HELP! My Husband of barely one-year had online and phone-sex with another woman. What should I do?
I just celebrated my one-year wedding anniversary with my third husband. Not long after, I discovered that he had a brief on-line “affair” with someone out of state. Technically the affair occurred about three weeks before our anniversary. Now when I say “affair”, I mean he stayed up late at night at least on one occasion and had phone & webcam sex with a woman on-line. I also discovered that over a week or so period, he phoned and texted her several times. I confronted my husband and he vehemently denied (aka lied through his teeth) knowing the IM contact name I presented to him. He even went so far as saying that he could “sleep at night knowing that I am the only woman he wants…” This went on for about a day while I was home and he was at work. It was not until 14 hrs later when he returned home and I provided the evidence, did he “come clean”. And to add insult to injury, he acted like an asshole! ~ Basically, trying to rush me to say what I wanted to do (i.e. kick him out/divorce him whatever). And then finally the cherry on top: he said because I didn’t/don’t give him what he needs, I pretty much caused him to do that. I am both the victim and villain!!! <<< choking back the puke >>> Now I’m not going to paint a rosy honeymoon picture here. Our first year has been rocky. We rushed into the marriage, we had to deal with disgruntled family members, misbehaving children, ex’s, new and lost jobs (his losses, not mine). So true, we’ve been working through our issues. Anyway, he finally confessed and told me the “truth”. He claims that he ended it abruptly because it wasn’t what he wanted. He never actually met the woman – she was someone he met on-line. He needed to get his “rocks off” but in the end he wants a real relationship – with me. But he also minimizes it by saying it was just “phone sex” and he had no plans to actually see her. So here is my dilemma. A part of me believes this to be true. Meaning, I don’t doubt that he loves me and wants a family. But the fact that he would do this, and LIE about it so BADLY turns me off completely. Even if this was a stupid one-time mistake, how can I EVER trust him again. And here’s the kicker - why should I? If he wasn’t man enough and faithful enough to tuff it out at least ONE YEAR into our marriage before he considered cyber-cheating, where does that put his emotional stability? If the table was turned, and I cheated on HIM in this manner he would be ENRAGED. So what the heck do I do? Do I need a husband THAT bad to stay with this man? Do I forgive him and try to work at it and LIVE with the shame and emotional resentment I believe I will have for the REST of my life? HELP! Kick him to the curb or stay?
Asked By: DisgustedWithMen - 12/2/2008
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Men rarely answer these questions which is funny because women do not understand us and we DO NOT AT ALL understand you. lol... More
Answered By: InfantryKing - 12/2/2008
Additional Answers (17)
Well i think if he really cared about you he woulden't be doing that. But tell him if you find him doing that one more time "Your leaving". There.. plain and simple. If he keeps on. Well then you have your answer. And that means he disrespecting you.
Answered By: naty!? - 12/2/2008
Only you can decide to leave him or not....I can say if it was me I would probably try to work it out and seek marriage counseling. I hope that whatever you choose works out for you, I would be just as hurt.
Answered By: Nichole - 12/2/2008
If you decide to stay with him, that is a very rocky road too. It is likely that you will never trust him, or if you do, it will not be to the same extent as BC (Before Cheating... More
Answered By: Erin P - 12/2/2008
You deserve much better. Move-on and kick his azz to the curb. Life is to short to be putting up with selfish azz people. He should not have married anyone if he knew he was not ready for marriage. There are to many good honest men that do not have the opportunity to marry a good woman. Honey drop him and go find one... More
Answered By: Sue - 12/2/2008
Answered By: rooney - 12/2/2008
my suggestion to you is to run run run ..and leave him...if he did that he will do it again...and if she was there they would actualy had real sex...thats just discusting after one year..i would never trust this man again
Answered By: Juliet - 12/2/2008
I didnt read all of your question because of lack of time but this is my advice to you... More
Answered By: Future Ph.D Paola - 12/2/2008
Kick him to the curb... More
Answered By: Duffy - 12/2/2008
Does not sound like you are a very good judge of character... More
Answered By: Common Sense - 12/2/2008
YOU SHOULD SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't kick him out, there might be something else bothering him!! YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Answered By: Natalie S - 12/2/2008
let me tell you this happened to me... more then once with my husband. internet and myspace and porn sites will ruin a marriage. but even though we got help and we are still together and happy it is still hard for me to trust him in anyway. but i can't worry myself about this. i think doing the same thing to him(your... More
Answered By: millie - 12/2/2008
kick him to the curb, blah blah blah leave, blah blah blah how about you actually give him what he needs, as he suggested?
Answered By: smallpenislongtongue4444 - 12/2/2008
Leave him. I don't care if he doesn't know her or if he didn't get to touch her, etc, that is cheating and probably the first step to him taking his nasty cheating ways further. He is a dog. You don't need any man, especially one who treats you like that. Kick him to the curb!
Answered By: kristenlparker - 12/2/2008
Boot him out. He's lied once and I can promise you if he had a woman in front of him he'd do the dirty. Get rid of him you don't need a man!!
Answered By: Blackwell754 - 12/2/2008
Dump him... he doesn't love you like you deserve.
Answered By: Jay - 12/2/2008
This phone-sex thing that is the rage in this world today, is asinine and completely stupid. It seems there are a lot of NEEDY and those who need IMMEDIATE gratification to sustain their lives...What a bunch of BS. Mature and loving adults don't do this kind of crap, they really don't. I would be very leery of a ANY... More
Answered By: bunny - 12/2/2008
I see a lot of words here like cheating (no sorry talking dirty online is not cheating, it is fantasizing). Affair, no it was not an affair there was no actual contact. Confronting, did you try talking first or just leap to the instant offense? He said he wasn't getting what he needed at home, was that explored? I have... More
Answered By: Rebecca W - 12/2/2008
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