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What would you expect from your partner?

What did or would you expect from your partner during labour and birth? Also what did or would you expect in the weeks leading up to the birth?

My partner works long hours, but shows no interest in me or how I'm feeling at all, he really wants the baby, but I don't think he recognizes that I'm going to need support during the labour/birth.

Just wondering what you would expect from your partner, to see if I'm been silly or not.
I was considering not having him there for the birth, because he doesn't respect me and I would prefer to be left alone to deal with it by myself.

Birthing classes would of been a good idea but I've only got a two weeks left, and he wouldn't of gone anyway, because it would of been for me.

I'm not going to go into our whole relationship, but the other reason I dont want him there is because, I don't want jokes made about me to his friends and family about any embarrassing details of the birth, which he would do.

Asked By: KillerXmega2000X2000 - 6/25/2007
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
He is prolly trying to appear strong. Mine did that with the first and it came off as looking cold but he was just trying to look all grown and strong bc he thought that was what he was supposed to do. men. geez. lol. As for what is reasonable to expect, if you need it, its reasonable. Talk to him, take a birthing class together, and remember, the baby and the dr. both know what they are doing, so try not to worry too much ( about the labor and delivery ) congrats! oh. forget the birthing class. If the relationship is that bad that you dont want him in there with you, then dont have him there. Get a friend or family member instead. You shouldnt be having to worry about any immature comments he will have after the fact. If you cant find a fam member or friend that you trust to help you in labor/ delivery and possible keeping him out of there. Then talk to your dr. and it is part of the hosp. staffs job , they are awesome so even if you think you will be alone if he is not there, you WONT be. All the nurses i had in all 3 of my deliveries were awesome! Dont be afraid to drop him ( the partner ) if you want. blessings!
Answered By: undone - 6/25/2007
Additional Answers ()
You women! Even if your husband will sit by you from 1st to 31st you will not lack what to say. I am not defending your husband but I am just making a true point.Dear woman cheer up God is with you. Take courage.
Answered By: patrick w - 6/25/2007
Assuming this is your first bub... it is his too, it is a new experience for both of you and he doesn't know how to react or how you are feeling unless you tell him. My hubby sat in the corner of the birthing suite looking at name books... it upset me at first but he thought he was helping, he felt it was really important that our son had a name from the moment he was born! He got into the swing of things when i was in full blown labour though and helped as best as he could. Tell your hubby how you are feeling, he doesn't know otherwise, it would be so much easier if they were mind readers and could figure this stuff out on their own! My hubby is a lot more helpful and supportive this time (2nd bub), mainly cause he knows what to expect this time...good luck...oh and i had a list on the fridge of things that had to be done before bub came home, helped my hubby out a lot, he wanted to help but didn't know how...
Answered By: JK 79 - 6/25/2007
I hope husband not partner ... Expect nothing....and Expect everything...I reel his support...his excitement and if he is not with you he needs to celebrate and commiserate as it takes him from boyhood it catapults him into a father and a man to get a job or step up and be a man...I kind of notice a man cheats at this time too a land of hoorah...and right under your nose there is another woman in the wings or there will be if he is not faithful and this is a part of his celebration...I can't say cheating is normal but I would not count it out...I would be upset IF I KNEW WHO and if I WAS CONFRONTED by the other woman so if he steps out of line...He better step in line and not let me hear see or be upset by his stepping and handle his it begins with a H or a B take your pick on the other woman I am beating his A...I get mad just thinking about cheating....Where IS HE>>>
Answered By: Nina - 6/25/2007
Sign up for some classes and make him go. Maybe talk to him about it before you sign up so you can schedule a time that he can't complain about. My hubby didn't really "get it" until we were taking the classes and he saw what I would be going through. I would still like for him to want to pamper me a little bit more than he does but he is more aware of how I am feeling and what I am going through now!

The men tend to focus inward on their job...making the money and being the big supporter of the family...and they forget that we are going through something too!
Answered By: moongoddess209 - 6/25/2007
Sammie, Sammie. . . Whether you love or care for your partner or not, if you love and care for your child it is time for you two to get married before your child is born. I don't know what country you live in, but go to your local courthouse and get a marriage license and certificate to legally legitimize your child. That act of love alone will rebuild the self esteem and self respect you are loosing and your partner may loose. Certainly, your child will really appreciate this act of kindness forever. Do this soon and don't take "no" as an answer from your boyfriend no matter how long you expect to stay together. Get DNA samples (hair, blood, semen, skin) from your boyfriend now and put them in a labeled baggy for storing in your freezer for future health references.
Answered By: good_old_bastard - 6/25/2007
After watching many birth day stories on discovery health i believe your question is quite common. Everybody worries. He might not be showing it but i believe he is nervous. Maybe he needs a lil' guidance or maybe he's just in shock. Either way i believe he will be your heart and rock when it comes to the labor and birth. I believe then the reality will hit him and he will realize how much of a superwoman you ( a mother) really are. I know he will be there for you. as for the preplanning (packing for the hospital and such) thats a girly thing in his mind and you probably want to ask your friends to help.
Answered By: Jennifer C - 6/25/2007
Guys can get caught up in the emotion of the moment of birthing. My mom told me that my dad, the math whiz, was so nervous he couldn't count right for her lamaze breathing.

Talk to him about your need for support. Tell him that you want/need him there for comfort and encouragement. Maybe mention that when he asks how you are feeling, you know that you are special to him.

If you want further support for delivery, you might ask your ob if he/she can recommend a doula for you. A doula is a woman trained in supporting birthing mothers. Studies have shown women need less meds and other interventions when they use a doula.

Edit: I just read your addition. Which makes the second paragraph irrelevant. A doula or good friend to support you in labor is a very good idea. I wouldn't expect anything from him.
Answered By: sassy sarah - 6/25/2007
I wouldnt say i would agree or disagree with what he is doing, but when i had my baby (she is only 4 1/2 months old) all i wanted him to do was be in there, i didnt care if he counted for me or anything like that, and really when it came down to it, all he did was watch and hold a leg, but he was there and it made me feel like he was supporting my emtional needs. as for prior to the baby, i think that you guys should just sit down and hang out more, talk about baby names or go walk around and look at baby stuff, he might just be stressed out... my husband was totally cool with everything up until the last 3 weeks, he started acting realyl weird and cranky.... but it turned out that he was just super stressed, and about a week after the baby was born, he was totally back to normal. as for you saying that he would make fun of you about labor, thats not right. you should talk to him about it, but honestly to me it sounds like you guys might have some problems deep within the relationship, my husband and i make fun of each other, but he knows better then to make fun of something about labor, and mine was fast... i didnt scream or do anything like alot of people do.
Answered By: tanker015 - 6/25/2007
Try a doula..they aren't cheap, but are supposed to be worth it, and they take the "pressure" (for lack of better word) off your partner..If you guys are together and you are both looking forward to being parents, enjoy having him there, talk to him about your concerns..maybe you should print out your question and let him read it...even if he just holds your hand that is better than nothing..I wish someone was going to be there for me when my daughter is born..
Answered By: Nicole B - 6/25/2007
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