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What do you think of my story so far?

The only thing that was in my mind right now is to fit in. Yeah, that's on everyone's mind but it's in my mind the most because I'm a shape shifter. In live in the world of pixies, vampires, werewolves, and werecats, but 85% humans. The Council is like the governors of America, but they are for the world, and all 2% humans. There are nine council members, each so ancient and powerful. Every nine million years, they change and get new council members. There are three vampires, three shape shifters, three werecats, and four werewolves. If one council member dies in battle, they would combine their powers, and that would revitalize the dead council member, and bring them back to life. In three years, there is going to be a new pick of The Council. Everyone is training their hardest to get to be chosen as one of The Council, but I doubt they would be picked. Only nine out of a billion our kinds would be picked, so fat chance that you will be picked, and a good chance that one of the presidents would be chosen from the 9 states, an officer, a math geek, lawyer, doctor, and any other person that has done something that alleviated the pain of the Old War or Modern War or someone very important. I live with three best friends Lola, Jana, and Ashley. Our guardians are Teresa Sparks and Loyd Sparks, but they only come over once every two weeks, so typically, twice a month. Today is my first day of school as a senior in high school, and I'm so nervous. I just got a black Eclipse Mitsubishi from my mom. My mom and I keep one secret to ourselves, my power, or should I say, powers. I can control nature, everything about it is under my control … it's not good to share it with the public because they might get the wrong idea of my powers. “Zaphara! HURRY! WE'RE GOING TO ME LATE!” Lola yelled. “Coming, gosh!” I said, and grabbed my tan messenger bag. I smiled when I remembered there were four seats in the car, not just two. We hopped in the car, and I drove off. OK, I'm NOT a crazy driver, I'm just a drive that gets to my destination ASAP, although speeding then times faster than a drunk driver, and driving in a straight line, only occasionally going to the left lane to get in front of the car in front of me. “WHATCH IT!” Jana squealed. “We're not going to die,” I assured them, and jerked to a stop, a police officer was in front of us. “Oh, now you blew it, Zaphara!” Ashley taunted, but knew I would just flash my CIA badge at them. My mom (gosh, I sound young) made sure I had one to get where ever I needed. It's real, and I'm in their system, but I don't go on missions, I just pop up once in a while, so if anyone asks, they'll say I was there. “Excuse me ma'am, do you have a reason that you are speedin'?” the officer asked. “Asthma, my friend has asthma … and we're chasing that green car,” I said, and Sara immediately started huffing and puffing and turning red, then, I flashed him my badge. “Oh, I'm sorry, get along! And I hope your friend is alright!” “Thanks,” I said, and sped off, chasing the green car that was going towards the direction of my school. “When did you get that?” Jana asked. “A year ago,” I answered, and parked under a tree. “Good, that got us out of a speeding ticket,” Lola said. “I need to barf,” Ashley groaned. “Trash can right there,” I said, pointing to Ashley's head. “Hey!” Ashley said, and shoved me. That shove would've broke a person into pieces, but we were OK with it, we're indestructible. “NO RUNNING!” screamed an old lady “Oh, great. Another great principal.” I muttered.

Asked By: Lust - 12/28/2009
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Hey thank you for commenting on my story. Umm, you should try to make your story into paragraphs so it is not hard to keep track of where you are. Also, try to reword your story, don't talk like you are talking to another person in real life. For example... More
Answered By: Columbia - 12/28/2009
Additional Answers (8)
well, it makes no sense at all. quit writing. keep reading.
Answered By: jokemaestro - 12/28/2009
 
Depends on how old you are. This is VERY irrational and hard to follow. For someone in middle school, yes this is ok, but for someone trying to write a novel of their own this is unacceptable. Either way, keep working on clarity.
Answered By: nobody home - 12/28/2009
 
Wow, it's really good! It was really long, and I thought it would waste my time, but it didn't. It was worth reading!
Answered By: anime is so very awesome! - 12/28/2009
 
This is great! Keep writing!
Answered By: Team Switzerland - 12/28/2009
 
I read it and I thought it was very interesting except it is all really hard to read considering how it's grouped together. I really don't know if it was intended to be that way, but that was my only problem with it was it was grouped together. Other than that it was very good.
Answered By: GostWriter - 12/28/2009
 
wow that is so amazing :) i love the story :) it is such a good plot:) your an amazing writer :)
Answered By: Penelopeツ - 12/28/2009
 
Stupid.
Answered By: the whimsy violete - 12/28/2009
 
Wow... More
Answered By: Adinaa - 12/28/2009
 
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