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Is this proper?

I have just recently announced who my attendants will be in my up-coming wedding. So none of my sisters would feel slighted I named them all bridesmaids and chose my bestfriend to be my matron of honor.
She immediantly set to planning my bridal shower. She has even made the invitations. She has all of the plans in order.
My older sisters still feels slighted that she wasn't named matron of honor. She says it is her job to throw me a bridal shower.
Everyone I know says it is the job of the matron of honor. My sister says that is wrong. And has set about planning a bridal shower for the same day and time as the one my bestfriend is planning.
Who gets to throw the bridal shower? Is it my sister or my matron of honor? And if they both throw one at the same time which one am I obligated to be at cause there is no way I can be at both.

Asked By: Little Angel - 4/23/2007
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Your sister is acting like an immature spoiled brat. It sounds to me like she is used to getting what she wants and doesn't care what others think. She needs to grow up.
I would simply tell her that you wanted to avoid pitting your sisters against each other and didn't want any of them to feel slighted so you chose your bestfriend.
Maybe they could reach a compromise. Maybe they could work on the bridal shower together. With each footing half the bill. Like one take say entertainment, food, decorations. And the other one take venue, invitations, and party favors.
Another suggestion is that one of them changes the date of their party if they can't agree to work together. After all who says a bride can only have one bridal shower. My older sister actually had three.
If they decide to have two different showers maybe each of them could take a different theme. There are several different themes they could choose from.

01. Tea Party Shower:
serve tea and finger foods.
02. Room of The House Shower:
Each guest is assigned a particular room of the house and brings a gift that would be used in that room.
03. Lingerie Shower:
Each guest brings their favorite lingerie item for the bride.
04. Christmas Ornament Shower:
Each guest brings an ornament for the new couple to use on their christmas tree.
05. Garden Party Shower:
Usually set in the garden and guests bring gifts for the bride to use in a garden of her own.
06. Stock the Bar Shower:
Guest bring gifts that the new couple to use in their home bar (should they have on).
07. Month of the Year Shower:
Each guest is assigned a month of the year and brings a gift that the new couple could use in that particular month.
08. Favorite Memories Shower:
Each guest brings a gift that is associated with their favorite memorable moment with the bride.
09. Pajamas Theme Shower:
Guests arrive in their PJ's the night is filled with fun things for girls to do such as facials, manicures, pedicures, and lots of girl talk.
10. Stock the Pantry Shower:
As you may have guessed guests bring different items to help the new couple stock the pantry in their new home. An added variation is the guests canned goods for the couples new home and remove the labels so that the couple is surprised when they open a particular can. They don't know what they are getting.
11. Honeymoon Shower:
Guests bring gifts that the new couple could use on their honeymoon.
12. Around the Clock Shower:
Each guest is assigned a certain time of day and brings a git that would be appropriate for that time.
13. Recipe Shower
Guests are asked to bring their favorite dish as in a potluck and to write up the recipe for the bride.

Your sister could chose one of these themes and your matron of honor could chose a different one. That way both would get the honor of throwing you a bridal shower and you would get a variety of things that would be needed for your new life.
Congratulations on your engagement.
Answered By: Amy C - 4/23/2007
Additional Answers ()
Sounds like your sister is a little jealous. You should sit her down and be blunt. Tell her you didn't want to hurt any of your sisters feelings and that is why you picked your best friend over all of them. Maybe enlist your other sisters in helping her understand. It is the matron of honors job to plan the bridal shower, but maybe your best friend and your sister could work together on it, instead of against each other. I hope this all works out for you.
Answered By: cyndaylou - 4/23/2007
Your sister is being a big baby! You should attend the shower that your matron of honor is having and let all your friends/family know that they should be attending that shower as well. Tell your sister that she can simply have a shower on another day. It's not unusual for more than one person to throw a shower for the bride.
Answered By: Lyndalu_98 - 4/23/2007
Grown women really should figure out how to get along, and I think it's ridiculous of your sister to plan a second shower when your friend is planning hers. They should all be planning together.

If they can't plan together, then your sister needs to change her plans, especially since your friend has gotten so far with the planning.

My best advice though is to discuss it with them once, then stay out of the middle of it. Make your wishes clear the first time - that you want them to get along and you want to enjoy this process. Tell them that you love them both and you don't want anyone's feelings hurt. They really need to work this out between them and not drag you into the middle of it.
Answered By: Silver_Stars - 4/23/2007
Generally the maid/matron of honor will plan the bridal shower, with the help of the bridesmaids.

Your sister needs to get over that you didn't ask her to be the matron of honor. I would talk to your mom, and have her explain to her daughter, ever so gently <eg> that SHE has already had her wedding, and she needs to be supportive of her sister (YOU) now. If your mom won't do it, then do it yourself, and don't worry about being gentle. I would only say she's got something to get upset over (maybe) if you were her maid of honor at her wedding. If not, tell her to get over herself, the wedding is about you, not her!

If she insists on having a shower at the same time as the one your matron of honor is throwing, tell her point blank you won't be there. She really needs to get a grip here. Sorry she's putting you through this right now. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
Answered By: basketcase88 - 4/23/2007
The matron of honor is supposed to throw you a bridal shower. That is the one I would attend. It sounds as if your sisters are jealous and they want to ruin your bridal shower. I think you did the right thing in not choosing one sister over the other. You're doing the right thing, don't stress over it and let your sister ruin an important and special event.
Answered By: peppermint - 4/23/2007
Your sister should understand that since it is your wedding, you are obligated to assign the roles of the attendees. You gave her the honor of being a bride's maid. and that should be enough. Your best friend is your BEST FRIEND. Of course you will have her as the matron of honor. This is what most of my female acquaintances did when they got married. Do what YOU feel is right., if you feel you made the right decision, then stick by it.
Answered By: Pilt Down McMann - 4/23/2007
Your bridesmaids are supposed to be supporting you not making you feel bad or making you make hard decisions! Tell your sister that she's putting you in a really hard position and maybe she could throw the bachelorette party instead? I've always thought it was the maid-of-honor who did the bridal shower, but maybe she could have asked for help and advice from the other attendants.
Answered By: Draba123 - 4/23/2007
As far as I know, it is the job of the matron of honor to throw the Bridal Shower (and it is the job of the bridesmaids to assist in throwing it). However, you can also have more than one shower (many people do). Perhaps you could let your sister throw you something with just your family present, at a different time than your other shower (have invitations already gone out for both showers?). That way you can tell your sister that you really appreciate her wanting to do something for you, and you want both her and your Matron of Honor to be part of planning, and celebrating your marriage.

This is your special wedding, you only get one (hopefully) so don't let anyone stress you out with what they think you should be doing, do what makes you comfortable and happy.
Answered By: Haley D - 4/23/2007
The shower should be a collaberation effort. If your sister(s) have a problem with that, then they should check with the MOH to see who wants to throw the bachelorette party and the shower. But its your day... They shouldnt be fighting about this.
Answered By: Rita D - 4/23/2007
All of my bridesmaids planned my shower together. One was responsible for invitations, one for the cake, one for decorations, one for games, and one for the main dish. Then they all brought side dishes. It worked out really well because everyone was equally involved.
Answered By: greeneyes_bjb - 4/23/2007
The matron of honor is in charge of EVERYTHING. That said, she should involve your other bridesmaids in all of the planning. While she is the head honcho she should be getting input from the other bridesmaids. It isn't just her job, she's just the boss, ya know?
Answered By: autumnshadz - 4/23/2007
Its the matron of honor. im in a wedding coming up for my best friend and im her matron of honor and its my duty to plan the bridal showers, it how i've always been told its done. if your sister has a problem with that why dont you have she and the matron do it together. theres nothing wrong with that. it my duty to plan the bridal shower but the other girls are equally helping.
Answered By: rowan_kristy - 4/23/2007
The matron of honor is the planner for the party-NOT your sister.
Answered By: Yoyo - 4/23/2007
It is the matron of honors responsibility to through the shower but it is okay to have more then one shower if you have enough guests that they can be split up (matron of honor does friends, co-workers, etc - sister does cousins, aunts, etc) Of course, they can't be on the same day though!!

Try talking to each girl and asking them to make a compromise. They can each have a shower with a different guest list. Your MIH had her date booked first. so your sister will need to pick a different date.

If your sister can not be reasonable - then you need to inform her that you will be not be at her shower. Your MIH had hers "booked" first, it is her responsibility and you obviously can not go to both if she refuses to have hers later on.
Source(s):
Answered By: Chrys - 4/23/2007
Usually it is the MOH who throws the shower but I have seen some instances of the whole bridal party planning it (a shower can be a lot of work for one person!). Did your MOH ask any of the other girls in your bridal party if they wanted to help plan with her? If she did and your sister didn't want to help, she is being very petty and immature. On the other hand, if your MOH didn't ask I can see where your sister would be hurt, though planning another party for you on the same day is still very immature.
Answered By: lalala - 4/23/2007
Talk with both of them both and see about hyaving one of the bridal showers date changed
Answered By: Britt - 4/23/2007
Tell your sister to grow up, its not her day its yours, and if she really wanted you to be happy she will stop being such a drama queen about it, and just let your best friend throw it. If she really wanted to do this for you why don't she ask your best friend if there is anything she can do to help her make this a special day for you!
Answered By: lishamarie3 - 4/23/2007
Oh dear! You better get this fixed quick! It is technically the maid or matron of honor's job to host the shower.

The honor attendant rarely does all the work herself though! Most of the time the bridesmaids help. So, when your honor gal made all the plans without asking any of the others to help, she hurt their feelings. She should have asked them to help.

Your sister is hurt and is now working out of spite. You need to talk to them both. They should not make you choose one over the other. Explain to your honor attendant that she really hurt some feelings by not asking the b'maids to be a part. Tell the sister that your friend just didn't realize what the etiquette was and she didn't mean to hurt her.

See if your sister will throw the lingerie shower or bach. party instead. You might consider giving another task to sister as well, just to make her feel a little more important. Like let her have the first toast or give a reading or something.
Source(s):
I'm a wedding planner.
Answered By: valschmal - 4/23/2007
It sounds like your sister is very jealous. Since you referred to her as matron of honor, I will assume she is married, so she obviously knows it is the job of the maid of honor to organize and host the shower. You need to talk with her and tell her you will not be attending the shower she is planning and you would really appreciate her stopping her planning of her shower.
Answered By: melouofs - 4/23/2007
I would tell her that if she wants to plan a bridal shower for you then go right ahead. And you can invite all your family to the one that your sister is doing and have it on a different day and time and help with the planning of it so seh won't feel left out. But if you don't want to do that then be honest with her. Tell her that since you have more than one sister and you didn't want them to feel like you love one more that you made you best friend MOH. If she can't get over than then take her out of the wedding because all she will do is make it moer stressful for you in the end.
Answered By: supermom12042702 - 4/23/2007
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I have to get an electrican to fix an overloaded circuit and possible short. so do you tip and if so, how much?
4 answers - Asked By: speedlvr_8 - 12/29/2005
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