Got anxiety about future and need help!(kind of long and a tad too anxious)?

2010, so far not too good a year for me, I developed insomnia in January and diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder(Anxiety disorder by docs at a metal rehab place, suggested to be bipolar by others and some other disorder that I don't remember by my therapist) so maybe I'm just overreacting but either way my time is up. It was the last day of school today and I'm supposed to graduate next year and well... I'm f****d! I have, well had an idea of what I wanted to do. Go to film school and live out some stupid childish dream of winning some d**n Oscar for best director(head is too high in the clouds, right?). I'm seriously bored and depressed with my life, nothing seems meaningful, even my dreams. I'm scared of the future, everyone around this crappy little Arizona town does nothing with their lives, some try and some say but don't, all fail! My uncle is 30, he lives off his sister, all my cousins as well, my shit father who abandoned me lives with his mom, I'm pretty sure he's 40 by now. I don't want this to happen to me but I don't have a f*****g clue what to do! I'm so anxious about time, it goes by way too fast! Before I know I'll be old and it scares the living shit out of me! I have A.D.D. and I haven't had good grades in my life. I'm supposed to take some alternate school for people in my position, I can't even pay attention in classes I like. The A.D.D. and the mental disorder just f**k with my mind, I can't comprehend things in my head right, it just gets all mashed up and scrambled. The only thing that I want seems to be some f*****g strange fantasy I got from the movie "Fight Club". Why? I grew up without a father and have dealt with masculinity problems since childhood, all the guys and girls can do manual labor and I can't. I hate this so much, I always hear, "Be a man!" "Don't be a pussy" etc... etc... I'm terrible and unconfident with girls and I'm not very well endowed. I took strength and conditioning this past year, didn't work, my two cousins are muscled up douchebags and I'm a skinny loser who lives in his head! I have literally no talents, tried writing(give up all the time) and I suck. The only thing I'm good at is being a miserable b*****d! The military might toughin me up and discipline me or as I like to put it: " justifiable suicide". Why haven't I killed myself? Because of my d**n conscience, I can't hurt my mom and family but I can't keep living like this. I just need some advice besides mum saying everything will be alright. I can't sleep, am very unhappy, anxious about everything and wishing I'd get assassinated or hit by a car, anything but living with whatever I'm feeling!

Asked By: LiL DEBBIE! - 5/26/2010
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Well, something to know is that all of your problems can disappear. It may not be easy, but people in your situation or worse have finally come out of what they were in... More
Answered By: Jordan - 6/3/2010
Additional Answers (2)
Wow! I just have to say that it takes balls just to put yourself out there like that. I myself has had social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, agorophobia and alcoholism for years, and my main problem was not sharing what was going on with me and the things i was experiencing with anyone because... More
Answered By: Chris - 6/3/2010
i'd go -- assasinated by car that might b neat
Answered By: EDDIE b - 6/3/2010
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