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Ongoing depression/BPD, despite taking medication, it isnt helping?

I have depression and BPD(?) (Question mark because there was a little conflict between my psychiatrist and doctor over it). Either way, since being at university I have been very depressed and things arent looking up. I was signed off by my tutor for two weeks when I had a very severe reaction to my medication (Fluoxitine). The doctors want to keep me on it as it's the only one I have responded well to in the past. I had all the horrid side effects physically of the drug (sickness, diarrhoea etc), but also "mental" effects; I thought about jumping out of my window in Halls of Residence twice, was shouting and screaming and was generally unwell. I told my tutor as I can spot when I am well and not and we came to the agreement that my placement (am doing a healthcare course) for two weeks. I went to my placement today (my birthday) and it went ok. I loved helping the nurse change dressings etc and meeting people from all walks of life. Initially though, I was late due to the buses and getting lost. I was so upset, some tourist came up to me and asked directions and I was so upset I said I didnt know where the f-ing place was, I was lost myself, as I was nearly in tears. However, I managed to pull myself together and behave professionally in front of patients. Personally, I dont want a disorder/disability to stop me from doing a job I want to do. Thing is, despite getting on with everyone on my course and flatmates, I dont actually have a group of friends. This results me staying in my room most of the time. The only thing I like doing which I know is an impulse is having sex with men, and spending money on expensive things, Heaven knows why it gives me a buzz. I have an on/off boyfriend but it doesnt work out and I feel very lonely. I try and distract myself outwith placement by studying, but otherwise I feel very down and the course is the only thing that keeps me going, knowing that one day I can hopefully help others. Things are really getting to me just now when they wouldnt otherwise. I can normally detach myself from patients (work as a psychiatric nursing assistant at home), but today I was so saddened when I looked after some elderly patients and was angered when I was told they had to pay for their help, the government gave them no assistance, the same went for someone with learning disabilities. I thought, why should they, they are vulnerable people. When I finished, since it was my birthday, I treated myself to a McDonalds. I heard two people behind me, who looked horrid (and were so rude to the staff members) go on about getting their pay from the "dole office" and snigger about it. I felt sickened and thought, why are the likes of me paying for you to sit on your arse all day and do nothing when there are the likes of vulnerable people who I looked after that need the money more. Of course, it has been mentioned many a time by my tutors, which I very much agree with, as nurses, there are always going to be things/people you dont like, you just have to get on and do it. Doesnt mean I feel it's right though! I dont know what I am going to do tonight but I otherwise feel depressed most days. I got a letter from the Community Psychiatric Nurse for an appointment on Thursday. I rang and said I couldnt make it then, but, what isnt like me normally either, had a go at them for putting my old name down (had it changed by deed poll) and wrong address. I want help, but I am scared I am not going to get it. Please dont go on about food allergies and gluten sensitivity as some people have done previously, or God; I respect peoples belief's, but do not wish people to preach about God to me, as I dont believe in God. I just want some advice as to what I can do. Many thanks in advance.

Asked By: MissMe - 11/16/2009
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Answered By: Daisy - 11/16/2009
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Answered By: SH2007 - 11/16/2009
 
iv heard such bad stuff about floxatine it made me suicidal with in 4 days of taking it and when they finally took me of that to put me on another one i went through horrific side effects, if you feel they haven't helped ask the Dr's to change it xx i all so have serve depression and in stable BPD
Answered By: sweetie - 11/16/2009
 
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