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How does the beginning of my novel sound?

Tell me what you think! And be honest! Helpful tips are appreciated! ---Some girls long for attention. I was not one of those girls. So when I walked into the Grand Hall of my new "home away from home," Barrington Academy, and saw a room full of guys go silent and watch me as I made my way to the administrative office across the room, my first reaction was to turn around and run. Of course, I couldn't do that without looking like an idiot, so I chose option number two. Keep walking. Don't make eye contact. I tried my best to walk with confidence and poise. Well, as much confidence and poise a girl could have when carrying a duffle bag and rolling two suitcases. I was struggling. ---The Grand Hall was true to its name. It was huge, and right then I hated that fact. The room was filled with tables, couches, and chairs; and as I passed by a different group of boys, their reaction was the same. Silent and staring hard at me, like I was some kind of alien to them. If this would have been a room full of girls, most of them would be filling each other in on how their summer had been. But the looks on the guys’ faces and the change in the school from being all an all boys’ boarding school to coed told me summer memories were the last thing on the guys’ mind. ---Why had my mother forced me to go to Boarding School? More importantly, why did she drop me off at the door, and then leave me to fend for myself? Granted, I was sixteen, but still! My mother was too preoccupied with her job as a publicist to worry about me. That's the way things had always been. But until last year, my dad had always been around to do the things mom was too busy to worry about. I pushed that thought aside, knowing I couldn’t think about that. ---As I opened the door to what I hoped was the administrative office, I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Closing the door behind, I could feel the eyes still on me. "Good morning!" a lady in a black suit said to me in a sing-song voice. I smiled awkwardly and dropped my bags onto the floor. The administrative office was small, with a dark cedar counter that separated me from the woman, and one dark cedar desk with a computer and phone in the back corner of the room. "Oh dear, you poor child. Carrying all of that luggage yourself. When you go to your room, we'll have one of the boys help you." Oh, goody. "I'm Mrs. Porter, student counselor. You can come to me with any questions you have. What's your name?" she asked while looking at a sheet of names. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and I couldn’t help but think that she looked much older than she probably was. ---"Eleanor Roberts" I replied. She looked at the list through her reading glasses then nodded her head. ---"Yes, Eleanor Roberts, 15A," she read on the paper. "You're roommates should be already up there. Eager to meet you I'm sure!" She handed me a folder, and went over the schedule the rest of the day. I didn't bother telling her I had already memorized the schedule for the day as well as the schedule for all of my classes. I figured most students didn't normally do that before classes started. "Stay here, Eleanor, I'll be right back," she said as she opened the office door to the Grand Hall. I could see her walking towards a group of boys, and I faintly heard her talking. "Mr. Walker, come help this young lady with her bags, please," she said as she pointed to the office. Through the office blinds and the window open to the Grand Hall, I couldn't make out which boy she was talking to. I was still looking through the blinds when I heard Mrs. Porter come back into the office. I jumped away from the blinds and ran straight into someone behind me. ---“Sorry,” I say turning around to see a guy, who I assumed was the Mr. Walker Mrs. Porter had been talking to. He didn’t say anything as we stared at each other, him practically towering over me, for what felt like minutes. His brown hair hit just at the nape of his neck, and his blue eyes didn’t look away from mine. A shiver ran up my spine, and I felt my cheeks redden. ---“Mr. Walker will help you with your belongings, Eleanor,” Mrs. Porter said, causing me to look away from his blue eyes and back to reality. I winced at the sound of my name. I absolutely hated when people called me Eleanor. Everyone back home called me Ellie. “See you at supper!” she called to me as she walked back out into the Grand Hall to snatch a paper plane out of the hands of a redheaded boy who looked to be around thirteen. Walker guy picked up my duffle bag and one of the rolling suitcases with ease and started down the hallway. I picked up the other suitcase and had no choice but to follow. ---“I’m Ellie,” I told him as we walked down the hall. The noise of the boys from the Grand Hall grew softer and softer until all I could hear was our footsteps. The hall we walked down was where most of the classrooms were. I had taken a tour of the school earlier in the summer with my moth It's not supposed to be moth. i didn't know it cut off the rest of the answer.... "I had taken a tour of the school earlier in the summer with my mother, so I knew where everything was fairly well. We had a week before classes started, so no one had to wear the uniforms today, which I was thankful for until I saw how badly I’d dressed. Walker guy was wearing jeans, a navy blue polo, and brown flip flops; his brown hair looked almost perfect. My dark brown hair, on the other hand, was flat, as usual, so I didn’t even bother trying to fix it today. I was wearing jeans and my dad’s old green jacket. My mom didn’t understand why I wore it so much, and I never felt the need to tell her. Wearing the jacket made me feel like he was still here, like nothing change when in fact everything had. I could still smell the aftershave he used to wear. Wearing the jacket just made him feel close. How could I explain all of that to my mother when she was never around?

Asked By: C - 11/5/2009
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
That was really good, but a few tips, "Walker guy..." no change that. and the last sentence should be mom instead of moth right? Other than that it was good. I would love to read more, so Good Luck! I apologize for that.You are a wonderful writer and I would love to read even more I am officially hooked.
Answered By: D.B. McKee - 11/5/2009
Additional Answers (0)
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