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Does this sound like a cool story to you?

There is a scene in star wars episode three where Anakin is slaughtering little boys. This is about a boy that survives that ordeal, and also many others before that. This is his legendary tale. Here is the introduction: Jaden lay in the dry paling grass admiring the pleasant view. The trees stood out among the brown mountains providing green flora everywhere. A lake could be seen in the distance, pertaining many happy memories for Jaden. His brother stood behind him, breathing hard from his hard labor, benefiting from the motion of swinging the axe against the tough pine wood. His mother cooked a delicious stew filled with vegetables from their own garden and meat hunted by her husband. She looked out at Jaden and admired his boyish apperance wishing he would never grow up. He looked so happy and content, never could she see him changing from that. Jaden looked sideways at his brother and gave him a mocking smile. His brother caught his glance and made motions perhaps offering him the job. Jaden laughed and lay down apparently falling asleep. Jaden started awake. He quickly stood up, and looked toward the loud noises and froze in fear. It felt like someone had thrown a freezing stone inside his belly, and a harsh croaking sound errupted. He shook and could not move. His dad lay by his mother's feet, throat slashed, blood pooling around his lean strong body. The nearby grass stained, with his protection and sacrifice. His mother was screaming like a madwoman, thrashing all about, restricted in a powerful grip by a large man with silver hair in a black tunic. His brother was kneeling on the ground, some feet away, in deep pain. Another man cloaked in deep scarlet robes had his hand on his brother's shoulder, some metallic device in his hand. His brother looked into the darkness of his hood, and spat in his face. The man pulled back his hand, as if some demon controlled it, and summoned something from the device. It was bright and white surrounded by a red deathly aura. It sliced his brother's head off in one horribly fluid motion. Jaden's scream pierced the air with a panic and sorrow like none ever heard before. Tears were streaming into his eyes and all over his face, injecting a salty taste in his mouth. The two men swivled there heads sharply, and beheaded his mom, like she was some sort of pest. They put on their hoods and sprinted towards him. Jaden saw the stained grass, the blood all around his charred house, and remembered the look in his mom's frightened eyes before her unfair death. He fell on his knees and gazed at the two men, with eyes shrouded with the daze of despair. No its not for school, I've always wanted to write a story but I always slack off. Also, my friends are doing cool things like making movies or making comic books so I feel like i have to do something to make myself unique and good. Thanks for the advice but I don't get how I'd describe them a little better?

Asked By: Lino - 4/7/2009
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
WoW! it was astonishing, i loved it , but the ending could improve a bit more by making them more detailed in my opinion, but great story actually. is it for school or something?
Answered By: juan m - 4/7/2009
Additional Answers (1)
Yeah, I think it sounds like a great story line. It would be great to hear the story of any of the boys that survived.
Answered By: hillarylover129 - 4/7/2009
 
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