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Cant understand what to do?

Cant understand what to do? I am 27 running.I am a Software Quality Assurance engineer with 4 years of experience. From the beginning of my career I wanted to do programming. But due to my closed nature and less knowledge of what works and what does not work in the world, I didn't learn any new language like Java during start of my career which could have given me a quick job. The market conditions and my personal condition (need for money) made me take up job as QA Engineer working with PERL as language. I have worked with PERL for 3.5 years uptill now. I have failed to realize what was needed for me and just worked like a DOG on office work ignoring personal things like exercise, phiscque, enjoymment, dating girls. I left my hometown 2 years ago and came to this metro for job as QA Engineer for an MNC. Here I proved myself and got switched from QA to Development to work in C++. But due to my improper upbringing & my mental condition (I struck to my principles to stand against this immoral manager & proved myself. I should have not have not involved so much and should have fought for my righ to switch. But this is the way I am not able to deal with politics or say I am not intelligent enough/avoided to do diplomacy), It took me 2 years for this switch when it should have taken 1.5 years. And in this period I worked devotely and didnt get time to study DEVELOPMENT which i always wanted to do. During the switch I gave up my promotion to Senior QA Engineer & hike of about rs 1lakh. In this 2 years, I have lost my good physique (I am VEG & leave alone & eat outside), started loosing my hair (due to water & conditions here) and have no friends in this city. On top of that after switching to DEVELOPMENT, unfortunately my anxiety & other conditions made me do a quick switch where there is NO work or very very little work. I miss my hometown badly, if I go to my hometown I will be able to enjoy good food, save further fall of my hair, have good company of friend, date girls. But the problem is that I will have to go back as QA Engineer. Life as a QA Engineer will leave me with the future scope of being a TEAM LEAD or MANAGER after few years. But I am poor in dealing with people although I am technically very strong. I have a very good belief and strong confidence that I am capable to much more than that. If I stay in this metro, I will be able to learn DEVELOPMENT in C++ (only when work is assgined to me) or I will have to do JAVA on my own and apply for QA positions where strong technical background is required (Eg Google). This is may take at least 6 months more. I have prepared but there was gap of 3 months in this due to my failure to deal with the girl I liked. I have screwed up very badly on that front since I always avoided people trying to be austere and focusing on work and studies. I didnt understand the importance of diplomacy I treated it as against my principles which I didn't leave at any cost. If I decide to be hardcore developer it will take atleast 1 years of good work. After that my experience will be 5.5 years (4.5 as QA ENGINEER & 1 as DEVELOPER) but the availability of work depends on the company (it will not take more than 2-3 months to get work). Also I think it will be difficult for me to stay in this metro, due to worry about me losing hair and not being able to socialize and date girls of my mother tongue. Anyway, in any case to go ahead in career I have to learn languages. See what I have done to myself. After sacrificing 2 years I am went with LOT of studies & struggle to do again sacrificing my personal enjoyments. I can end up in my hometown as QA Engineer, earn good salary & enjoy. But this will deprive me of this chance to get into GOOGLE as QA Engineer or be a DEVELOPER. I feel desperate that I need to network with people and have as much as interaction with them . I have realized this after I have screwed up to do even friendship with the GIRL who I searched for 2 years. Only now I understand the importance of socializing. MY IMPROPER UPBRINGING (closed nature to orthodox customs, lack of guidance & care ), FAMILY CONDITIONS HAVE ALWAYS MADE ME SACRIFICE for whatever I have achieved. I have payed heavily for whatever I have. This is always the case with me that I have to lead MISERABLE life to enjoy something / achieve something. Because I settle only for what I want & my level of thinking (maturity) is a hurdle in pursuing my goals. I KNOW I AM NOT MATURE FOR MY AGE, I ALWAYS BEAR VERY BAD EMBARRASSMENT WHEN I RY SOMETHING NEW. I fear I will loose my temper. I am embarrassed in NEW conditions What do I do? I never had any kind of support from my father & mother. They themselves are immature. Me being emotional, my father abused me by beating me and saying things that screwed my confidence. He deprived me of money & good clothes which I needed in order to socialize although he paid for my higher educatons

Asked By: G - 9/15/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
why do u worry so much unnecessarily ?? you are good at your job ( that is what your €mployee wants from you ) , you speak & do your mind, .... i think u judge yourself too harshly .... if you try to talk & mingle with people you genuinely like it will not be hard for you to make good friends either .In any case YOU... More
Answered By: bhejaFry - 9/18/2008
Additional Answers (2)
It is the usual case in any Indian middle class family.Since you are shy to mingle with groups try to listen to the group so that you may understand the requirement of masses in general and then you try to work out what the other person expects from you.Secret of success lies in giving what others require.Society is a... More
Answered By: Rajasekhar G - 9/15/2008
 
My psych prof was talking about something along this line last week. If your parents weren't there to support you, it's up to you to take matters into your own hands and do what you need to do to improve the quality of your life. All the support in the world doesn't mean anything unless you're motivated to take action... More
Answered By: Sunnybear - 9/15/2008
 
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