Can you guys give me a opinion on a creative writing assingment i have to do for school?

Feedback and suggestions are GREATLY appreciated. its is only the beggining so im not finished yet. im only 14 and im not a writer so go easy on me :) “d**n IT” He slammed his fists against the steering wheel, that resulted in a momentary sense of pain, but was over ridden by the satisfaction of his anger being taken out. He cursed his useless 67 Chevrolet that wouldn’t even qualify as worthy for a cash for clunker sale. He knew eventually it would happen but why when he was on the run? The authorities knew it was him. He saw himself on the T.V just a day earlier. “Wanted. Cesar Sanchez for double homicide on July 28. Suspect was last seen in Salty’s Tavern, LA California. Suspect is approximately 5 foot and 9 inches in height, Black hair and a Scar on the right side of his face. Possibly armed and dangerous approach with caution.” He cursed again at the thought of being captured on the first day. Impossible though. He was out in the middle of no where. No way in hell they could track out him here. The car had died seconds ago but the heat focused into the old car by the window was already killing him. He opened the glove compartment. Some gum wrappers, used up pens, a pocket knife, a assortment of wrinkled papers and a car manual. Nothing useful. He hesitantly stepped out the car, squinting at first to get a look at his surroundings. The heat was even worse outside. The landscape was hazy with heat waves rising from the dead and dry ground. Middle of nowhere. Life seemed inexistent. He looked up and to his guess there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Buzzards circled the sky above him waiting for the next thing alive to drop down dead, so they could devour it. Nothing else in sight except what looked like a abandoned mechanic shop and he squinted his eyes even more.. “Moe’s Café” He wiped off a sweat drop crawling down his scar. He rubbed the same hand across his head as he looked at the café. He turned to his sight to the café with a thought that maybe there was mechanic inside. He started his walk. The Absence of life or anything at all civilized lingered on his mind. He shook the thoughts away. What he really needed was to get out of here before he could get caught. He was easily looking at 30 years of time plus the added time he would receive for the car he stole. He approached the mechanic . He stopped and saw that one of the windows were broken, and the garage was open. So there had to be someone there. He walked towards the garaged but stopped before entering to peer inside the darkness. He hesitated and finally walked in. he fumbled his hands across the wall looking for a light switch when his fingers met a switch. He flipped it and I dim yellow light illuminated the garage. “Hello?” No answer. He was about to leave when something he looked to his right and something on a table caught his eyes. He looked around again before walking over to the desk littered with broken glass and cigarette butts. It was a hunting knife, with a dried up paint like substance. “Blood?” he thought to himself. As he put the knife down something else caught his eyes under a pile of papers. He moved them away to reveal what looked like a whitish colored stick. He examined the stick more closely to see that it was “A bone”? “Can I help you?”

Asked By: RevolutionaryTies - 1/13/2010
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
For someone who claims to be a poor writer, this is rather good. I've got a few grammar corrections/suggestions for sentences I think sound funny... More
Answered By: EB - 1/13/2010
Additional Answers (2)
i am in LOVE with that story...plz make more
Answered By: person u know - 1/13/2010
wow ! that was really good :) I am 14 too, and I am writing astory.;_ylt=Ahd5lMtwIstNAi10vCVMvUif5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20100113174801AAaBRb2 That is my question if you'll take a look. BUT YEAH I LOVED IT .
Answered By: Music.Love - 1/13/2010
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