What does it mean that you cant stand people happiness and grins because your lifes never been like that ?
Ive had a very unfortunate life all my life, since adolecence, been through very traumatic circumstances : bullying, abuse, mental torture , victimisation, missed out on forming any, ' any ' relationships whatsoever, have a criminal past ,, been sectioned in a mental hospital years back, presentley live in a one bedroom apartment on disability owning ' nothing ' except a computer.
have no social support network except my aging mother and 1 or 2 online friends .
im building my life from scratch.
everyday, outside on tv , i see people happily going about their lives, living their lives, full filling their needs , surrounded by family friends , careers , busy lives , jobs every day i see it, people giggling with laughter at the drop of a hat, huge grins with joyous exp[ressions.
i feel enraged at this because thats not been my experience ever in life.
i feel jealous , bitter , enraged feel like punching those expressions away.
i suffer with bpd and ptsd and are reliant on the mental health services for support, they dont even have the therapy im asking for because of lack of resources , individual psychotherapy , so their offering occupational therapy to help integrate me back into society because ive been isolated and an outcast for so long.
somebody help, why shouldnt i be enraged or bitter ?
people out side in the local community are aloof, stand-offish, distant , non accepting when i try to be friendly , as they have been for sometime , i act desperate for friendship and acceptance from society and i cant disguise it anymore because ive suffered a lonely , miserable life , and missed out on so much , so you cant blame me really ?
also found out i could be an empath, ive been a human sponge all my life, absorbed everything bad, all the mental torture and mind games everyones done to me........thats where all the rage comes from, why i struggle with aggression.
i have a deep petrifying fear that ill grow an old aged pensioner, lonely , isolated cut off from society, alienated, ostracised and ill die lonely in britain, with the uk establishment to take care of the proceedings and i desperatly dont want that.......my big ambition is to leave the uk, start afresh elsewhere .
and please dont somebody say i wouldnt feel that way crap, try walking in my shoes for 17 years and take what i have had to take.
i dont really care if i stand alone with a question like this , this is the truth about what i feel.
my goals are in no specific order :
to leave, emigrate from britain to somewhere low key, coastal and hot.
to have a job in IT computers that pays decent enough money to live on.
to be independant, self reliant, not rely on the government anymore.
to live in my own little home, somewhere hot and coastal.
find a significant other a few friends.
and thats it.
but how will i accomplish that at my disadvantages ?
im reliant on so many things right now, mental health support from the mental health services, because i have bpd and a lot of psychological problems, aggression , mixing with people etc. need individual therapy.
my ankles injured due to a bad sprain a year back, had a diagnostic operation, damaged the tendons, waiting to hear from the result of the op yesterday. go back to the hospital in 2 weeks.
im nearly 31 , what am i going to do ? i just want out of britain, to leave this stupid country thats caused me all my problems , to achieve my goals etc.
i feel overwhelmed at the full magnitude about everything i have to work through and how long it will take and disadvantages im at.....im nearly 31 for godsake.
i feel like times running out and in a major hurry to achieve goals, leave england etc.
also im really angry seeing happy people grin and be happy because, ive missed out on that and thats never been my life
Asked By: Desert bandit part 2 ∫ - 12/20/2008
A wise man once said: Argue for your limitations long enough and they're all yours. Sounds like you've had a rough life; well, so did I and the one thing I learned was to stop living in the past. Treat each new day as an opportunity to grow, to start doing different things and doing everything differently. Deep within yourself - and nowhere else - are the keys to a happier, more fulfilling, and prosperous life. I know because that's where I am now. You are, as I am, a spiritual being in a human condition, and so every experience is a spiritual experience. The spirituality of which I speak has nothing to do with church or religion; it is simply the personality you display to the world. Nothing will change unless you change it; one action at a time, one thought at a time, one day at a time. The injuries and insults you suffered were physical and brought your spirit down. But unless you change your attitude and stop allowing the past to influence the present (and, so, the future) you will continue to experience the hurts over and over again. It's as if someone hit you over the head with a bat and you take the bat away from him and continue to hit yourself over the head with it. Does that make sense? Let go of the past; the best way to do that is to bring new experiences into your life: change your attitude, there is only one person you hate - you, and there's only one person who can change that - also you. If people seem to be rejecting you, itisn't you they are rejecting, but what you have to offer. Change your offering and watch the workl change.
Answered By: George R - 12/20/2008