can any one check my grammer, if it flows,if you get lost, Critiques thanks?
Hello my name is Bryan, and I am writing this letter as I have found myself to be in a bit of a predicament. I believe my situation I a little unique, so forgive me if you find my cover letter a little unconventional. I am looking for full time employment, and will need to relocate. As this may not be uncommon, bare with me one moment as I explain. I have a wife and kids in a country other than mine. After a three year wait, it was planned and expected, that my family would be able to immigrate in to the united states, in June two thousand eight. Some unexpected situations arose, and now my family will be unable to apply until two thousand thirteen! With a one year old boy I have hardy seen, and another one on the way, I am saying good by to my job, selling every thing I own, and saying hello to the international job market. Who am I and what can I do for you, This will be difficult to sum up, as I definitely due not fall into the norm! At 38 this is my first cover letter to prelude my first resume. I was raised within a multimillion dollar muti-corparation family. We owned several farms, a large trucking company, excavating business and a landfill. Buy the age of twelve, I would be performing independently, tasks and operations, that a typical person may be faced with after training in there mid to late twenties. By the time I was twenty, I was producing show quality cars in my own automotive business. I went on to work, or contract, in almost every facet of residential construction. I now find myself behind a desk quite often, as I do purchasing for a industrial construction firm, as well maintain there fleet and repair all equipment and tools. I do not come neatly packaged with a degree for you to hang on your wall, or with a number of years study in a particular field. I come very rounded, very mindful of ramifications of any move, or any situation, in any type of business. Being a businessman my self I can appreciate the purpose, forethought, planning, preparation, expense, implementation and the anticipated change or improvement of any given job. I am not at the apex of my career, and certainly my collar is still blue. I have never been worried about what time lunch is, or dwell on those days where you put in nineteen hours for eight hours pay. I am a company man, from a company family, and I know what it takes. I am contacting you because you offer employment outside the United States. As I may be qualified for a particular opening you have posted, you may want to consider me for a opening where I miss the mark. As I am very motivated, and always eager to learn. Encountering a place where I can work, live, and reunite my family is paramount. That said do not feel reluctant to offer me a menial position. You will quickly recognize my abilities people always do. Thanks Bryan Thank for your input and witty comments. I have never written a cover letter, I did read some outlines today. State purpose, note why you would be a candidate, create a desire for them to turn the page and see what your qualifications are. But I have had 30 jobs that I can remember, from a teacher to ditch digger, a heavy equipment operator, to motorcycle salesman. I am currently employed in very good position. I plan on sending 200 or more letters to companies who have positions for some specific title warehouse foreman or customer relation or shift manager all of which are in new Zeeland for example, and there paying to fly me and my family out there, that's expensive! I have to prove with out a shadow of a doubt, that I am the guy their looking for. I have forgotten more about those jobs than some guy with a masters degree and three years experience knows, but I do not have 6 years in a specific position to sale them, so I have to paint a picture with words, or get a snapshot of my life on one page, its tough. Look at my week for example, I wined and dined some vendors for pricing, and adjusted my inventory for anticipated workload, For my company. I did some computer diagnostic work on some 2007 trucks in our fleet, and rebuilt a pressure washer. At home I bailed 900 bales of hay, put new floor timbers in the barn, and bid a job to due some commercial wiring on my own, who dose that in a week! I certainly am not the most talented guy on the earth by know means, but I do have a unique past, and a abnormal amount of abilities so I'm always told. I am applying for the rarest of jobs those only out of the country, where I can relocate and reunite my family, a very odd situation Which by the way needs to be told, as they all want to know why your applying for a job out of your country; and the world is going to force me to write a conventional cover letter! At this point in my life, what is conventional about my life or needs. I appreciate all of you input and heed all you advice, but I am questing the common principles. Is it not possible a person with a uniquely diverse past, in a very peculiar situation, trying to gain employment in a foreign country, for the sole propose reuniting a family. Appealing to employers who facing the toughest hiring situation, overseas placement, none of this justify a cover letter a little uncommon? maybe not critique away
Asked By: afarmboy87 - 6/29/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Take out your personal history and limit it to present job information. The purpose of the cover letter is to lure them into reading your resume... More
Answered By: birdie - 6/29/2008
Additional Answers (5)
that a typical person may be faced with after training in THEIR mid to late twenties. This sentence implies that the training was in those people's mid to late twenties, rather than these people are trained AND in their mid to late twenties. Thanks, Bryan. besides that, everything seems fine.
Answered By: OHMA - 6/29/2008
yikes, Bri! That is way too involved for a cover letter of ANY sort. I would get a book on resume writing and cover letter writing from Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com! You will find examples there. Gramatically it's ok, I think. I just skimmed it. Best of luck! Peace.
Answered By: "Corey" - 6/29/2008
I *find* myself to be in a bit of a predicament... More
Answered By: Goddess of Grammar - 6/29/2008
This requires a complete rewrite. Remember the KISS principle. Keep it simple. In its present form it is a letter to be directed to the rubbish bin rather than for a second reading.. The text reads very much like sub continent English written by someone who has found a book on management.
Answered By: NICHOLAS - 6/29/2008
Bryan - there is no way that any employer has the time to read through this entire cover letter when there is a stack of hundreds of others that are short, fact-filled examples of how another candidate meets the employer's needs. It will be glanced at and tossed immediately. Keep it short - highlight the skills that... More
Answered By: TeacherMom - 6/30/2008
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