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Has anyone ever had to go through a period of their life of great trauma where you had absolutely no support?

System? whether it be mental illness or other psychological problems....
how did you get through this time without a support system?

im addressing those to only this situation applies. if your the golden boy and have lots of friends and have had an easy time of things please dont bother to reply, this question was not meant for you. thanks

Asked By: ∫e mousquetaire XVI - 8/17/2007
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Yes. Especially when I was younger, when I was a child and then later on as a teenager. My father was just a violent psycho that way, and my family couldn't get rid of him.

And....I keep losing friends and support networks as an adult too, so it keeps happening, albeit to a lesser degree.

When you're younger, say a child or a teenager....there's just more there to work with in terms of resilience. Mainly what I did back then was to tuck my head, keep to myself, show up at school to *work*, to do a job--getting the education and grades so that at some point I could *get out* and get a life, and basically...I treated most of the people around me as obstacles if not enemies. I spent about 95?f my time withdrawn and 5?ither lashing out (when I could) or at least looking like I was going to snap and go postal (when I couldn't).

That latter is important. I got *good*, almost too good, at radiating *anger* out from me like it was a force-field. I was driven, determined, almost to the point of it being a homicidal hatred when I was younger. It was what I had to do, to keep the psychos (esp. my father, but also bullies at school) off of my back. The catch: I threw away over 90?f my social life too. My life literally became all about *taking* the grades and knowledge from the schools, by force if need be, regardless of whether the teachers wanted me to learn or not. I was a Braniac In Training, and it consumed me.

When I turned 19 and found I had a crush on someone for the first time, and also....when I started to *notice* that all the fights I had been in, all of the head shots I had taken in high school, were having some *consequences* for me in terms of damaging my intellect....well, that was my first sign that things had to change, that I had to stop being such a mono-maniacal jerk about things and actually start being *nice* to people around me. It was the realization that if I didn't change something.....I'd go postal one last time and wind up dead and/or in prison for my troubles, and *not even knowing why*.

Since then....well, it's been one step forward, two steps back and a shuffle *sideways* on occasion. I didn't get into therapy, as an adult until I was about 22, 23 or so....so yeah, it took me a while to understand how messed up I was, and how badly I was going to *need* professional help if I *wasn't* just going to be the beast and *blast myself* through everything.

But basically, as an adult....well, I haven't been coping too well with matters *lately*, but my method of coping as an adult has changed. Where before I was "get'r'done, and d**n the consequences", now, as a grown man, I'm *all* about the consequences.

Now I think I may have over-corrected for the excesses of my sacrificed youth. I second-guess nearly everything, reality-check everything, and if it doesn't pass muster, well, I keep a lid on it. Essentially my coping skills are from meditation....something I picked up early as a kid with asthma who needed to do breathing exercises anyway.

The idea is to stay detached, to look at thoughts and feelings just *as such*, as files in the system, or logs floating down the river....just observe them and keep in mind that there's no need to react to them, that this too shall pass.

The catch is: It's an over-reaction. I no longer feel safe enough to stand up for myself and *be* assertive, never mind aggressive like I once was. And yeah, some of that is me, some of it is the *nature* of the times though. Who *isn't* looking over their shoulder and not trusting people these days? But yeah....I've become avoidant and slightly paranoid in some matters (because it's not easy these days to *tell* what's internal and what's situational, is it?).

So yeah.....that's been my coping skills, absent any professional help. Either driving myself like a slave-driver, to the point of not even really *being* in my own body sometimes, or over-analyzing crap until nothing gets done because I don't like the consequences of *any* of the poor choices I'm stuck with these days.

Oh, and I sleep in way the hell too much.....and on occasion eat too much too. It's kinda messed up, has been since puberty hit for me.

I hope this helps. Email me if you'd like to know more.
Answered By: Bradley P - 8/17/2007
Additional Answers ()
I found proffessional help and even some support with people i really didn't consider friends ... then I got myself out of it enough to make new friends, forced myself to get out and have fun and was much happier ... I have more friends now than I ever did in any rough spots and know they are there for me should i need them ... though I have determined venting and bouncing less than happy thoughts off of them for feedback has not been for the best - that part is best left for a professional detached party who won't ask you if you feel bettter a thousand times a day ...
Source(s):
I will PM my qualifications if you want to know some of what i have been through ...
Answered By: peoplehi5 - 8/17/2007
I moved to Denver and only had phone contact with my family during major marriage conflicts and emotional distress after my daughter was born. But I've always had someone I could call.

If you are going through something traumatic and do not have friends or family you feel you can talk to, then call your local health clinic and ask them for a list of support groups or a doctor to talk to. You can also look for specific support groups online by putting in the condition and support groups in a search engine like google. But don't let it get bottled up. If you do you may have serious repercussions in the future. Think mental ward in the hospital.
Answered By: Amy - 8/17/2007
Yes, I am going through it right now. Mom and dad are dying, extreme financial problems, personal illness, working two jobs (which makes me tired all the time), and, to add insult to injury, I am having marital problems. I am going through all of this without a support system because the support system that I have in place is the one that is failing me. Does that make sense?

Anyways, as far as getting through it. I quite literally just take it one day at a time. I know...that sounds corny, but it really is all I have right now. I pray al lot too. I don't know if you are religious, but if you are, praying helps. I also take time out to pamper/pity/console myself. You need to do that at times. Just be sure that you do it in private so that you don't feel like people are judging you. Another thing, if you have insurance, consider seeing a counselor. They have helped me in crisis. They can't tell you how to fix your problems, but they can help you with how to get through them with your sanity in tact. At times, that was good enough for me.

I do know, that it will get better. It may not be tomorrow, or even in the very near future, but it will get better eventually. Please take care of yourself right now. And, I am sorry to hear that you are having hard times. It isn't fair that we have to struggle in our lives, but we do come out stronger in the end. I know that some of the things I have gone through (whether or not I caused them) I am better for the experience.

Good luck to you and just remember...one day at a time.
Answered By: jy10533 - 8/17/2007
Seek out a support group, open up to trusted friends, find a therapist that's a good fit. People get thru trauma in isolation. That's not the issue. It's thriving afterwards for the rest of your life that is.

Me, didn't tell a soul. Came back to bite me later, still didn't tell. Chomped on me even later, messed up my life, finally sought help. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can handle serious trauma in a vaccuum. Part of healing is getting the confusion and fear and pain on the inside out of your system. That doesn't happen remaining silent.
Answered By: stacia - 8/17/2007
Yes. I have bipolar disorder with social anxiety and borderline personality traits. I have had some support over the years for this but not much. The only real support I got was from my mom and that was only over the phone. Haven't lived with her since I was 14. 4 months ago, my spouse commited suicide. I had literally NO ONE to turn to. It's way too complicated to explain why. If you want details, email me. The main thing that got me through was God. I couldn't really talk to him much. Simple prayers like "I can't do this, please help me" were about all I could form for quite some time. I'm still pretty lost. I got really into reading books. I never have been able to focus to read before but I was so desperate for an escape that I have been able to now. I play guitar and fiddle a bit. that helps too. I get online and waste time and order movies through netflix to help me focus on something else too. A doctor gave me the name of a few support groups I could go to but I just can't go. The social anxiety I guess.

Look, i have 1 friend. 1! and we hardly ever see/ talk to each other. She didn't know about my spouce for almost a month! I feel completely alone in this world. God is my only real friend. He understands me and never leaves me alone. I feel lonely but I'm not alone ya know?

I dunno what to tell you. I'm so sorry that you are having a rough time. Feel free to email me anytime.

One day at a time. Keep on keeping on. Never quit. NEVER!
Answered By: J C - 8/17/2007
Yes.

was raped and couldn't do a dam n thing to help myself, (believe me I would have fought to the death - even mine), because of someone in the next room - was a young family member of the jerk

I even tried to talk myself into liking it, but couldn't

no one to tell, and thought I could handle it, but finally broke down about two weeks later. recovered from the injury, was hooked into counselling, which helped some, but will never take away the violation or my anger
Answered By: bin there dun that - 8/17/2007
Absolutely, I went through a devastating divorce and my entire family abandoned me for and to support who would become my ex husband. It was no oridinary divorce as he set out to destroy me and he did. I went through 1 year of hell of going to jail as my husband accused me of horrific things. I went to jail he forged my signature on our taxes and the checks, he had our brand new truck stolen and accused me and I almost did jail time for that. We had just bought a brand new home and found out that he made over 23k profit for it. I and my children and brand new grandchild were put on the streets with NO WHERE to go. This is just some of the things that I had to walk through. I wasnt permitted to have clothes a car nothing. My family turned theirs backs on me because they always liked him and didnt want to lose him from the family. Now 5 years later they have realized and sadly discovered what he was about and what he was trying to accomplish. I went through that alone. I had to start from ground zero to recover everything that I lost. It was THE most difficult time in my life but I survived it. My family admitted to me that they were always jealous of me and what I had because they never had it...famliy, white picket fence...etc. I still have not fully recovered financially but as far as my emotions and physical well being I am better then I have ever been in my life. I did at one time during the early stages of the divorce attempt suicide. I am greatful I didnt as I now have 3 beautiful grandchildren. You can and will survive just hang in there so you can see what's on the other side of your trial. Sometimes when we are walking through the fire we cant see past the flames but if you allow the fire to die down you will see a difference in the side that you will be crossing over to. There will be pain hurt and sorrow but knowing that you can and will make it there is the strength to get you there. There are questions with no answers. There are situations without explaination. I had to find out and discover who I was and who I am and who I would become...most most difficult but here I am...an awesome incredible strong vibrant and beautiful woman. THANK GOD THAT I SURVIVED....and I wasnt entirely alone...God was with me...even though I didnt see it or acknowledge him at the time. Hang in there my friend if youre in a trial, there will be a beautiful end to it. Dont give up
Answered By: freed1one - 8/17/2007
Oh yeah, i remember that time.. horrible. i got a psychologist to help me. and it turns out, i needed medication to help me.. and I'm normal again.
Answered By: ♥Miss Krieger♥ - 8/17/2007
Yes i have and i still am. It is really frustrating because you seem to expect that someday you will get support from someone and someoen will hold your hand and take you out of this mess. But then you realise none ever will and you have to do it on your own.
Answered By: Dawn - 8/17/2007
When I started nursing school my husband of 22 years left me and my 2 kids with no money no food, nothing. I got so depressed I gave away all my personal possessions even my clothes. (later found out this was an act that happens before someone commits suicide) My children and I moved in with my mom who is extremely bi-polar and not on meds. She is flat out crazy, she started attacking my kids verbally and mentally. Later for fear of her hurting them I sent my kids to live with their dad who lives in hawaii, I didnt want to do this but thought it was best.
I remember what got me through this time in my life with no support from anyone. Accept that I would ask my step dad for gas money and ask him not to tell my mom. I thought about school, that I wanted to graduate, if I could just make it to graduation date, things would get better. Long story short, I did make it to graduation, Im 38 years old and finally got something of my own. After graduation I was diagnosed Bi-polar 2 Hypo-mania (probly just like mother, yick) But I am currently on meds and doing talk therapy.
I hope my story helps you.. and one last note, I graduated with honors as top of my class. Dont know how the heck I did that with all the times of stress and no money to even eat.. But school being my focal point got me through it i guess. And probly a couple angels didnt hurt.

take care and you will get through this. Today it probly doesnt feel like it but you never know whats around the corner in life.
Answered By: donna m - 8/17/2007
I turned to God. it was in this time in my life that i found a new understanding of faith. to know me today you would never guess that i had been through such a difficult time in my life or that i was ever so isolated and alone.
Answered By: adelaide - 8/17/2007
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I've always freelanced as a web designer and might have an opportunity to work at a large ad agency. sorta nervous about the culture and role, so I was wondering if I could solicit feedback about the type of strengths I might need to develop, ie., strong project management (learn to use basecamp!), etc. I've held jobs on the client side as a web marketing manager and before that freelanced -- but on the very small scale. anyone with similiar experiences or feedback I'd love to hear from you!
2 answers - Asked By: webguy - 2/11/2006
I have to get an electrican to fix an overloaded circuit and possible short. so do you tip and if so, how much?
4 answers - Asked By: speedlvr_8 - 12/29/2005
I received the following email from these guys: "Hello, my name is Susan Collins and I am Personnel Manager of Audit Sales Company Inc. and will be your supervisor. Thanks for sending us your job application. We'd love to bring you on board. The reason for this email is to touch base with you as a potential candidate for the position we are currently looking to fill (Audit Sales Representative). You replied to our online job posting and I would like to take a moment to familiarize you with who we are. Audit Sales is the worldwide leader in temporary financial staffing, providing excellent opportunities in the areas of accounting, bookkeeping, credit and collections, data entry, finance, payroll, audit and tax. Our relationships with top companies ensure that our employees enjoy competitive pay, and dynamic and ongoing assignments with the best opportunities for temporary and temporary-to-full-time employment. Since opening our doors in 1990 we are recognized as a top performing firm for the Midwest region and have expanded all over USA, Canada and Europe. Future goals include expanding offices to multiple markets across the country. Having gained operational experience in Intern Audit Inc., I recommend all new employees to treat seriously every small detail they may encounter in the course of their work. You have a real chance to obtain quick promotion in the nearest future if our management is satisfied with your job results. Audit Sales Representative is an entry level position that involves transfer of funds from Audit Sales to our client's via Representative's account, consequently eliminating any transfer holds. We don't require any previous experience for this job. We are looking for a trustworthy person to process payments sent from AuditSales.bz to our clients. We will provide an Representative with detailed instructions for payment processing operations including invoices, contracts and all documents regarding current sale. Funds that are deposited into your account comes directly from our company and the funds are sent via instant money transfer service within the USA ( bank wire transfer). You will always be aware exactly where the money is coming from and where it is going. For additional security we provide Invoices and contracts for all transactions completed. We offer a couple types of compensation packages: either performance based pay or base salary plus commission. Of course, details are discussed during your trial period (3 months). When funds enter employee's bank account, Wire Transfer Representative's duty is to withdraw cash and process the funds. The main advantage of our services is the shortest possible time within which the client can receive money for the services/goods. If this operation is delayed, our clients are entitled to cancel their contract with us and we suffer financial loss. Therefore, successful applicant must be very responsible and careful! Our company can guarantee $2,500 base salary + 5?ommission for every transaction done. Working with our company guarantee's you a safe relationship and licensed establishment. If you would like to apply to this vacancy and inquire more detailed information, please fill out our online job application via our secure website: http://www.AuditSales.bz/index.php?action=login BEFORE YOU APPLY PLEASE REVIEW THE FULL JOB DESCRIPTION. We'd like to get started as soon as possible, so please complete the online application today. You will also need to take an online interview when applying for this job opening. If you have any questions/issues please replay to this email. -- Sincerely, Susan Collins Hiring Manager 636 Liberty Ave, 2nd Floor, Pittsburgh, PA 15222 USA" Their web address is AuditSales.bz I have not been able to find anything out about these guys, so I'm thinking that is red flag number one right off the bat.... But has anyone encountered these guys before? Wayne Z - I tried doing a domain search and had no luck, although I didn't exactly give it a thorough attempt.. You have confirmed what I needed to know. Kittysue - The funny thing is I never even sent them my resume! I responded to the posting on Craigslist asking for more information about the company/position and I got that in return, but I gave them absolutely no other information. The whole thing threw up so many red flags.
3 answers - Asked By: Fratty Rower - 5/20/2013
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