First of all let me say your brave and I understand where you're comming from...
I have a sister that is 34 yrs old and lives at home with 2 kids. My father recently passed away. They were getting ready to retire. Needless to say he would have retired sooner but he was more focused on helping my stister out and keeping their lives going.
Sad but true. Now my mom had a job and cares for them, which she does not pay rent, bills, etc, and it's a struggle for her. Long story, the situation has not changed but I hope you make a better decesion than my mother.
First of all you want to be fair. Now, is it fair to you that they don't contribute, or pay rent, clean, etc....? And who's house is it?
Yes, the sister should pay more rent, twice the food, twice the groceries, water, etc..... She needs to get a relaity check.... If she were on her own she will be paying a lot more then what she is paying now. You need to sit down with all of them seperate figure out how much they make, and then come to an agreement. The as for they boys too....
You need to make a chore wheel, and you need to have a plan when or how long they are going to stay and how long you are going to let them stay too... Letting how long they stay should be a conversation between you and you husband.
These are the golden years of your life and Marriage, Don't wasted the time you have now. You done your time, now it's moms time. You might have to give tough love, otherwise they are going to walk all over you.
This is your life, enjoy it!!!! Travel, do what you want to do, make a plan and stick to it... Otherwise your going to regret that you did not see the grand cayon etc......
Yes you love your grandchildern and your kids, but they need to be adults, not adults with a maid and a money bank to support them.... If you don't do it now, they will never learn. You think parenting stops when they are grown, but once a mother always a mother, mean, nice, or grandmother etc....
Best if luck to you, and stick to your gun on this and make sure you and your husband back each other up... Sure there will be attitudes, but if you could deal with it then, I know you can deal with it now.
Answered By: orangie - 6/16/2007 |
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As parents we have a responsability to make sure when our children go out on their own they are ready for the responsability. I would have a family sit down with the exception of the young children. Young children don't need to know about your financial problems or be involved with difficult conversations. I would disscus with the older children that you just can not afford to be taking financial responsablity for everyone. I would work a budget out with eachone of them, determine how much they would have to pay in food, and rent if they were on their own, take in consideration their personal bills. Then take a portion of what their food and rent would, put the food money towards the current household expenses and put the rent money into a savings account for them. That way when they are ready to leave they have some money saved so they can move out. I agree the daughter should pay a little more because she has two children of her own, but take into consideration the sons typically eat more than daughters. Explain to them that the money they are giving you for rent is being saved for them but the money that they are giving for food, is for all of the household expenses.
Answered By: Deb - 6/16/2007 |
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I think your request is fair. These are full grown adults who, ideally, should be supporting themselves. You are wonderful to support them and bring them back home to help them. I think, however, that it has become a burden on you, and it's completely reasonable and fair to ask them to help out financially.
IMO if they were on their own, they'd pay much more than $300 a month. If you made them go out and buy their own groceries, hit the laundromat, etc... they'd pay that now anyway. The 17 old is exempt IMO because he's 17. The others have the wonderful ability and right to choose between paying you $xx to help out, or moving out on their own. I don't know what to suggest with the little ones... perhaps add $25-$50 for each, to cover their food/household expenses?
One other thought - my MIL charged her son rent when he moved back, but saved a portion - and when he moved out she gave him that portion to help him put down the security deposit on his home. If you think they can afford to pay more than just what you need to cover the monthly expenses, that may be a good idea for you, to help them get out, and not be able to complain that they can't afford to leave because they're paying you.
To heck with everybody else - you know what they need, you know what you need. I think it's wonderful that your children know they can count on you when they need you, and wonderful that you are there, and want them to be responsible also.
Answered By: ~Biz~ - 6/16/2007 |
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20?f their pay would be good. Then make them give you another 20?or you to keep until they are ready to move out. 40?f their pay to you would get them motivated to move out on their own.
Answered By: Single Dad - 6/16/2007 |
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100 bux a week, thats a lot but you are also paying for toiletries and food... and the utilities.. 100 is only 400 a month, that's less than what your probably actually paying but its reasonable.
Answered By: mommy_to_mason2006 - 6/15/2007 |
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Have them pay what they can afford, it may not all be the same amount, sit down with each of them and come up with a reasonable amount. What one pays isn't the other's business.
Adults with jobs should be buying their own soap, shampoo, razors, toothpaste and any other toiletries like that.
Answered By: steffers27 - 6/15/2007 |
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I would charge each sibling $115/week. I figured that by taking $500/month x 12 months / 52 weeks. I don't feel that is much to ask considering that the cheapest rent that I know of for an apartment is $500 per month and that doesn't include all the utilites, food, and probably maid service that you are providing.
Answered By: User103443 - 6/15/2007 |
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THEY'RE UR FREAKING KIDS! YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM PAY RENT FOR STAYING IN YOUR HOUSE! u are horrible parents! go get another part time job to pay for them, but you can't make your own kids and grandkids pay RENT for coming to "live" in your house for a short period of time no matter how much you have to pay for them. you can ask them to buy their own needs, but you can't have them pay you rent.
p.s. have them buy their own toilet paper and razors and have them do their laundry themselves so they have to buy their own detergent, and have THEM alternate going grocery shopping so that they can buy the food. it's more reasonable than having them pay you RENT!!
Answered By: sally b - 6/15/2007 |
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It is hard to say what is fair. It depends on where you live and what kind of money everyone is making ( earning).
I think every one should buy their own groceries. They should all buy their own toiletries. You should divide the utilities equall among you all.
Answered By: jackdinah - 6/15/2007 |
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On average, how much do you spend a month on groceries? (food and non-food). Devide that by the number of people in the house, then make everyone pay their fair share. Also consider your household costs, rent and utilities. You can also devide that up. If you don't want to do the rent, at least the utilities cause all those people, I'm sure your electric is quite a bit. Once you figure out how much this comes to, sit them all down and say here is what we're going to do. You will pay so much every week cause your dad and I just cannot afford to support you all on our own. You are earning money and it is only fair that you help out. Good luck.
Answered By: djmom11 - 6/15/2007 |
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When my brother and I moved back home we each contributed money to the household each month. He didn't make a lot so he just gave $50-100 and I paid $300 plus bought the food I liked and I paid for all my own toiletries. I didn't feel right living there without helping. I talked to my brother about doing extra housework because he wasn't able to contribute that much financially and was home for the most part all day. Everyone in your household should be doing their share. It's not cheap to live anymore nowadays.
Answered By: chriztina9876 - 6/15/2007 |
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I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I sat down and figured out approximately how much I spent on everything every month, and I made my grown kids pay a certain percentage. You should at least make them pay 1/3 a piece. Your daughter could kick in a little more since she has two kids. I think that would be more than fair! They should respect the fact that you are still providing a roof over their head. Much luck to you!
Answered By: gabbee55 - 6/15/2007 |
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Well, i think if i were you i would look at the electric bill, the rent bill, the taxes, and the water bill. divide it between everyone who lives in the house so everyone pays an equal portion.
yes i think the daughter and her boyfriend or husband should pay for her two kids and herself and the boys should pay for themselves also.
without looking at your rent or anything, i would say roughly
the fair thing would be to have your daughter pay $300 each month and your sons should pay $100 each month.
Answered By: Surrahh :D - 6/15/2007 |
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I would agree with the boys that your daughter should pay a bit more if you are supplying everything right down to possibly diapers and the special deserts and treats and cereal that only the babies really use. 20 years ago parents were charging us kids when we turned 18 and no longer going to school at least $50 a week now a days I think a fair pay for the kids would be $75 to $100 per week and maybe an extra $10 or $20 for the grand babies a week I wish you the best of luck Think of the movie "Failure to Launch"
Answered By: lynx - 6/15/2007 |
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First. I admire the fact that you have welcomed everyone back into your home. That is not easy to say the least.
It is easy to say.. if they move back they rent but at the same time circumstance could change that.
You have already brought up the subject and they have balked (your sons at least from what i read above)
The FAIR thing is this.....
Find out how much apartments are in your area. If you have some that include things like water/electric all the better. Each child would have different wants/needs etc. so you would take that into account. Here is a break down in my area putting myself into your position...
Get the price of the apartment that they would live in.. Effecnecy, 2 bedroom etc. Charge them that. They may balk but then mention the costs of electric, gas, food, etc etc that they are NOT paying so they still save money. As it will not cost you the rent to let them stay you use the money for things like food and toilet paper and other needs. This gives them a cost break, but also makes them realize they are not getting a free ride.
Of course you have to take the circumstances into account.. IE did they recently get a cut in pay where they can not afford to pay any rent? things like that.
Answered By: Richard_M_TX - 6/15/2007 |
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Sit down with them and find out what each can afford.
Answered By: connie o - 6/15/2007 |
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I am not sure abou the amount you should charge them for rent but you might start with making them buy there own things, shampoo and other bathroom things, along with laundry supplies.
I can not believe that two grown children would move back home with out the idea of having to help out with bills.
As for food cost, sit down and figure out what it cost and split it up. If that person has a problem then tell the fine buy your own food but do not touch what is in the kitchen.
You might also look into what the going rate for rent is in the town you live in and go from there. Tell them people do not charge by how many are in the house and neither will you. If your sons do not like the amount then they are more then welcome to MOVE and pay rent somewhere else.
With paying rent your children need to make sure they are helping with the house hold chores, cleaning, cooking, lawn and garbage up keep. You are not there maid and/or there cook.
Good Luck
Answered By: cathy - 6/15/2007 |
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The only way to do it "fair" is to do it portionally, but you can do it weekly. I will add a few guessing values for the sake of giving an amount but adjust them to your actual spending. Figure out the average you are spending on groceries let's say $200/week, the average on necessities t.p., razors, laundry soap, say $100/week. Then your add your utilities electric $250, water $100, gas $100, phone $50 so that is about $500/month or $125/week so all together groceries, utilities, necessities would be about $425/week. There are four different parties in the household: your husband and you, daughter and kids, and 2 sons, so divide that by four and you get about $105/week at minimum. You might want to consider charging actual rent over what they consume to help with your rent/mortgage. I would say that with everything being provided $150-$200/week (given these circumstances) would be fair...of course if you spend more adjust accordingly.
EDIT:
About the cleaning up. I know most would say, make them clean up after themselves...but I bet you already say that until you are blue in the face not to mention it will only get it straightened up, not vacuumed and dusted. Try dividing the house into equal parts. Living room, den, bathroom and hall, kitchen, and yard. Assign one area per day or time period (before breakfast/lunch/dinner) to each so:
husband/self: living room
son A: yard
son B: den
son C: bathroom and hall
daughter: kitchen
Then rotate the chores after each meal or each day/week, whatever works best. Personally I would also make the one who has kitchen duty have cooking duty as well, but you've got to find what works for you.
Give them a time it must be done by like your area must be cleaned before meal/bed/work or all of the above. This would be a no tolerance rule "do it or get out." Make sure each has their own hamper and does their own laundry and rooms. If any of their laundry finds their way into your own, just throw it in their room, same goes for stray shoes and whatnots. If they leave it out of place throw it in their space and let them deal with it. Of course if they are really bad about their space you might have to set some limits on that as well or you might end up with some funky smells.
Source(s):
My sister-in-law and husband, her grown daughter and 3 children, are currently boarding with us until they can buy a place so I can sympathize. Good luck!
Answered By: pebble - 6/15/2007 |
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For a boarding house type of service, which you are providing, It would not be unreasonable to charge your sons $100/wk each and $150/wk for the daughter and her children. If everyone is pitching in and helping with chores. This would give you $350/wk to cover costs.
If they are no help around the house then It should be $200/wk per son and $250/wk for the daughter and her kids. This would give you $650/wk to cover costs and extra work.
Answered By: DonPedro - 6/15/2007 |
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Try 1/4 of their take home pay for rent and another 1/4 of their take home pay also goes to you to be saved for deposits, etc. for when they ready to move out. If you are providing all utilities, food, toiletries, etc., 1/2 of their income should be enough to pay for any car insurance, cell phone, or whatever bills they may have. It will encourage them to get out on their own and save up some money to make it possible.
Answered By: Mom of 4 - 6/15/2007 |
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For certain they should be paying their way in the house. Otherwise you're a free hotel- turn down service included! I think that when it comes to grandchilren, they stay free. They aren't working, knowledgable, self sufficient adults. All three should have a set amount to pay every 2 weeks (since that is usually a pay period). As for the children of your daughter, any diapers, toiletries, etc can be bought by her for them & the boys should hear that so they understand that they are being provided for by their mother for the majority of their necessities. If the boys want to dispute even further, they can start to act like grown men and stop acting like "she got more marshmallows in her hot cocoa than me!". To start I would see how much your bills have increased. Check your groceries, electricity, water, and gas- divide how much extra your bills are with them by 3 (2 boys, 1girl) and also add to each portion how much their "rent" for using your house is. If they are using your vehicles, you may want to take into account a few extra dollars for that (if you want). I would say anywhere from $100 every 2 wks for rent would be a reasonable low (that would be $200/mos). Some 1 bedroom apartments can be found for $400 depending on where you live. Very reasonable to pay such a low amount for using your home to get on their feet. They are paying their way but catching a break at the same time so they can use their time to prepare w/o putting you head under.
I'm guessing feeding 5 adults and 4 children cost a LOT more than feeding 2 adults and 2 children!
Answered By: monkey_kins - 6/15/2007 |
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Well, that's hard to answer, but here's a way to break it down.
So, you know how much your mortgage costs you per month. Can you estimate what groceries and toiletries would cost you if it was just the two of you, say for a week? Then, subtract that from what you do spend now. What about utilities? Surely those went up with having the whole family there. Can you guestimate how much?
Now, the kid's effect on finances - in comparison to an adult, how much do they eat or use in terms of toiletries? Say 1/3? Do they share a room?
I'd say okay, you'd be paying the mortgage whether they're there or not, but they're there and should help. I'd say fair would be have them as a unit pay half. Divvy it up by bedrooms - if your daughter's kids are sharing one room and she has another, and each son has one room, then daughter pays one quarter total mortgage, sons each one eighth.
I'd be surprised if the kids use the phone much. Or increase electricity usage, or hot water. Divy the increase in utilitiy cost (and maybe cable if you have it, since chances are you don't get to watch your own cable anymore!) equally between your three returned kids.
Food! How much do two little kids eat? How much do your sons eat compared to your daughter? You know what your grocery bills are - divy them up for a week, add it in.
Add it all up, and you've got a lump sum per won't-leave-the-nester.
Edit # 1 - you know what? I fully agree with the poster above me, who says "Grandchildren stay free." She's totally right, and I agree with her reasons. Divide it all up equally between adults.
Answered By: melanie - 6/15/2007 |
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Print this and show it to your loving yet using children!
Anyone over the age of 18-19, pays the same.........sit down figure your bills PHONE, ELECTRIC, TV-COMPUTER,WATER, FOOD<whatever---you did your job as parents you nor the world owes them nothing, yet you love them so here they are, but some of the greatest people came from less than hand to mouth families and current problems are not circumstancial, any thing you want to give the grandbabies is your treat everyone else pay up!!!!! Grandbabies are a treat, and helpless..... the other wingless birds have seen the door before! Also, until they have there own families they will not know that this is the time you and your husband should be starting to rejoice and love your "empty nest" and your "other years". Then ask for a "life plan" if you will.. from each of them! Quick Goals! Mc Donalds I hear may pay even 10$ an hour and benifits! How humble are they? And how much is your own fault! Your kids are in your house because of you, now do something about it! What did they not get or need right now? .......... But stop wiping there behinds right now!!!!! Wish you the world and good luck! IT IS SO HARD!!
Answered By: Monique - 6/15/2007 |
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I agree they should pay rent, but no one online can tell you what is fair. Each child is different depending on their circumstances. While your daughter takes up more space and more food for her kids, she may make less money and surely has more bills to pay for the kids. Base everyone's rent on their income, and don't open the debate to your children. It is your home, and what you do is not their business.
You also will need to be firm with them that is temporary and you do expect them to move out by x date. Now a days it seems parents are too willing to take back in their grown children.
Answered By: liastele - 6/15/2007 |
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Your daughter should pay for everything pertaining to the kids...as well as $100 a week...The boys should pay $100 a week too
Answered By: jujubeprincess - 6/15/2007 |
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Make a list of all your bills and estimate how much everybody uses. For example, food. Your daughter would obviously have to pay more towards groceries because of her two kids. Id say your plan sounds fair enough. $50 a week for the boys, $75 for your daughter. They should definitely help you out. They have jobs, are adults, and you shouldnt have to support their every need. Do they realize where they would be without you? Do they have any idea how much more they would be paying if they didnt live with you? I would kill to pay $200 a month for my rent! Well maybe not kill, but you get the idea.
One more thing, make your daughter pay for her own kids needs. Theyre HER kids, not yours. If she really cant pay for something, then it would be fine to help her out. But I would tell her that she has to pay for them before jumping right in and shelling out the money. What theyre doing to you is completely unfair. Start making them pay rent immediately and threaten them with "eviction" if they dont pay. Thats what would happen if they had their own place and didnt pay rent. If you threaten them, maybe theyll smarten up a little and start being responsible.
Answered By: Amanda - 6/15/2007 |
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STOP BUYING FOOD you and your husband stop shopping they will have to start just say sorry honey mom is low on money they will get the hint gl as for the boys feeling like something is unfair well you tell them those kids are kids and you don't let them run you over if you want the adults to pay the same amount tell them to hand over the cash or stay at hotel which would be cheaper? make em all pay 100 bucks a week and have the daughter put in on the groceries.
Answered By: tina1rules - 6/15/2007 |
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