Am i trapped in britain forever ? how do i get out ?? grrrgh.....i need help !!!?
I feel depressed today because of this , and for some strange reason, a lot of brits talk down to me and condescend me when i talk about my future goals of emigration - they tell me there ' unrealistic ' and i need to adjust my goals , it makes me paranoid like their controlling my life , like their trying to keep me in britain.
i dont hate britain , i just dont want to be here, even though im at disadvantages my goals are still to emigrate with a decent paid job in computers..
here is my situation that is depressing me ;
im 30 now , suffered a misfortunate life, i have BPD and ptsd, i live in a one bedroom apartment on disability , i own next to nothing except an old computer.
i have missed out on things like forming relationships in life - being employed or gaining any qualifications - i have a criminal record and a psychiatric record .
iam starting my life from scratch and the only goal i have is to emigrate from england for good with a decent paid computer job.
even though at my disadvantages it will be difficult to accomplish.
this depresses me.
endured a hard miserable misfortunate life, have a criminal history, a psychiatric history, have borderline personality and ptsd, missed out on everything in life ; forming relationships, being employed , qualifications etc.
i live alone in a small one bedroom apartment in england , i own nothing except a computer.
iam presently waiting for group therapy because thers no DBT or individual psychotherapy in my area.
pretty shht if you ask me , worthless mental health system.
inspite of my extreme misfortune i hate to be pittied or felt sorry for a treated as inferior.
inspite of my misfortune and disadvantages my only goals left are to leave, emigrate from england, to live somewhere by a quiet coastal village.
my only goals are to LEAVE ENGLAND , emigrate , with a good paying job - but that goal seems unobtainable and out of reach at my disadvantages..
still i will fight to the death to reach those goals, to leave england - and i mean what i say.
right now iam presently waiting for group therapy.......but i dont want things to take ' time ' and one step at a time and all that shht i i want my goals next week while im reletively still young , next week..
I WANT TO LEAVE BRITAIN BUT I FEEL STUCK !!!!!
im desperate to achieve my goals of leaving but are stuck here at many disadvantages.
most people here talk down to me or condescend me, say discouraging things like my goals of leaving britain with a good job in computers arnt ' realistic ' and that with my past it will be impossible , that i need to lower my goals..
im not prepared to do that, i really want out of here.
ive made my mistakes in the past and now iam trying to reform myself , but its like people here are ' keeping me prisoner ' against my will.
the other night i ring the samaritans because iam feeling really depressed about this and some yorkshire woman condescends me, winds me up and starts to say discouraging remarks about my life situation and my goals of wanting to emigrate , telling me
'' we all have those goals in life , but not all of us get them '' and that
'' i have to be realistic and lower my sights ''
i told her she didnt have a fckg clue , i grew angry, enraged even , and shouted abuse at her down the phone..
she laughed in a mocking way like she had succeeded in provoking me and hung up on me.
i get this same response or similar from other brits here and people around me, i swear its like their trying to keep me here and control me.
because of my problems i cant always control my mind , and feel easily undermined by these people.
im deadly serious when i say i want to leave or else im gonna flip.
i cant handle people telling me my past mistakes will go against me and that im virtually a prisoner in england.
i need help !
i have a past and made mistakes but now im a reforming character, trying to get the help via the mental health services - what more can i do ?
people here are sadistic plebs, trying to undermine me and my goals telling me to forget it , that their unrealistic .
how sick his that ? to undermine a persons hopes and dreams ?
no one can blame me for wanting to emigrate - i do want to leave , it has been a long wish of mine from childhood.
i dont hate britain , i just simply want to leave and not be here , but the way brits are acting , its like their trying to undermine and keep me here against my own will.
Asked By: ∫e mousquetaire XVI - 9/23/2008