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Peer Edit my short essay please?

This is a persuasive essay for american literauture and my piece is about how we the United States should not have required military service. I'm not the best writer.. :P
Is there anything I can add or do to make it the best? ^__^

The Boots of Our Country Are Filled Out Enough
How would you feel if you were required to serve in the military, without your consent? Would you be angry, disappointed, or even worried that your lifelong dreams would not play themselves out? Required military service should be a choice not a rule to be constrained by. America has had a volunteer military since 1973. Fewer than 160,000 of 1.3 million are on active duty and 1.1 million in the reserves are in Iraq. This goes to show that our country does not need a draft, because there is no lack of soldiers. If our country is attacked, the people will voluntarily rise to defend themselves.
Life in the military proves to be dangerous, and a volunteer handles it best. Volunteers have felt the call of duty and regard their country and fellow citizens so highly, that they’re even willing to risk their own lives for them. On the flip side, drafted soldiers who are forced into duty prove to be less effective. They would rather not be there in the first place! Our country does not a draft for volunteers being less effective. Veterans with combat experience would agree that the worst thing you could have is someone that you need to be a professional and is not. The security and safety of everyone else is highly critical, especially when you’re dependant on the person working next to you. The professional soldier should be there by choice and without reservations. This may not always be true but it is much more likely.
Currently, the support for domestic war is dropping and military support is remaining high. The only reason for a draft would be to undermine the morale of military forces fighting the war. For example: American support for involvement in Vietnam was undermined by soldiers who came home to oppose the war and draftees who refused to go there. The opponents of involvement in Iraq want to create a similar situation, which is why there is support for a draft among the very people who don’t support the war. Drafting is an unpopular idea that hasn’t been used since the Vietnam War.
Not only is required military service unnecessary, it is morally wrong. In other words, obligatory service is much like slavery. Imagine what would happen to our country’s saying, “America, the home of the brave and the free”. Slavery is if you were forced against your will to work for someone or some organization. Sound familiar? Required military service is not so different from that definition. Slavery back in the 1860’s was composed of ideas that, an entire race of people were lesser beings and physical punishment was the norm. Obligatory service may not be exactly like slavery, but it is beyond how harsh the conditions are. When you serve in the military you are required to put your own life at stake, and even possibly take others’ lives too. When it came to slavery back in the 1800’s, you were only putting your own life at risk, not the lives of others. Regardless of what kind of slavery obligatory service is, it is wrong even when the people oblige to it.
It would be dangerous and not much benefit to our defense, to reinstitute an American military draft. Our country has enough men and women to fill in the boots of our plans against the war on terror. If, in the future the government would initiate a draft, the youth would not be ready to be adults. Even now, the youth aren’t ready to face the world alone. In some way or another, the youth are all dependant on other people and modern technology. Maybe back in the revolutionary days it made sense to draft the young men who were dependant on themselves at a young age. But it would not make sense to call for a draft in this day and age, where the youth of today make most life changing decisions at a later age as well. The youth of today are the leaders of tomorrow, so it would be in our country’s best interest to make the most out of their education. So in the long run, the leaders of the future could make smart choices to prevent any wars from happening in the first place.












Asked By: RikaChu♥ - 9/3/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I hope that this helps--I checked this with http://www.twilocity.com/
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How would you<[you] (pronoun--second person) <Eliminate second person (you, your, etc.) in academic documents, and avoid addressing the reader directly. Use [one] or [one's] See APA p. 37 and § 2.08. feel [feel] only use for an emotional or sensory state if you<[you] (pronoun--second person) < see previous comment on this*Last reminder--read the rest of the document carefully to locate other similar errors* were required<<For passive voice, such as this, and when to use it--see APA, §2.06 and The Gregg Reference Manual, ¶¶ 1036-1037 to serve in the military, without your consent? <in academic writing, eliminate rhetorical questions that require no answer or that you will be answering--either delete the question or rephrase to create a statement< See suggested solutions--The Gregg Reference Manual, ¶ 110b* Would you be angry, disappointed, or even worried that your lifelong dreams would not play themselves out? Required military service should be a choice not a rule to be constrained<this is passive voice--see previous comment by. America has had a volunteer military since 1973. Fewer than 160,000 of 1.3 million are on active duty and 1.1 million in the reserves are in Iraq. This goes to show that our<[our--do not include the reader or claim untitled ownership] (pronoun--possessive) <Replace the pronoun with an article (a, an, or the) or an indefinite pronoun (one's) to focus the writing on the topic. See APA p. 37 and § 2.08. country does not need a draft, because there is Avoid beginning sentences or clauses with expletive constructions<It/There + is/are/was/were> (or any of their variations, such as there comes or there may be) when you can find more specific nouns and pronouns that create more direct and accurate wording. no lack of soldiers. If our country is attacked<this is passive voice--see previous comment, the people will voluntarily rise to defend themselves.
Life in the military proves to be dangerous, and a volunteer handles it best. Volunteers have felt [felt] only use for an emotional or sensory state the call of duty [call of duty] rewrite with job or find another academic word/phrase<for academic writing--avoid using slang, jargon, clichés, colloquialisms, euphemisms, trite expressions, and wordiness--see APA §§ 2.03-2.04 and regard their country and fellow citizens so highly, that<< [that preceded by punctuation] if the punctuation offsets an interruption (nonessential information)--replace [that] with [which]; otherwise, use either [that] or a comma if there is a natural break here, but not both--see Gregg ¶172b they’re [they're]--avoid all (e.g., don't=do not) contractions in formal writing, except within direct quotes--do not confuse with their or there even willing to risk their own lives for them. On the flip side<<flipside (rewrite with opposing or another academic word/phrase)--combine these words, drafted soldiers who are forced into duty prove to be less effective. They [They<<Avoid vague pronoun references that cause the reader/grader to backtrack for understanding--add the actual subject for clarity<] would rather not be there in<<(there in) can be confusing--missing punctuation? (there, in) or (therein) [into that thing/place]--combine these words the first place! Our country does not a draft for volunteers being less effective. Veterans with combat experience would agree that the worst thing you<< [thing(s)] followed by the pronoun [you] may need an intervening [that] if misreading is possible [thing(s) that you] could have is someone that << [someone that/which]--use who or whom for human beings--use that or which for animals and for things (company, group, etc.) you need to be a professional and is not. The security and safety of everyone else is highly critical, especially when you’re [you're] leave the reader out of the paper and avoid all (e.g., don't=do not) contractions in formal writing, except within direct quotes dependant <<[dependant] is a British spelling--not wrong, but be sure to cite source (if used)--be consistent in use on the person working next to you. The professional soldier should be there by choice and without reservations. This may not always be true but it is much more likely.
Currently, the support for domestic war is dropping and military support is remaining high. The only reason for a draft would be to undermine the morale of military forces fighting the war. For example: American support for involvement in Vietnam was undermined by soldiers who came home to oppose the war and draftees who refused to go there. The opponents of involvement in Iraq want to create a similar situation, which is why there is---see first comment on expletive construction usage support for a draft among the very people who don’t [don't] avoid all (e.g., don't=do not) contractions in formal writing, except within direct quotes support the war. Draft
Answered By: Robert S - 9/4/2008
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