean without reason to you and not only does it hurt you, but him also... More
Answered By: Robere - 10/8/2006
 
Wow, this ring a bell with me. I have been married 30 yrs and my husbands mother was psycho too. She talked to me but I was never good enough for her son. This is the case with you. No woman will ever be good enough for him. So she is doing her best to split you up, don;t allow it. First you need to talk with your guy... More
Answered By: Nevada Pokerqueen - 10/8/2006
 
well, you say he sticks up for you, but if its still happening and he lets it, then really hes not doing anything about it. I was in a similar situation before, only his mother did talk to me, but you could easily tell she didnt like me. He started at first saying his mom was just like that and tried to tell her not... More
Answered By: angeldust_599 - 10/8/2006
 
Just remember you don't just marry a person, you marry the entire family. Choose wisely, it should be for the rest of your life. Do you want her to be a grandma to your kids? Its your choice.
Answered By: Blondie Z - 10/8/2006
 
move far far away or you will have the problem for the rest of your marriage ...or give your husband the ideas to find her some hobbies and friends ..she maybe very lonely and need help..but make sure he belives it is his idea..volunteer and senior activies a cult..haha...ok just move
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Answered By: centexwinglessangel - 10/8/2006
 
The fact that you referred to her as psycho/psychotic shows that you are not 100% faultless. Dont get me wrong, she may have started it without justification... but at this point you are giving her reason to carry it on... More
Answered By: Trixie - 10/8/2006
 
talk to him
Answered By: awommack - 10/8/2006
 
She would be like this to any girl he'd date. She's just angry that she's no longer the woman in his life. He's moved on to you being the #1 in his life now and she feels replaced, put on the sidelines so to say. My mother in law, tried to control the planning of my wedding to how she would do it because she only... More
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Answered By: Firecracker! - 10/8/2006
 
You say finish school -- high school or college? If you are over 18, you can take her out to lunch and talk to her. It sounds like she may be threatened by you. Ot that there are other factors you are not relating. It sounds like you don't like her, either. Have you spoken to your own mother or other adult about... More
Answered By: Isabella - 10/8/2006
 
I'm getting married next year..I have dealt with his crazy mother AND grandmother for almost 4 years, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. (And yes, he knows they're crazy also). First, if he loves you, he should stand up for you. It's is responsibility to talk to her and find out why she is treating you... More
Answered By: abbya11111 - 10/8/2006
 
Tap the old B***h on the head ! and you and your Boyfriend will live happily ever after!
Answered By: willywonka - 10/8/2006
 
Darling , this kind of thing is genetic, If you don't want your kids to be just like this you need to split up with this guy right now. M
Answered By: mesmerized - 10/8/2006
 
she's probs just a bit worried about losing her little boy all mother in laws are the same,you just have to ride it out,but never disrespect her even if he is,she is his mother after all,although she is a pain in the arse,piss her off by always smiling at her,don,t let her think she has any effect on yr relationship,as... More
Answered By: robertboozychic - 10/9/2006
 
HE NEEDS TO STCK UP FOR YOU HE NEEDS TO TELL HIS MOTHER THAT SHE IS BEING UNFAIR AND IF SHE STILL DONT EXCEPT YOU THEN HE SHOULD DO WHAT I DID MOVE OUT! MY MUM WOULDNT EXCEPT ME N MY BF AND SO BY PUSHING HIM AWAY SHE PUSHED ME AWAY. GOOD LUCK
Answered By: paintballer_on_ice - 10/9/2006
 
I think with time, she will come to realise that you aren't going anyway and you and your boyfriend are serious... More
Answered By: lucyt20 - 10/9/2006
 
I was in a similar situation but eventually, my boyfriend snapped (not surprisingly) and said that the three of us should sit down and discuss any problems we have...even though our relationship isn't anything to do with her, it would still put things to rest. Suggest this to your boyfriend but as some people have... More
Answered By: pinkditz86 - 10/9/2006
 
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