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Should I dump my gf because she has 2 kids????Help..?

I feel so horrible asking this quetion.. I love my gf. We have been together for a little more than a year. I want to do so much with her. She makes me happy. There is just one problem. We have 2 completley different upbringings and lives. She has kids. Young ones, and I dont know how I am supposed to feel about them. I know they are kids, but I want kids with her myself.. She would be PERFECT if she didnt have any kids. Am I driving in a roundabout? Will I ever get anywere with this mild resentment? If so, if I should dump her, how would I do it, without making her feel horrible and upset, and without her hating her own children?? I am asking this quetion not so much for my sake, but for her childrens.I dont want them to be too attached if I am only going to hurt them.Father Not aroun Like I said, everything is perfect, with the exception that, I cant get over the fact that she isnt that flexible because of her children. She also seems to live day to day..No goals.No job Yes, she and I want another child eventually. Its not that I DONT want to accept her children, its just that I am not sure yet. We are in our late 20's. The father is not involved with them at all. SHe openly tells me she has no goals.She just stopped looking forward to things..We talk a lot about this.. Its like I have to help motivate her..

Asked By: discoveryjack62 - 7/6/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I think it is admirable that you recognize that now that you might harbor some resentment for her kids and love her, and yes even her kids, enough to know this and possibly walk away. I am a step parent and my kids have a step mother. My kids detest their step mother and she is definitely jealous of them and not even... More
Answered By: concernedmom - 7/6/2008
Additional Answers (20)
if you tuly care the kids would not matter
Answered By: crazyfool23 - 7/6/2008
 
NO no no. Dont dump her because she has kids. That is DISCUSTING and stupid. Especially if you really like/love her!
Answered By: *♥Edward Cullen's Twihard♥* - 7/6/2008
 
Get rid of her. Her kids will always be more important than you. Why do you want to inherit another person's problem? Once they get attached, you will be emotionally AND LEGALLY responsible for them. Try to get out and it'll cost you big money for 18 years. Avoid single mothers like the plague... More
Answered By: ickysmits - 7/6/2008
 
i dont want to be mean...but its her fault that she decided to have kids so young (i assume you are young)...but once you have kids they are your life...and if you were really in love with her you wouldnt be asking this...so yes i think you should find someone new, who you can start a life with...someone with goals, a... More
Answered By: Beth - 7/6/2008
 
If you can't see yourself being emotionally attached to her kids (you don't have to be their father, but something like a close uncle), then you are not doing her any favours by sticking around. As difficult as it may be, tell her how you feel.
Answered By: assip - 7/6/2008
 
You are a recipe for the disaster of those poor children. My daughter met her second husband and he is a wonderful step father to my granddaughter. He is better then her own father. So if you think she would be perfect without kids, trust me she would be PERFECT without you. If she hates her own children because of you... More
Answered By: blueladyblue_r - 7/6/2008
 
when you break up dont mention her kids. also dont mention her not having any goals. she is after all a mom. and that is a worthy goal. just break up by that you have an increase in hours at work and that you like her but you really want to focus on work and you are feeling mixed up in your head.
Answered By: little rose - 7/6/2008
 
If you love her enough, the number of kids in the deal shouldn't matter at all. Its a package deal... More
Answered By: BU - 7/6/2008
 
Wow.... you have a few issues here to deal with... More
Answered By: Racer - 7/6/2008
 
yes, leave her for your own sake then hers, what you call little resentment will grow into big huge mountains and no one deserves to feel unhappy, and when you let her go you may be giving her a chance to meet a guy who is looking for a ready made family, and she has no goal and no job, why would you want to take on a... More
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Answered By: QUEEN RUTH - 7/6/2008
 
when your in a relationship with someone who has kids then yuor in a relationship with the kids too. you could treat the kids as if they were your own and have a kid or 2 with her still. (that would be a lot of kids lol) but if you do break up(dump sounds so harsh) don't mention anything about the kids cause that's too... More
Answered By: J.Bond is HOTT - 7/6/2008
 
you should have been upfront with her two years ago,the children's emotions are already involved because you have been with their mother for two years,you need to think about something this way. if you had children by her and then you died how would you want another man to treat your children????? really think about... More
Answered By: Key - 7/6/2008
 
If you are unhappy about the kids, get out quick. The longer you wait the harder it will be for everyone. You really should have made this decision a LONG time ago.
Answered By: ferg400 - 7/6/2008
 
Just around the bend ... You will not be those kids father with this attitude but before you know it those kids will be gone .they are not that young! Thier own dad is very much a part of thier lives ,. so if you love her kids won't matter! She needs a much better job yes ... so if you lay down those rules she'll... More
Answered By: Whistle M - 7/6/2008
 
I never dated guys with kids - I don't want children so it was always a huge dealbreaker for me. I'm married now and even after 3 years I still don't want a family, husband is good with it. Anyway, think about the things that are important to you - if children are not - you need to move on and find a woman who doesn'... More
Answered By: Winebabe - 7/6/2008
 
If you truly love her then you could love her children.One day... More
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Answered By: momwanda - 7/6/2008
 
First of all does she want another child with you? Second of all for you to have "mild resentment" sounds like it would end in a nightmare for her and for those poor innocent children that you may"mildly resent" You will be doing her a large favor to speak your mind now and let her know if she didnt have them she would... More
Answered By: chloewinters2007 - 7/6/2008
 
I think you need to be honest with yourself and answer the following question... More
Answered By: Scott S - 7/6/2008
 
Let her go. If you are feeling this now, it more than likely will always be there and I have a feeling that is what you're afraid of. Tell her you have had a great time and that you'll never forget her, but you need to move on for personal reasons. That way you aren't making the kids the reason-to her. I felt... More
Answered By: joshsgrl82600 - 7/6/2008
 
If you REALLY care about her...love her then the kids shouldn't matter. My older brother is with a woman who had two daughters and over the years they had a son together, still together and happy.
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Answered By: Daya - 7/6/2008
 
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