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What do I do about an ex who is stalking me?

I have an ex who is harassing me. I really don't want to get the police involved because the attention he gets from that will more than likely satisfy him because we will have to go to court and he will get to see me.

I have changed my phone number and have ignored all his phone calls, text messages, ims for the past year. We were together for 5 years but he is still not over me. I told him that I would get the police involved and file for harassment, but he is not doing or saying anything physically dangerous. He told me to go ahead and do it. In connecticut, he would only get a class c misdimeanor and getting a chance to be involved with me would be worth it to him.

I have no idea what to do. I can't move. I have a good job. He texts me like 20 times a day and calls me at least 10 times a day. I never pick up. This has been going on since we broke up and we've been apart for 2.5 years. I just want him to leave me alone and I don't think time will do it.
I have changed my numbers and he doesnt bother me for a while until he finds out the new one.

He will just sit outside my work and wait for me. He is not violent or threatening and not calling for sex.

Asked By: <3 - 6/26/2007
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
A TRO(Temporary Restraining Order) is nothing more than a slip of paper that says that he can not be near you. This has never stopped anyone before but it gives you the ability to use the police as a "stain" remover! The TRO will give the police the ability to arrest him for violation of order.

Regardless of his thinking, the first violation is a misdemeanor, second is felony for continual violation of an order of the court. Not to mention that you can contact the phone company & block his numbers from any access to your phones. Be sure to request a copy of all calls comming from the numbers that he uses as proof for court. The police & court systems are getting a lot more serious about staking & the potential for domestic violence that is so common in these cases.

Granted, he may get to sit in a courtroom with you for a very short period of time, but if he attempts anything while there... contempt of court will have him sitting in a jail cell just as fast as he can talk. You can also have your attorney appear for you by request for fear of your saftey.

Any family or household member who has been subjected to a continuous threat of physical pain or injury by a family or household member may apply to the Superior Court for a restraining order. A restraining order differs from a protective order in that restraining orders are civil and can be issued without the accused person being arrested. Protective orders are criminal and are issued after the accused has been arrested for committing a family violence crime.

To obtain a restraining order the victim must file an application that includes an affidavit with the court stating the condition from which relief is sought. The court must hold a hearing within 14 days of receipt of the application and give the alleged offender at least five days notice before the hearing. But the law allows the court to issue an order without notice or hearing if there is an immediate and present physical danger to the applicant.

As with a protective order, the court may put in the order whatever provisions are necessary to protect a victim from injury or intimidation, including requirements for temporary child custody or visitation rights. But each restraining order, except an exparte order, must state that (1) the court issuing it had jurisdiction to do so; (2) the respondent was given notice and the opportunity to be heard; and (3) it is valid in all 50 states, Washington D.C., Puerto Rico, U.S. territories or possessions, and on tribal lands.

The order is effective for six months unless extended by the court upon the applicant's or its own motion. Anyone violating the order can be held in contempt of court. Additionally, entering or remaining on property in violation of the order constitutes criminal trespass in the first degree, punishable by up to a year in prison, a $1,000 fine, or both (CGS § 46b-15).

Take a look at http://www.cga.ct.gov/ps99/rpt/olr/htm/99-r-0031.htm
This is the Conneticut State position on domestic violence.

http://stopfamilyviolence.org/ocean/host.php?folder=62&T=
Answered By: Daniel F - 6/26/2007
Additional Answers ()
The best thing for you to do is to go to the police and get a restraining ordr put against him. Change your number and make sure it's listed as private and that you don't give it everyone you know cause they may without trying to do you any harm accidently give him your number and the whole things starts over again abouth him calling you.

You could also get someone to beat him up pretty bad to get the point across that he needs to stop bothering you.

Or if you don't want to do any of those things you can just deal with him bothering you until he gets bored and stops or something worse happens...GOD forbidding it does get worse cause that would be a real shame.

Good luck.
Answered By: scooby5_us - 6/27/2007
Start documenting every time he makes contact with you and under what circumstances he does it. Send him a certified letter (or better yet have an attorney do it so he knows you mean business) asking him to leave you completely alone. If he does it after that, call the police. Believe it or not, they are really starting to take this stalking stuff seriously. As you probably are aware, some pretty tragic events have taken place all over the country that involve stalking. Stalking is a Class A misdemeanor charge (in Texas anyway) and the bail for it if you're arrested can be considerable. If you can't get any satisfaction from the police go to your Justice of the Peace and ask for a protective order. Bring all your evidence with you when you go. Good luck and please be careful....Your ex sounds like a nutcase...
Answered By: lillllbit - 6/27/2007
Have your brother go kick his a.s.s
Answered By: steven c - 6/26/2007
How can he call you or text you if youve changed your phone numbers? You could start listing his phone number in all the gay websites, so he can see what it feels like to be harrassed for sex and unwelcome attentions. Or if that fails you need to send around some pipe hittin nigg@z if you catch my drift.
Answered By: freezinnesian - 6/26/2007
You ahve to get a restraint order. That way you will never have to see him again!!! HAHAHA. Makes sure he isnt on Yahoo answers though.
Answered By: UltimaFenrir28 - 6/26/2007
If you don't want to get the cops involved then there is not much you can do. Just make sure you always lock your doors, change your cell phone number so he can't text you, you can go to your cell phone provider and have him blocked so he can't call or text you, always keep mace or something on you when you are out in public, and just block him on the instant messanger. Thats all you can do. If I were you though I would go ahead and get the cops involved, he sounds like a real creep.
Answered By: sexyvamp303 - 6/26/2007
Get your new boy friend to kick his a.s.s. or get a new boy friend my girl was being bugged and I told him to stop and he dident and I kicked his a.s.s.
Answered By: Adrian - 6/26/2007
Since it has been going on so long you need to take legal action though you dont want to. You can have a lawyer appear in court with a statement from you if you dont want to face him...though it is better to speak for youself so they can charge him with harrassment if he tries to get to you in court.

A restraining order is a good thing to have so that if he keeps on harrassing you the police can actually arrest him later since he would only get a class c misdimenor you can use the restraining order with that and get him into more trouble. Maybe taking him to court would be a good idea so that he can see that it really is over. Sometimes they need a court order to tell them that. Im sorry this is all happening to you.
Source(s):
I had a bf stalk me when we broke up after 2 years and it finally took a court order to get him to leave me alone.
Answered By: buffy5455 - 6/26/2007
"get to see me" if he is stalking isn't he seeing you?
Answered By: RAY N - 6/26/2007
Carry a gun
Answered By: mike b - 6/26/2007
2.5 years and you're still letting him do this?? You have to report him to the police, and get a restraining order! You may not think so... but he's still controlling part of your life. Take back your life! Until you do, it slowly WILL escalate.
Answered By: donnaishere2001 - 6/26/2007
I would have gotten a restraining order 2.4 years ago. He knows that you wont go to the cops. You have threatened enough. Now take some action and let him know that you are serious.
Answered By: tinytot - 6/26/2007
Show him you mean business!!! Call him and have a long talk tell him it's time to move on. When that doesn't work which in his case I am sure it won't get a restraining order, purchase some pepper spray that can fit on a keychain so if he ever sneaks up on you, you'll be prepared then get all of your numbers change ask your service provider if they offer call blocks in block his number I am pretty sure you can do it without changing your number but I would just to be safe
Answered By: Romance - 6/26/2007
That's extreme behavior. You don't know what he may be capable of. You really need to go to the authorities.
Answered By: tttplttttt - 6/26/2007
Why not try the court if you really bug out with the guy. You can try applying for a restraining order, the idea is to forbid him to come near you within 100 meters sort of, or have any physical contact with him within the specific order of the court and the county you are in. I donot know if there is one in your State, Connecticut? Surely he wants to come back thinking your the only one who he really love, wow, what a novel. The only one who makes his heart rumble like in WWF, can I have your number(just joking).

In applying this order, you simply donot have to be physical present since your lawyer will apply this in your behalf, so you can absolutely do the usual routine you are presently doing at the moment, and let all the worrying to your counsel(the lawyer) to go to court. Why don't you like to see or meet the guy? Kinda wonder. You are with him for what 2 and a half year, so I donot see any problem with that. You have good times together, even for a glimpse you donot like to see him? Strange kinda thing. Well its your life then.
Answered By: reynaldo v - 6/26/2007
Any best case scenario must involve the police, in a report made by you and a visit to your county court house, to have a restraining order issued. One key fact you want to utilize though.
Make very, very certain, your statement reflects your concern over "physical harm".............in other words, you are fearful for your life.
Courts, judges and police departments, take this "act" very seriously nowadays. In fact almost every city and state have a
"stalking law" and it is very effective.
Worst case scenario...............without intervention, it is doubtful it will ever cease. Good luck.
Answered By: onedraco_eleven - 6/26/2007
You might see if the phone company can block his number. Your options are limited, you need some kind of intervention.
Check with a lawyer and see if you have any recourse for harassment.
But I honestly think you will need to get the police and the court involved with this.
Hang in there and Good Luck!
Answered By: rklee0122 - 6/26/2007
While I understand that you don't want to get the police involved I would involve the courts. File for a restraining order on the basis of his harassment. It doesn't require threats or violence to file for this order. In Connecticut, violation of such an order is a Class D Felony punishable by up to five years in prison instead of a few months in jail. This may be more bite than he wants to deal with especially since multiple violations are a Class C Felony.

Essentially you have three options of how to handle this situation. First, you can move but you'd lost the good job you have. Additionally, he may be getting information from another source to include mutual friends. That may be how he's getting your new phone numbers. If this is the case, moving may not solve the problem. Second, you can deal with him legally either through the courts or police. While this means you have to see him it may offer a permanent solution. Finally, if you don't want to do either of the first two then you'll have to accept his attempts to contact you. There really is no other way to make him stop that won't bring negative consequences back upon you.

You have to decide what's worse: Him seeing you as you're having him prosecuted for harrassment or putting up with his phone calls forever.

I hope you make a good decision.
Answered By: yn_tennison - 6/26/2007
Start creating records. i would keep notes of when he calls / what he says. go to police with records / make an incident report. give copy of incident report to phone company / they should let you change your number for free. get a restraining order in place. if he comes near you, call police immed. they will pick him up . i believe he will ge a clear message after a couple of times.
Answered By: Mildred S - 6/26/2007
Get a lawyer to go to court for you.

quote (ref 5):
The National Center for Victims of Crime operates a Stalking Resource Center (SRC), which can be accessed through their website: http://www.ncvc.org
end quote

Discuss the basic reasons for stalkers with a therapist and identify your ex's reasons; feed those to the lawyer (you are most likely correct that time will not deter this moron). Ask the therapist if this is your choice in men or was it an accident.

A good idea, from one of the references below, is to keep your old phone number for him only and get a new unlisted number for your use.

Yes, if the lawyer says call in the cops, go ahead. How did he 'tell you to go ahead' if you're not talking to him?

Most sites suggest that you give his photo to everyone concerned and tell them he is stalking you. Keep a record of 'contacts, no matter how distasteful, and consider getting a dog.

good luck.

note to daniel - xlnt !
Answered By: xxpat 1 - 6/26/2007
It's all about documentation. Keep his text messages and voice messages in your phone. When leaving work have someone walk out with you every day so that you have a witness to his presence at your work. It would also be helpful if your place of employment had cameras at the doorway that you exit and enter so that there is video documentation. Keep any emails, or anything he may send to you. Get as much documented as possible and bring it to your local police department or to a lawyer to see what you can get on this guy. Then, try to find out who is giving him your phone number after you change it. You have to have a mutual friend who may be handing your number out to him. Also, I think there is a way to block numbers from calling you, check with your cellular provider.
Answered By: S P - 6/26/2007
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(15) Most of the reviews and analysis currently being done by human accountants, actuaries, tax experts, and other financial analysts and consultants will be done must better, more more quickly, and much more accurately, by computers. (16) Web sites already are using computer programs to write the text for stories that report on sports games. The program integrates the statistics from the game into a story text that seems to have been written by a human being. (17)Most education at the college and high school level will soon be done online, eliminating a massive number of workers. Thus, GIGANTIC UNEMPLOYMENT, in the range of 70-80?is coming soon to the USA. This will result in Rio De Janeiro type slums all over the USA. That will result in calls for gov't wealth redistribution, which will result in Armed Revolution, Counter-Revolution, concentration camps, & Latin American-style death squads. The rich and ultra-rich are never going to let any government get control of their wealth. Huge bloody CONFLICT is coming. * * * Politicians keep repeating the old canard that the solution is to train and retrain Americans for the "jobs of the future." But they are either morons or are lying, since anyone who thinks about it can easily see that even if every American worker had an engineering degree or a computer science degree, the economy just doesn't need that many engineers and computer scientists. * * * * * * * Why don't more people see this? Why aren't more people talking about this? We are facing soon a catastrophe in the USA (and in other places) on par of the plagues in Europe that killed half of the population in certain areas, and on par with the depopulation in Europe brought about by WWI and WWII. Sure, you can just repeat the Luddite Fallacy, and proclaim that the economy will always create enough jobs for most people to survive. But there is no law of economics that says that any law of economics will always operate the same. Laws of economics are not like the laws of physics. Economies and life forms can and do evolve in fundamental ways that make former economic models and ways of life obsolete. I'm sure the last tribe of Neanderthals were certain that nothing was ever going to change, right before the Homo Sapiens swooped down on them, chased them into a dead end canyon were other Homo Sapiens were lying in wait with big clubs. * * * * * * * * * In the past the Luddite Fallacy was valid since machines always needed the mental acuity that only human operators could provide, and machines frequently needed maintenance by skilled human hands and minds. But now machines have mental functions that equal or surpass what humans can provide in most work functions. And computers aren't so much repaired anymore as just thrown away and replaced. How many cell phone repair shops have you ever seen? Even most laptop computers are replaced rather than repaired. More and more laptop computers never even need to be repaired for years and years. In short, when the economy has no use for most Americans, all h*ll is going to brake loose, & that's coming soon. * * * * *
2 answers - Asked By: Perro Americano Invicto - 5/16/2013
I know that Escrow is within Title industry in Texas. What would be the best way to get my foot in the door. I am assuming I will have to start as an Escrow assistant and work my way up, but I would really like to find out more about this career path. How does an officer usually get licensed? Are there classes we need to take and exam to take? Any response is appreciated.
2 answers - Asked By: schang25 - 2/10/2006
1 answer - Asked By: Big D - 5/3/2013
I've always freelanced as a web designer and might have an opportunity to work at a large ad agency. sorta nervous about the culture and role, so I was wondering if I could solicit feedback about the type of strengths I might need to develop, ie., strong project management (learn to use basecamp!), etc. I've held jobs on the client side as a web marketing manager and before that freelanced -- but on the very small scale. anyone with similiar experiences or feedback I'd love to hear from you!
2 answers - Asked By: webguy - 2/11/2006
I have to get an electrican to fix an overloaded circuit and possible short. so do you tip and if so, how much?
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