How do I deal with women who don't approve of my pregnancy?
We are going to a friend's wedding in a few weeks. There are going to be a lot of people from my work there, and the women have particularly negative attitudes toward pregnancy. They are all career-focused, and see motherhood (and especially pregnancy) as a weakness and a deficiency. So, I am expecting a lot of mean and sarcastic comments about how I am "procreating at an alarming rate" and am "subjecting myself to typical female stereotypes." My husband says to just pay no attention. But I am the sort of person who likes to stand up for my own convictions. What can I do/say to defend my choices without being rude and petty? By the way, I am not some high school drop out who started having kids at 15 without any means to support them. I had my first at 25, and am now pregnant with #2 at the age of 27. I have a Bachelors and a Masters degree, and am now working on my PhD at an Ivy League school. But obviously, my children are a priority, so I can't advance in my degree and my career as quickly as women who don't have kids. I am not judging women who have kids at 15 or at 45, or never at all. It's just none of my business. I just always get comments that 25 and 27 is too young to have kids, and I absolutely disagree.
Asked By: sleepsheepnyc - 9/7/2007
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Too young to have kids??? Studies show that it becomes more and more difficult and dangerous to conceive after 30 - although this is the trend, look around you and you'll see so many unfortunate couples who waited too long to conceive..."A woman’s fertility peaks at the age of 24. There is a gradual decrease in... More
Answered By: Betty - 9/7/2007
Additional Answers (29)
You IGNORE them! Obvisly they are jealous and anyways you dont need that type of negativity in your life.
Answered By: wounderful - 9/7/2007
Just let them know mother hood is a beatuiful thing and it's not getting in the way of your goals!!! different people have different opinions about things and you are just doing what makes you happy don't worry about others!!! you don't need the extra stress! you will be w/ your husband show them how happy "both" of... More
Answered By: Waiting on Isaiah Caden Dec 3!! - 9/7/2007
Tell them you do not appreciate their comments about your personal choices in life when you do not comment on theirs. Just becuase they are career oriented and you are not does not give them the right to say you are in the wrong. It is true, if you dont give them crap about their choices to not have kids, why should... More
Answered By: sugarplumfaerie52686 - 9/7/2007
Wow, they are that blatantly rude to make comments to you... More
Answered By: keevelish - 9/7/2007
Forget them. You don't need their approval to live your life and be happy. Maybe they're secretly jealous because no one wants to donate their s***m for them to contaminate the gene pool....
Answered By: Amber - 9/7/2007
honestly ignore them like your hubby says...just smile at them with their rude comments...to be truthful I really think they are jealous that you are getting to have your cake and eat it too..... don't mind them... nothing you say is going to change their negative minds....
Answered By: FenwayGeorge - 9/7/2007
Wow! I couldn't think of anything that wasn't rude! State your convictions and be proud of yourself! What an amazing woman you are! You have so much to be proud of! What a wonderful example you are setting for your children. To be successful both personally and professionally, I applaud you! You kick Butt... More
Answered By: jenjfrost - 9/7/2007
Listen to your husband.
Answered By: krennao - 9/7/2007
If they say anything to you, they deserve for you to open up a wicked can of whoop a$$ on them. It is absolutely none of their business if you and your husband want to have 2 kids or 10 kids. If you can afford them and love them, that's what matters... More
Answered By: RayeKaye - 9/7/2007
Why not just say - it is a good thing your mother didn't think like you or where would you be now?
Answered By: chiliswoman - 9/7/2007
I would tell them I feel sorry for them because they are missing out on one of the most wonderful, beautiful, life altering things a woman can experience. When all is said and done and their lives are over they won't be remembered by co workers and what they did at work. They will be remembered by their kids and if... More
Answered By: wazup_dude2007 - 9/7/2007
you dont... More
Answered By: jean grey - 9/7/2007
If they start bragging about all of the things that they get to do in their career field, I would start bragging about the same things that I get to do in my career field and also the things I get to experience as a mother. Maybe they will see that you are accelerating just like them in the career field, yet they can't... More
Answered By: endlsjurny - 9/7/2007
Just ignore them! Its none of their business what you do with your life. If you feel compeled to say something to them simply say "you are intitled to your opinion & I respect that but it just doesn't work for me I am a proud to be a mother"
Answered By: tmb - 9/7/2007
Answered By: ivan dog - 9/7/2007
These women shouldn't be attacking you because you have chosen to be a mother as well as a career woman, they sound very insecure with their own choices and are lashing out at you to feel better about themselves (much the way a bully reacts to others... More
Answered By: Finchy - 9/7/2007
Why do you have to deal with them at all... More
Answered By: Amber P - 9/7/2007
First of all, if you were 15 and having a kid with no idea of how you're going to do to support that baby, hey! you're pretty mature to NOT have an abortion!...so don't judge 15 yrs old for CHOOSING to have these babies. Everyone is different and just like these women are judging you, you are judging these other women... More
Answered By: ♥14.6wks*baby#1!!♥ - 9/7/2007
Tell them you don't want to hear their jealous remarks just because they are too afraid of failing at something really important in life like motherhood... More
Answered By: USA Momma - 9/7/2007
I know how you must be feeling.... I am 26 and 38 &1/2 wks preg. with my first... More
Answered By: pamy - 9/7/2007
Well, they are completely... should I say... lame and annoying... More
Answered By: Unfaithfulicious - 9/7/2007
Tell them that God has blessed you with the chance of motherhood which is something they will probably never experience. Sounds like they are a little self centered on themselves. I don't think you really need to defend yourself. Just be you!!!
Answered By: sherryn75501 - 9/7/2007
I say that the women who are critical are jealous! Well to heck with them,ignore it. The ongoing debate of whether women can do both (have a career and be a mom) is a personal choice. I feel women should do what is best for them and what works for their own family... More
Answered By: allmightyjaz - 9/7/2007
i like the rude approach it`s quick and to the point, and it`s not your fault they could`nt find anyone who wanted to be their s***m donor. tell them (gee i`m glad your mother was a typical female sterotype or you would`nt be here to cry about it.) or (gee that empty womb`s giving you an empty head.) or (wow... More
Answered By: crypt - 9/7/2007
just say to them that you are the type of person who can obviously enjoy both children and a career! let them know that by choosing just there career they obviously cant multi task like you! mum and pregnant with number 2
Answered By: allielea - 9/7/2007
Remind these "non-breeders" that you can be a strong career women without denying yourself of the pleasures of life. Work isn't everything, and it won't hold your hand when you are taking your final breathes. Make it light and happy in tone, not judgmental... More
Answered By: buggerhead - 9/7/2007
okay, obviously those women need to GROW UP...sounds like a petty high school attitude anyway that they are carrying on. Pregnancy & weakness DO NOT GO HAND IN HAND! What it comes down to is some type of insecurity they have, otherwise they wouldn't make comments. I would ignore them also, and not stimulate their... More
Answered By: Lynnette T - 9/7/2007
I'm the same way as you. I often feel the need to stand up for what I think is right... More
Answered By: Rosie - 9/7/2007
Well, tell them its lucky you are, because if all the women in the world were like them, it would mean the extinction of the human race.
Answered By: Elle - 9/7/2007
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