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Should I dump my gf because she has 2 kids????Help..?

I feel so horrible asking this quetion..
I love my gf. We have been together for a little more than a year.
I want to do so much with her. She makes me happy.
There is just one problem.
We have 2 completley different upbringings and lives.
She has kids. Young ones, and I dont know how I am supposed to feel about them.

I know they are kids, but I want kids with her myself..
She would be PERFECT if she didnt have any kids.
Am I driving in a roundabout? Will I ever get anywere with this mild resentment?
If so, if I should dump her, how would I do it, without making her feel horrible and upset, and without her hating her own children??
I am asking this quetion not so much for my sake, but for her childrens.I dont want them to be too attached if I am only going to hurt them.Father Not aroun
Like I said, everything is perfect, with the exception that, I cant get over the fact that she isnt that flexible because of her children. She also seems to live day to day..No goals.No job
Yes, she and I want another child eventually.
Its not that I DONT want to accept her children, its just that I am not sure yet.
We are in our late 20's.
The father is not involved with them at all.
SHe openly tells me she has no goals.She just stopped looking forward to things..We talk a lot about this..
Its like I have to help motivate her..

Asked By: discoveryjack62 - 7/5/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I think it is admirable that you recognize that now that you might harbor some resentment for her kids and love her, and yes even her kids, enough to know this and possibly walk away. I am a step parent and my kids have a step mother. My kids detest their step mother and she is definitely jealous of them and not even the least bit empathetic to their feelings and needs when they are there. I love kids and would like to think that I treat my stepsons well when they are here but I can tell you that you never feel about your step-kids like you do your own unless you get them at a very young age which it sounds like your girlfriends are. This way you can have some say in the morals and beliefs system to which they are raised. That will make parenting them much, much easier. They will know you as a dad. If you truly love this woman then you need to also committ to these kids. If you can't you are being a good man by walking away now. I would just be honest with her but stand firm on whatever decision you make. Best of luck.
Answered By: m - 7/5/2008
Additional Answers ()
Let her go. If you are feeling this now, it more than likely will always be there and I have a feeling that is what you're afraid of. Tell her you have had a great time and that you'll never forget her, but you need to move on for personal reasons. That way you aren't making the kids the reason-to her. I felt resentment when my husband had to pay child support and wasn't allowed to see his daughter. I hated it, I hated her mother and resented the hell out of her. Not healthy, but I dealt with it, and once in a while, it still nags...and she isn't even physically present. See what I am getting at? Hope this helps:)
Answered By: joshsgrl82600 - 7/6/2008
If you REALLY care about her...love her then the kids shouldn't matter. My older brother is with a woman who had two daughters and over the years they had a son together, still together and happy.
Source(s):
My brother.
Answered By: Daya - 7/6/2008
If you tuly care the kids would not matter
Answered By: crazyfool23 - 7/5/2008
NO no no. Dont dump her because she has kids. That is DISCUSTING and stupid. Especially if you really like/love her!
Answered By: *♥Edward Cullen's Twihard♥* - 7/5/2008
Get rid of her. Her kids will always be more important than you. Why do you want to inherit another person's problem? Once they get attached, you will be emotionally AND LEGALLY responsible for them. Try to get out and it'll cost you big money for 18 years. Avoid single mothers like the plague.

Edit: I realize I’ll get plenty of thumbs down for my remarks from single mothers who would want you to be tricked, but it’s the truth – you will get screwed if you stick around. You will find softer, less blunt answers below about why you should leave because of your thoughts…and that’s a good thing. The bottom line is that your feelings are natural but never settle for anything less. The law does not favor men in your situation and, if she's as lazy as you say she is, she will find a way to squeeze you dry.
Answered By: ickysmits - 7/5/2008
I dont want to be mean...but its her fault that she decided to have kids so young (i assume you are young)...but once you have kids they are your life...and if you were really in love with her you wouldnt be asking this...so yes i think you should find someone new, who you can start a life with...someone with goals, a job...and that doesnt use you to feed her and her kids.

answer mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Avg9Pi.VVhtRshgOiaLhWJnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080706031840AA1ZVkg
Answered By: Beth - 7/5/2008
If you can't see yourself being emotionally attached to her kids (you don't have to be their father, but something like a close uncle), then you are not doing her any favours by sticking around. As difficult as it may be, tell her how you feel.
Answered By: assip - 7/5/2008
You are a recipe for the disaster of those poor children. My daughter met her second husband and he is a wonderful step father to my granddaughter. He is better then her own father. So if you think she would be perfect without kids, trust me she would be PERFECT without you. If she hates her own children because of you then she should NOT have the right to them. You have a very low opinion of her, saying she has no goals no job. Maybe she is busy looking after the children that YOU resent. Get out of her life do her a favor and her children a favor and find someone who thinks selfishly like you. God help you if your marriage fails and you are left with a child and you find another woman selfish like you are.
Answered By: blueladyblue_r - 7/5/2008
When you break up dont mention her kids. also dont mention her not having any goals. she is after all a mom. and that is a worthy goal. just break up by that you have an increase in hours at work and that you like her but you really want to focus on work and you are feeling mixed up in your head.
Answered By: little rose - 7/5/2008
If you love her enough, the number of kids in the deal shouldn't matter at all. Its a package deal.

Even if you two do eventually have kids of your own you will expect her to take care of all the kids as her own.

Its binding and NON-NEGOTIABLE.

Don't feel bad. Its a life challenge you need to overcome.

The question is, are you man enough to accept the whole package without reservations.

Good luck, I hope you find your own resolve.
Answered By: BU - 7/5/2008
Wow.... you have a few issues here to deal with.

Firstly, her children. You started a relationship with her knowing her children were part of that relationship. Why would you recent these children? Do they not like you? Are they disrespectful to you? If you answer no to these questions, then.... the problem is all yours dude. You are turning your back on these children.... why? What is your answer for that? Why the resentment?

You say you want to have children of your own with her. Is she amenable to this idea?

You also state that she lives day to day with no goals and no job. Is she at home caring for her children? Are they in school full time yet? If they are not, then that's probably why she's staying at home...daycare is very expensive. If the children are in school full time, then you need to sit her down and ask her why she doesn't want to work and why she has no goals set in her life.

You guy's need to communicate a lot more before you decide to call this quits. You also need to do more soul searching within yourself to see if you can make this work or not.
Answered By: Racer - 7/5/2008
Yes, leave her for your own sake then hers, what you call little resentment will grow into big huge mountains and no one deserves to feel unhappy, and when you let her go you may be giving her a chance to meet a guy who is looking for a ready made family, and she has no goal and no job, why would you want to take on a burden like that? please leave her,this will be for the best, and don't feel bad about doing it, you have a right to be happy and one day have your own child, raising kids that are not yours is a very very hard thing to do no matter how good the kids are , tell her the truth she will respect you for it, make stuff up and you will be a liar and make her hate you, good luck, you are not a bad person but a very decent and honest one,
Source(s):
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Answered By: QUEEN RUTH - 7/5/2008
When your in a relationship with someone who has kids then yuor in a relationship with the kids too. you could treat the kids as if they were your own and have a kid or 2 with her still. (that would be a lot of kids lol) but if you do break up(dump sounds so harsh) don't mention anything about the kids cause that's too horrible. just be like this isn't going to work out. and since you've been together for a year no matter how you do it i'm sure she will feel horrible and upset. but she'll get over it and you will to. if your not completely good with the relationship and your asking yourself so many questions then you shouldn't go through with it cause that will only make it hurt more the longer it goes on. =S good luck.
Answered By: J.Bond is HOTT - 7/5/2008
You should have been upfront with her two years ago,the children's emotions are already involved because you have been with their mother for two years,you need to think about something this way. if you had children by her and then you died how would you want another man to treat your children????? really think about that because she is a packaged deal and children do not make a person love someone more or less that is just your selfishness, you may find out that loving them as if they are your own would be joy full when they are grown up and even if you had children by her they would love their steps with no resentment only resentment towards you for treating them differ ant. If you really loved this woman you would not half to ask this question,so go on with your selfish self and tell her why you are leaving so she can see the pig that you really are, if you stay all you will do is abuse these children. she deserves to find a deceit man that already understands this..
Answered By: Key - 7/5/2008
If you are unhappy about the kids, get out quick. The longer you wait the harder it will be for everyone.

You really should have made this decision a LONG time ago.
Answered By: ferg400 - 7/5/2008
Just around the bend ... You will not be those kids father with this attitude but before you know it those kids will be gone .they are not that young! Thier own dad is very much a part of thier lives ,. so if you love her kids won't matter! She needs a much better job yes ... so if you lay down those rules she'll either kick you to the curb or leave you with a smile!
Answered By: Whistle M - 7/5/2008
I never dated guys with kids - I don't want children so it was always a huge dealbreaker for me. I'm married now and even after 3 years I still don't want a family, husband is good with it. Anyway, think about the things that are important to you - if children are not - you need to move on and find a woman who doesn't have baggage.
Answered By: Winebabe - 7/5/2008
If you truly love her then you could love her children.One day
you will have kids and you will have to fit them into your lives.
Children grow up so fast it is not like they stay little forever.
Get out now if you can't give these children unconditional love.
And remember you may let the love of your life past by just
because she has kids.
Source(s):
mom of 3
Answered By: momwanda - 7/5/2008
First of all does she want another child with you? Second of all for you to have "mild resentment" sounds like it would end in a nightmare for her and for those poor innocent children that you may"mildly resent" You will be doing her a large favor to speak your mind now and let her know if she didnt have them she would be perfect..she may surprise you if she is a good woman and say you know you would be perfect too if you werent so d**n selfish and if you didnt totally have no respect for me. She needs to know how little you think of her with "no goals, no job" her job is her children dont you feel you should give her credit for that? Leave her and let her find a good man that loves her. YOU do not!
Answered By: chloewinters2007 - 7/5/2008
I think you need to be honest with yourself and answer the following question:

Am I in this relationship because it really works for me, or am I enjoying feeling like a "knight in shining armor" trying to save this person who feels trapped with no goals.....no job. That has a lot of allure for many guys. Fatherhood is a huge responsibility with your own kids...taking on someone elses takes a large amount of intestinal fortitude.....you have all of the work and yet when they have smashed up your car, you cannot even reflect back to the moment of conception as consolation...lol.
Answered By: Scott S - 7/5/2008
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