I really think I am just DONE and want a divorce this time, husband is making me nuts?
I have been married for almost 3 years. When I met my husband he was a strong and motivated professional. He was kind and romantic, we were married and have a daughter. I have a son from my previous marraige, my ex is deceased so my husband has adopted my son. The first year was wonderful. A year ago the firm my husband worked for tanked out due to the economy. At first he was very driven looking for work, then after about 6 months he sort of gave up. Money is not the issue, I have a stable job and make a very handsome salary. We save money by him being home with the kids, and he is good with them. My issues are that he seems to have just given up on everything, he has let his appearance go; rarely shaving and exists in windpants and t shirts. While my son is in school, he plays video games while my daughter plays, he watches movies while she sleeps. The house is a disaster, laundry always piles up till I do it on weekends. OR, his lovely mother will stop over and do it during the week. My job calls for me to be gone about 13 hours a day, and at the end of the day I am just dead and coming home to find her puttering about cleaning and berating me for not being a good wife and mother really chaps my a@#. \ My in laws are mean to my son, they have no concept of boundaries and "pop over" whenever they see fit. Often they will bring toys and gifts for my daughter and ignore my son. I have not had a Saturday where my MIL has not "popped over" in 6 months. When she shows up she is rude, disrespectfull and will lay into me for working all the time. As far as I see it, I have no choice, We have a house, 2 kids and 2 cars. I NEED to give it all to my job. We need my income to continue the lifestyle to which the kids have come accustomed. If my husband say, GOT A JOB maybe I could afford to scale back. He has not even APPLIED to anything since April. When we met, he was AN EXECUTIVE, he was motivated, driven and worked very had both in the office and at home. NOW I feel that everything has fallen on me, and I take Hell for it. I have confronted my husband with my sentiments on his family coming over all the time, with my concerns about him not even looking for work. I have told him that if he would find a job, I could scale back a bit and not push myself so hard. He always says that the economy is so bad it is not worth even trying. I know for a fact a couple firms were recently recruiting, I gave him the tip BEFORE it was really out and he said it was not worth wasting his time as there would be 300+ other applicants going for one job. He is clearly depressed, and is taking me with him. I am always working or cleaning or entertaining his family. I have not gone to visit MY family in a year, no time. I run on about 3 hours of sleep per night and 4 cups of strong coffee per day. My days "off" are all about cleaning and cleaning and laundry and groceries.... Basically, I feel that my life has become bleak and he is the cause. He is not seeming to be working towards anthing, but rather leaving it all to me. He did not even take the time to go out and buy me a card, or ANYTHING for xmas. His reason for that....I could just buy something I wanted and say it was from him. Am I nuts in wanting OUT????
Asked By: Holly Golightly - 12/29/2009
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
counselling, marriage is thrg thik and thin and it is so easy to throw in the towel. but it sounds like if he gets his depression sorted, things could be ok again... More
Answered By: peopleperson - 12/29/2009
Additional Answers (15)
Answered By: Truth Sets You Free - 12/29/2009
This is called the "bad times". Marriage has good and bad times. It will be like that for anyone your with. Make a plan and set small goals to get out of the rut your in. Take small footsteps towards improving things and eventually it will pay off. Discuss ideas with your husband. Could also go to consouling - I... More
Answered By: longshanks - 12/29/2009
No, I wouldn't blame you. He needs to get a job now. His wife(you) is working 13 hours a day and he does nothing at home? Seriously? Give one of the cars(preferably the one he drives/likes/owns) to someone you know and trust(but tell him you sold it), such as a sibling of YOURS, and tell him its because you guys need... More
Answered By: Joe - 12/29/2009
~ No you are not nuts for wanting out. i would tell him you are leaving if he doesn't seek counseling for his depression and get a job. he isn't working and he isn't helping around the house so he isn't doing anything to contribute to the marriage. You might have to move on. ~
Answered By: Jessie D - 12/29/2009
Have you seen the movie "Mr. Mom?" and have you seen the show Everybody loves Raymond? Your life is the two of them put together... More
Answered By: B. - 12/29/2009
I heard someone say marriage counseling but i doubt that is going to work. i would say Communication is a key to bitterness if that's not there then its not really worth putting it all in but as for you that has 2 kids it will be alot harder too get out no its not wrong in you wanting to get out. Think about what is... More
Answered By: Raquel - 12/29/2009
I don't think you're nuts for wanting out! You'd be a bit off if you posted all this and announced it was going well for you. The bigger question is whether you've tried everything you could to change the situation. Doing the same thing 100 times is somewhat analogous to a hamster on its wheel - it takes energy, it... More
Answered By: Messykatt - 12/29/2009
To answer your last question, NO, you are NOT nuts for wanting out. Good God, I would want out too... More
Answered By: Lexy - 12/29/2009
Wow, I really fell bad for you. I don't know who I would strangle first, MIL or hubby... More
Answered By: ssdk - 12/29/2009
SO, why can a man work 13 or more hours a day while the woman is at home with the kids and that is ok, but when the roles are reversed you are horrible for it? I would tell my mother in law that if that is how she sees it than she can tell her son to get a dang job so you could be home more. You need to sit down and... More
Answered By: Lindsey - 12/29/2009
What he is going through is happening to a lot of people. Is the discouragement of not been able to find another job. He is going through a depression stage. I know is hard on you, but as another responder stated, this is the "and for worse" part now. If you decide to turn the focus away from you, which I know is hard... More
Answered By: Master Bates - 12/29/2009
I AM IN THE PLAYPEN WITH MILDRED..CRAWL IN WITH US!
Answered By: David - 12/29/2009
Thick and thin. I helped my wife through her bad times, adopted daughter's hard times, etc. Then, I had hard times. Years of my wife's depression and daughter's problems made me an introvert. I started drinking too much to hide my problems and feelings. My wife left and would not even do counseling. I then realized... More
Answered By: World Painted Blood - 12/29/2009
Make it clear to him that he either finds work, or continuously cleans himself, the kids, and the house - just as you would do if your roles were reversed... More
Answered By: sightseer - 12/29/2009
girl, your not nuts, yet anyway. your just overwhelmed & exhausted. you went into this marriage as a partner, you've ended up the "sole proprietor", so to speak. you need to tell your hubby that if he doesnt get a paying job within 6 weeks that some things are going to HAVE to change. Tell him you will sell the... More
Answered By: bayou_babe1111 - 12/29/2009
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