Firstly, don't be too hard on yourself; you may well still have been going through the various stages of grief over her death. Some partner's are more understanding than others: looks like yours wasn't. There is grief over miscarriage, as well. You didn't ruin everything, but the depression makes you feel as though you did. Demoralisation fades, with effective treatment. It is important to eat healthily, even if not hungry, (smaller meals, more often) and there are anti-nausea shots available. You seem to be more of a victim of circumstances, and some poor choices: it would be wise of you to look before you leap into any new relationship, which is best not even considered doing, until well on the road to recovery. ============== ================ ================ =============== Go to http://www.mind.org.uk/
and type "grief" in the taskbar, and enter. Call: The Grief Recovery Institute (U.S.A.) 1-800-445-4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email email@example.com Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/grief.html
Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/
Understand that there are often several stages of grief.
The stages are:
Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."
Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one and divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.
for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, and set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or you may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express your thoughts, and feelings. Journalling may help in this. If there is depression: visit your doctor, and see depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris
in section 2: view page Z.12 first.
Suggested Resources on Grief and Mourning: Beyond Grief: A guide for recovering from the death of a loved one; and: Men and grief: A guide for men surviving the death of a loved one, New Harbinger Productions Inc. 5674 Shattock Ave, Oakland, CA 94609 Phone: 1-800-784-6273
James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins. Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press.
Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007). The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books. ================ ================ ================ =============== r**e: Go to: http://vaonlinesupport.org/support.html
Call (USA)1 800 656 HOPE and/or People Against r**e (USA) on 1 800 877 7252. View http:coolnurse.com/hotline.htm (US freecalls). Report him to police. An entry will be made in the sexual offenders computer database, so that anyone making a complaint in future will be believed. The very fact that you have done all you can reasonably do, is often an important first step in the healing process. ~~~ Depending on your area, there may be r**e crisis centers, hotlines, or women's refuges/shelters where you can receive counselling. Some find further therapy helpful, later on. Be aware of the possibility of developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well. Flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty sleeping, and just staring blankly for long periods of time are some symptoms. For more PTSD info, treatments, and links, see http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris
on pages 33 - 34. ~~~
just keep in mind that it is not your fault, there are just ****** up people out there. That is the only thing that can get you through. Just know that you are beautiful and you did not deserve it but to be strong and get past it, do not dwell on it. Just let it go and forgive the person, as hard as it is. That is the best advise I have. ~~~
Did you go to the police? They'll usually tell you a therapist or counselor to go to.
EDIT...There's something called "secondary wounding". Hope you haven't had to go thru it. It's like when you try to talk to people about it and they don't believe you or say it was your fault or say "I believe YOU believe it happened." ie..they don't believe it. Get you some books from the library. Be careful about who you tell.
EDIT...I think there's a r**e crisis phone number you can call.HERE IT IS..
You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or you can search for your local r**e crisis center.Or GOOGLE :RAINN for more info.
(I'm pretty sure this hasn't happened to "Stephanie E.".)
Find the nearest r**e crisis center and go see them. They are experienced and will understand and help you through this. ~~~
Find a counselor, a support group, someone trained to assist r**e victims. You're right, sometimes it's not enough just to talk about it, but if you talk about it with a counselor or someone who's trained to help r**e victims or even other r**e victims who have been helped by a counselor, they will know how to really hear what you are saying and they will know what to say back. Most people don't get what it means to be raped. They think it's just that someone forced sex onto you. Please, look for womens health, women's advocacy, something along those lines in your area. If you don't find what you need, I bet what you find will know where to send you. I wish you well, and if you need help finding support, please contact me and I will help you. ~~~
Being a r**e survivor I found the best way to deal with it was to talk about it and to find a r**e survivors group and talk to them. Most big hospitals have them and if you're in small town there are r**e survivors groups on line. I know that it's hard but you have to remember that it's not your fault. The only person that's to blame is the person who perpetrated the assault. Other than the death of someone you love this might be the hardest thing that you have to deal with. I know that it's very hard but it can be done I know I've done it. Reach out for all the support that you can get and don't not talk about it. You will never forget it, but you can learn to live with it and be happy again. It will take time and energy but It can be done.
Good luck and if you need someone to talk to email me. ~~~
This helped me. Write a letter to the perpetrator. Start with just the facts what happened 2nd how it made you feel then last what you would like to do to him/them(you know what I mean). Put it away and take it out and read it once and awhile until it makes you so sick you can't even read it any more. It is now time to get rid of this part of you life and move on. You can get rid of it anyway you'd like. I'm going to burn mine. I'm going to go to the closest spot to where it happened and burn it. I think the best part of it all is when you write what you would do to them. I hope this helps and be strong. It wasn't your fault. ~~~
hey hun i'm really sorry, i'm going though the same thing. i have no support, my family thinks its in my head. If you need to talk i'm here firstname.lastname@example.org If you call RAINN they will help you and they have avocates that will help you and they are really suppotive. I call them alot, they don't mind even though its really hard for me, to call them bc i feel like i'm brothing them. but i know that is what they are there for and i just have to keep tellin my self that. i'm always here if you need to talk. I hope you are ok, hang in there. please email if you need ANYTHING