Men: Can you help me understand this middle-aged guy?
I'm a 53 year old woman, my male friend in 57. We had been out of touch for 24 years, found each other online in early July, on Facebook. We liked each other a lot 30 years ago when we worked together and I was a friend of his family, but he was married then, and we were not "involved". He divorced several years ago. I was married in 1982 and divorced in 2004. His kids and mine are grown. We now live 250 miles apart in the same state. At first he was VERY enthusiastic about being back in touch, more than I had expected. Six days into the online reunion (emails), he told me he'd been secretly in love with me back 30 yrs ago. I wasn't surprised, and was glad, because I felt the same. He said he'd come see me sometime. He called me when we'd been back in touch 18 days, and we had a nice, peaceful, friendly talk, not romantic at all really, although I'd like that. I was the one to say by email before the call that I thought we should take our renewed friendship slow and be sure we knew what we were looking for, and whether we were better as friends or dating. When he got off the phone, he emailed and only said "I love you [my name] and always have." <bg> We texted quite often in the first couple of weeks, but then since about the time he said this, the emails and texts have really dropped off. I calmly asked him about this. He wrote that he is "not avoiding" me, and our friendship "means a lot" to him, but that he hates his job, at which he is working very long hours, and he's been focused on that. He's thinking of making a job change but basically within the same very lucrative field. He feels that he's at a crossroads in his life, and that a lot has gone on that makes him irritable. We've been planning that I would stop by when I'm on vacation and we'd go to lunch, Labor Day week. Today, on Facebook, he changed his "status" from "single" to "it's complicated", which IS one of the drop-down choices, not one he made up. Hm... does he have a girlfriend? I asked more than once early on, so I wouldn't be stepping in where I wasn't wanted. I DO believe he's very busy with work, but I am very confused about why he jumped into the expressions of "love", before I was even ready, and now is in contact less and now this new post online... I guess what I want to know is, why would a man say he loved a woman so early on? He DEFINITELY does not think I'm an easy mark sexually, in fact, he knows well that I am not. He hasn't contacted me at all in five days. I haven't emailed in five days, or texted in two. I'm trying to give him some space. I hadn't seen him as a player. Does it sound like, possibly, he's got some drug or alcohol thing going on? (like, which made him feel able to say he loved me, and then he sort of forgot to follow up on that by staying in touch regularly???) Interested in any insight you can offer.
Asked By: catintrepid - 8/26/2009
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
This has "middle age crisis" written all over it. And I say that as 46 year old guy... More
Answered By: Your Grace - 8/26/2009
Additional Answers (1)
He sounds to not confused and seems to have a lot going on at the moment. Just work things out slowly .
Answered By: gold digger - 8/26/2009
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