can u please help me write this essay better?im not done yet but how can i make it better so far?
A pediatrician is a doctor who specializes in the care and development of children and in the prevention and treatment of children’s diseases. They work to reduce infant and child mortality, control infectious diseases, foster healthy lifestyles, and ease the day-to-day difficulties of children and adolescents with chronic conditions. So basically they take care of kids, from birth to 21 years of age. Last week, I had the pleasure to interview my co-workers sister, Melissa Martinez. Dr. Martinez is a pediatrician at Valley Pediatric center. My interview took place at an Italian restaurant called Olive Garden. I was excited to have the opportunity to find out what a pediatrician is all about. The morning sun warmed out that Saturday. It was around two p.m. when I arrived to the restaurant. I entered the front doors and to my right I immediately spotted Dr.Martinez, a thin, tall, in her mid-forties lady, sitting in a corner table enjoying a cup of coffee. I walked over to the table and she promptly stood up and greeted me with a firm handshake. The restaurant had a delicious, appetizing aroma. As we were anticipating for our warm meals, I asked Dr. Martinez what she enjoyed about being a pediatrician. “I enjoy everything about my job, and I think that most people who choose a career in pediatric feel the same way,” she proudly said. “What about things that you don’t like about being a pediatrician?,” I asked. She started describing a few things she did not enjoy. “ I don’t like to see kids crying and being in pain, but unfortunately, I’ve had to learn how to deal with that,” Dr. Martinez said. She also said that working with insurance companies can get difficult at times. After a few minutes, a short, young lady wearing black slacks, and a white long sleeve collar shirt brought our tasty food. The food looked mouth-watering and ready to be eaten. Enjoying our food, Dr. Martinez started explaining what influenced her in becoming a pediatrician. She said she always wanted to be a doctor since she was a little kid. During her third year of attending medical school, she started working with patients such as delivering babies, internal medicine, family practice and pediatrics. “I enjoyed pediatrics and taking care of children the most,” she said staring directly into my eyes behind her roundish glasses. I told her that ever sine I was a little kid, my affection for kids had always been enormous also. Her professionalism, courtesy, and understanding were helping me understand the pediatric field a little better. Wiping some spaghetti sauce from my lips, I asked Dr. Martinez what was the future for pediatrics. “Pediatrics have a strong future,” Dr. Martinez said with a very confident look, ‘’as long as people keep having babies there will always be a need for pediatricians.” As I asked “What is a typical day for a pediatrician?,” she started explaining her day from beginning to end. “ Well, my day usually begins by going to the hospital to visit any new babies or sick children that have been hospitalized,” she began. “Next, office hours usually begin at 9:00 and continue until 5:00 p.m. with an hour of lunch in between,” she said. Dr. Martinez explained that during office hours, pediatricians see kids who are sick, for example ear infections or stomachaches, as well as well child appointments, such as when kids go for their checkups and shots.
Asked By: hottie88 - 10/17/2006
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I'm just gonna do some editions for you... More
Answered By: two_eighty_eight - 10/17/2006
Additional Answers (8)
I think it's good except for a few lines such as "I enter the front doors and to my right and I immediately spotted Dr Martinez, a thin, tall, in her mid fourties lady. You may want to shorten that to "I enter the restaurant and immediately spotted Dr Martinez, a thin, tall lady who look like she's in her mid fourties... More
Answered By: Rollercoaster - 10/17/2006
Start with a hook, a quote from the pediatrician, or a question such as . . ."Say ahhh! Do you want a sticker or a lolliop? this won't hurt a bit." then tell about your thoughts and feelings about pediatricians before you interviewed them, then conclude it with a quote that you remember the most from the interview.
Answered By: klmita - 10/17/2006
You are mostly telling me what happen at the restaurant. You start about what a pediatrician does for a profession and then you go to your interview. You need to develop a thesis and have three main points that support your evidence. It sounds like a good paper but you need to have everything worked out in order. All... More
Answered By: pere4220 - 10/17/2006
Instead of saying 'coworkers sister', it should read 'coworker's sister, Dr. Melissa Martinez.' Leave out where you interviewed, but leave in the sentence about you being exicted, leave out the part about the sun to anticipating the warm meals, but leave in the rest of the sentence. Leave out the word 'proudy'. Leave... More
Answered By: sharptooth3 - 10/17/2006
A pediatrician is a doctor who specializes in the care and development of children and in the prevention and treatment of children’s diseases. They work to reduce infant and child mortality, control infectious diseases, foster healthy lifestyles, and ease the day-to-day difficulties of children and adolescents with... More
Answered By: JB - 10/17/2006
Hope you can take some constructive criticism! Your essay isn't bad, but it could stand a few changes. And there are some things about your style you could develop more... More
Answered By: Missy - 10/17/2006
It's good that you added from birth to age 21, but "So basically" doesn't sound good... More
Answered By: phaig93 - 10/17/2006
Sorry but it doesnt really sound like an essay ... sound more like those " this summer I......"
Answered By: Megan g - 10/17/2006
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