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My wife will not throw anything out my space is getting invaded help?

I make her mad if i do it it's not how i like living

Asked By: Jimi H - 2/11/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Jimi Hendrix? I thought you was dead!
Seriously, though. Go to www.flylady.net. This is a website for people like your wife and me who have perfectionist tendancies and difficulty letting go of our clutter.

You might think - perfectionist? I think not. But it can reveal itself in interesting ways - just think of the phrase most people hear at some time in their childhood "If you can't do it right (perfectly) why bother doing it at all?" People like your wife and myself believe that it will be impossible for us to do the job perfectly, and leave it until then.

We can grow attached to our clutter, believing that the memories we are holding on to exist within the clutter, rather than within our minds, and it grows and grows until it takes over. I am still struggling. I write to you now from an office that was beautifully clean in October, and has now reached a state that is difficult to work in.

Anyhow - just keep loving her. It may be possible for you to start following the baby steps and just make yourself her partner in her recovery.

One of the most important things I have learned from FLYlady is that I can accomplish a whole lot in just a very few minutes. I know it's hard to live with. One of the things she needs to know is that it is hard for you to feel like you are loved in your relationship because she is putting her clutter ahead of you, her one and only sweetie. It's not that you don't love her the way she is, it's just that you want both of you to be able to be happy in your home.

The truth is, she isn't happy either. She's just a sidetracked home executive, and she doesn't know how to fix it all. The task becomes overwhelming. But with you by her side, loving her all the way, you can forge a new path together, if she is willing.

So look her in the eye, tell her how much you love her, and how important it is to you to be with her, and that you'll be with her as long as you live. But that you would like the two of you to work on this issue together, a little at a time.

The website offers free direction and fun ways to keep on top of your housework. They send a large number of e-mails a day, many of which are automatic reminders, and you can simply read the subject line and delete. Other e-mails are testimonials about how FLYing has changed people's lives. Some are testimonials about the FLYlady products, which are sold on the website - they are all good. I highly recommend the feather dusters - I've never seen anything better, and they DO TOO pick up the dust, not just move it around.

By the way, the FLY in FLYlady stands for Finally Loving Yourself. FLYlady has a special, gentle way about delivering her messages that is very encouraging and celebratory of the great parts of people like me and your wife. We don't have to feel terrible for not being amazing housekeepers like our Born Organized sisters. It also helps us to know we can do it, and helps to free our creativity from the bondage of our clutter, so that we can be truly the wonderful people we are, and have the time and energy to serve our families and the world with our gifts and talents.

In addition to all this support and encouragement, there are also tools - many are free, like a printout to creating a Control Journal for your home and life, some cost a bit of money - like the feather dusters, timers and other things. I personally have purchased a set of feather dusters, which were pricey, and worth every penny, and the "Hey Tom" Car Duster, which wasn't too expensive, and works wonderfully. I sure wish I could find the other two I purchased to give my driving family members for Christmas, but have gotten packed away somewhere. I would like to buy a timer, because I hear they work very well, and mine doesn't, and a rubba scrubba.

There is no cure - it's like being an alcoholic - you're always in recovery. But there is support, encouragement and love from you, her Dear Husband, and the FLYlady - who is a real person named Marla.

Good luck to both of you!


EDIT - nice to see there are some other FLY-ers here! Hello FLY babies!
Answered By: Nurse Diesel - 2/11/2008
Additional Answers ()
Peter Walsh's new book about clutter and how dangerous it is to our health is called, "Does this clutter make my butt look fat?" It's excellent!
Answered By: susan b - 2/11/2008
If you love her and want to stay with her......learn to live with it.

People don't change.
Answered By: kat - 2/11/2008
My hubby likes to save things too just in case he can use it later. I found out the hard way not to throw it out, because THAT was when he looked for it and needed it! SOLUTION: I bought plastic totes, filled them and labeled them and stacked them neatly in HIS space... the garge! He keeps all his 'stuff' and I get the neat organized clutter free space I like! Win-win!
Answered By: peggy m - 2/11/2008
Http://www.flylady.net/index.asp

i so feel your pain. my honey is the same way. you would be surprised how many people there are that cant throw things out. this website helped me get a grip with all of his stuff.
Answered By: mojomuppet - 2/11/2008
I also use the flylady.net. It's great!! and Free!! I also like the idea of making her put everything in totes stacked neatly and agree with her that anything that overtakes your area you will have the right to throw out. If she wants to keep it; it must stay in her area in the tote when not in use. Hope this helps!
Answered By: mommycturner - 2/11/2008
Ha ha! Been there, done that, got the t-shirt! Man, it might bug you but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter as long as you love each other. Really. Just ask a lonely person.
Answered By: DIYpro - 2/11/2008
Call her mom and see if she can help your wife out with the clutter situation (or is her mom a clutter bug too?) if her mom is a clutter bug too you may just have to deal with it.
Answered By: whiskeyflirt - 2/11/2008
Www.flylady.com
this website/group has saved me! You just need to get her to read the first page and hopefully she'll understand that you love and not the stuff. This is going to take compassion and "baby steps" for both of you.
Good luck.
Source(s):
experience
Answered By: tsbcorg - 2/11/2008
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