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How to deal with wife's sister and belligerent boyfriend?

Hi there! I have a situation that is both troubling and difficult to deal with. If you have a moment I will outline the situation: I own a home where I live with my wife. She is from Europe and has a twin sister that I fixed up with the guy across the street (who rents and will have to move eventually as the home is in foreclosure). Her sister has been in Florida for 4 years and in a bad marriage and when that ended she came here to live and we helped her find a place to rent. She is 25, and in 7 years of being in the USA she has really done nothing but exist at the expense of others. While in Florida for 4 years she never worked, nor went to school. She never got a driver's license, nor learned to drive. When her marriage ended we had her come stay with us with the understanding it was very temporary. We helped her find a place and she moved into a room-mate situation. She eventually got a job at a sandwich shop and I introduced her to the guy across the street who I had just made friend's with after he moved in. Well, in her classic style she quickly moved in with him. It was OK for awhile-the guy is fairly nice when he's sober (he's about 28 years old). Eventually I saw that when he drank a lot he became belligerent. He snapped on me twice over trivial things, mostly related to his insecurity or when I would ask my wife's sister things like when she would look for a job, etc. By snapping I mean he would be verbally confrontational, almost to the point of a fistfight. I would be mature and just leave with my wife, only to have him try to apologize the next day. I brought a friend over once for a UFC fight and he nearly got in a fight with him-my guest! Another time he was close to fist-fight with one of his best friend's over my wife's sister again. Finally he got into a fist fight when we went out to a musical gig downtown, and I ended up in the middle of it! I had to walk home, too. Well, then the reports of him getting physical with my wife's sis began. She told my wife he pulled her hair, slapped her, and on several occasions choked her. Now, I am very uncomfortable to say the least! I now hate living across the street from them. I won't talk to the guy, but he thinks everything is OK, and wonders why I am avoiding him. I don't think he knows that my wife's sis told her about the physical abuse. My question is-how do I proceed? The police were there once. He drinks every day and has a cush job Mommy gave him. I am actually equally disgusted with my wife's sis because she is lazy and sponges off men, hasn't worked since quitting the deli job 7 month's ago, and still has no license or car, so she can't really leave him, and I'm not sure if she even wants to. What should I do? Should I continue to be uncomfortable and ignore him? Should I confront him and tell him I know about the abuse, and risk him getting mad at my wife's sis for telling her? Should I tell him perhaps that he needs to quit drinking and go to anger management before our friendship can continue? It was a big mistake having my wife's sis come to Calif, and an even bigger one setting her up across the street. Any insight into a solution is appreciated. I really am torn because we have been to his folks for Holidays, and this guy is pretty cool when he doesn't over-drink. I'm not sure I'd hang out with him if it wasn't for my wife's sis being his girlfriend, but frankly I'm tired of them both! Thank you so much!

Asked By: Chico - 2/27/2009
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Well, I can understand your wife wanting her twin sister to move to the U.S. What you need to explain to your wife is that doesn't mean that you and her are going to be her financial support. The lazy twin is just a user. She used you and her sister to get to the U.S., used the guy she married, and is using the guy... More
Answered By: Julie H - 2/27/2009
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