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My mom is lazy and crazy. What would you do?

After dealing with her rude, obnoxious, selfish behavior for 34+ years - I have had enough - For my own sake, and for my own financial well-being, I need to distance myself from her. I cannot take care of her and I refuse to take her in. My mother constantly complains to me about how poor she is all the time, but she refuses to get a full-time job. There is nothing wrong with her! She was able to get on disability for having bi-polar and borderline personality disorder as well as type 2 diabetes. I just think that she's lazy and she feels entitled. There are people with real problems in this world who go to work everyday. She's a very difficult person to be around: complains constantly about the smallest things, she's bossy, has terrible table manners, pretends to have injuries, be in constant pain, etc. I think that she gets "injured" and has surgeries to get attention. Mom invites herself to my home and always wants me to entertain her. I refuse to give her money, but I just bought her $$$ in much-needed clothes, but she barely said thank you. I could have used that money to pay bills. I really am starting to resent her. How can I tell her that enough is enough? How would you deal with this situation maturely? I feel as though I don't want her in my life anymore. I think that she has just always been indugled and spoiled by her parents. Her Type 2 Diabetes is a mild case and she was diagnosed because she refuses to eat well or make healthy lifestyle choices. She does not want to get a full-time job because she would lose her disability pay. I still have her in my life because she is my mother - I could not possibly "abandon" her, BUT keep this in mind, she has told me she wishes I would have never been born so that she could have had a better life.

Asked By: obxn8v - 11/17/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
She sounds to me like a toxic parent... More
Answered By: Denise LaFrance - 11/17/2008
Additional Answers (22)
Are you my sister... More
Answered By: Charlotte G - 11/17/2008
 
i would murder her but since she wouldnt be worth going to jail for i would just stay away from her or tlak to her and tell her u love her but u cant take it and u will no longer be around her if she continues to act the way she does
Answered By: AshleyBear - 11/17/2008
 
I would just tell her that she needs a life and that you want to live your own. If you are 34 then that means that you are your own person now. best of luck!
Answered By: 2and2makes4 - 11/17/2008
 
just explain it in the nicest way possible even right it down before hand to make sure what your going to say sounds right
Answered By: C00k13& - 11/17/2008
 
you say there is nothing wrong with her, then you say she's bi-polar, has borderline p.d., and is diabetic. which is it?
Answered By: Amy M - 11/17/2008
 
SLAM...click. (shut the door and lock it). Sometimes the best help is to not help at all.
Answered By: Joe - 11/17/2008
 
All you can do is sit and tell her how you feel about her. If she doesn't listen or just blows it off then tell her there will be consequences. If she doesn't change distance yourself from her and don't let her lean on you as a financial crutch.
Answered By: Danielle M - 11/17/2008
 
You're an adult now, just be strong and tell her you can't afford to deal with her financially or emotionally anymore. She's not your responsibility, and make it very clear to her that you're not going to do anything more for her.
Answered By: woodwinman - 11/17/2008
 
Tell her to get off her lazy butt, get a job and stop dwelling. Tell her that sitting there bitching about things won't get it done any faster... More
Answered By: Woof!!! - 11/17/2008
 
wow, you really have it bad.... i'm really sorry for you! tell her to stay away from you! maybe if she continues, you could get a restraining order against her... talk to a lawyer maybe... or social services. don't feel bad though, you need a BREAK after that long!!!
Answered By: cookie - 11/17/2008
 
Just because she happens to be your mother doesn't entitle her to stress your life like that, give her an ultimatum, either she changes her ways or you will break off your relationship and then leave (because there is a 99.99% chance she will do what she does again and again) there is no justification to being close to... More
Answered By: pura_rosa - 11/17/2008
 
Perhaps you should go to a family counsellor with her. Obviously she has issues, and doubt she would go on her own...and in some respects you are now having issues dealing with her, so a counsellor could be an objective observer/mediator. Just tell her straight, get help, or get out (ok, you can say it a little nicer... More
Answered By: J A - 11/17/2008
 
She gave you life, and no matter what the reason you resent her you have to remember that without her you wouldn't be alive.
Answered By: ~*BB*~ - 11/17/2008
 
May be you really do need to get way from her you never know once she has to fend for herself she may pull herself together and improve on her lifestyle. Tough decision and good luck.
Answered By: McHaggis Scoticus - 11/17/2008
 
Move out on your own and stop being so dramatic....haha
Answered By: *Dear Prudence* - 11/17/2008
 
If she was diagnosed as being bipolar then that could be the problem. Mental illness still has a stigma to it. Why else wouldn't she get her life in order? I can't imagine that anyone really enjoys being a loaf. I do know some bipolar people. They aren't all the same. It's not one disorder for everyone. She sounds... More
Answered By: Sahara - 11/17/2008
 
That's a tough one. I have kind of the same problem with my mom, but not as severe as your problem. You should try and convince her to see a therapist. It sounds like she really needs one. Don't give her money anymore, because that's just enabling her to not have a full-time job. You need to sit down with her and have... More
Answered By: Julietta - 11/17/2008
 
Wow, you have put up with a lot for 34+ years. I'm sorry to hear that your mom is having problems in her life. It does sound like she is lazy. I would just say, "mom I understand that times are tough right now but you really need to go and look for a full-time job so that you can support yourself and pay your bills." I... More
Answered By: Ashy Its aiight :) - 11/17/2008
 
were i come from no matter how bad our parents r we find our way threw it. no matter what that's ur mom. gave u life.. maybe shes boared wit life.. or she feels that no one wants her. ur all that she has shes only human she to could have prombles get her involved wit things no matter what we can only have one... More
Answered By: DontHateThePlayerHateTheGame - 11/17/2008
 
okay, well if this conversation is insinuating she's crazy, then it can't exactly be confronted maturely. but u should tell her exactly what u put in this question. tell her what u really think of her and hopw she is ruining her own life as well as yours... More
Answered By: monkeybutt - 11/17/2008
 
The next time she comes to your house be occupied with something else, like answering questions here. Tell her you can't stop in the middle. Maybe she will get the hint and go home.
Answered By: Patricia C - 11/17/2008
 
OMG, we must be sisters also! I call my mother Joan Crawford or Nurse Ratchett. My mom is crazy, lazy and expects us to take care of her even though she has done nothing to help herself for decades. My grandparents took care of her, then my dad, now she expects us to do it. I refuse. I live on an island, so I am not... More
Answered By: IslandGirl - 11/17/2008
 
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