English native, please modify my paragraph?
Dear Madam/Sir, Granted a baccalaureate of science and technique in 2003, I was enrolled by one of the top fifteen Chinese universities - xx University. After four years’ hard working, I obtained my bachelor’s degree of Mechanical Engineering with an excellent result. In autumn 2007, I joined xx Airline Company and began my career life as an aircraft maintenance engineer. My main work is maintaining and servicing aircrafts including the hydraulic system, the mechanical structure, etc. During the three years work, I took advantages of trainings and learning materials offered by the company to know the working principle, the structure, and the engine, etc of aircraft. However, I found the skills that I learned in the university only meet partially the needs of my work, and the training offered by the company is insufficient. Therefore, I make a decision of pursuing a master degree abroad to learn more advanced technologies and to engage in high level jobs in the future. I firstly became interested in France when I was a student of xx University. Since the foundation of the Arcelor-Mittal Metal lab in my university, I realized that France is well known as a giant in industrial field, especially in aeronautics and high speed trains (TGV). Also, there are dozens of worldwide famous enterprises in these areas, such as Airbus, SAFRAN Group, Alstom. Furthermore, N+I program offers us a wide range of famous schools of France, especially in the mechanical field (like ENSAM). This engineering program will not only make me able to resolve technical problems, but also tell me how to lead a group and how to communicate with others. This is also the reason why I choose France. Thirdly, I can also carry out some projects to strengthen my scientific knowledge and to gain some work experience through two interns, and these could be a good chance to put my knowledge and skills into practice. The return of intern experience could be really useful to my studies as well as my future career. Last but not the least, France is well known as a great country with a long history and splendid culture. Her arts, literature, luxury goods and architecture are well known all over the world. Living in this environment will sharp my mind and bring me a wide horizon throughout my life.
Asked By: Yantong - 10/19/2010
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
OK, I re-wrote this for you as if it were I applying for a foreign scholarship. Your text was actually very good for a non-native English speaker. I changed some incorrect grammar and generally tried to take the idea of each sentence and make it smoother. All your data points are retained, and the structure of what... More
Answered By: Buford T. Justice - 10/20/2010
Additional Answers (1)
Dear Madam/Sir... More
Answered By: Maddie - 10/19/2010
Over 483 Local Jobs Now Hiring In Your Area. $18-$87/Hr - Apply Today!
Make $17-$27/hr Working at Home. Requirements: Must Have Computer
Up to $47/hr Part-Time Job Openings. Free Schedule, No Scam. Start Now
Drive Your Car - Make up to $600 Per Weekend. Work When You Want.
Other Career Questions
What is your current job? Why did you choose this job? What do you enjoy about your job? What do you dislike about your job? What would be your perfect job? Would you rather have this j...
Where are the jobs? Is productivity and globalization creating a permanent “recession” of jobs? My main issue is I am doing a paper for school and have no idea where to begin. I was hoping suggestions...
Hi ok im 19 and about to start college to do an acess course into a university. Ive been browsing through all the courses and im tottaly stuck! I thought politics but im scared ill end up with some r...
Content is not owned or controlled by Monster. Any content concerns should be addressed with Yahoo!
Yahoo! Does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any Yahoo! Answers content. Yahoo! Disclaimer.
Best-Paying Work-from-Home Jobs
It’s easier than ever to work from home. Of course, not every job is a mobile job, and some companies aren’t interested in having their employees work from home.
2013 Marketing Jobs Outlook
The US may be facing another year of anemic hiring overall, but that won't be the case in the high-orbit world of multichannel, digital media marketing.
2013 Engineering Jobs Outlook
Engineers will find job opportunities in select disciplines in 2013, with candidates who are all-around, client-oriented businesspeople in demand.
Best-Paying Jobs by Major
What could you earn with a particular four-year degree? Find out by checking out this list of the top-paying jobs for 20 of the most common majors.
Eight High-Paying, Secure Jobs
Want to earn a good salary and enjoy a measure of job security as well? Check out these well-paying jobs on tap for fast growth in the coming years.