Search SEARCH

English native, please modify my paragraph?

Dear Madam/Sir, Granted a baccalaureate of science and technique in 2003, I was enrolled by one of the top fifteen Chinese universities - xx University. After four years’ hard working, I obtained my bachelor’s degree of Mechanical Engineering with an excellent result. In autumn 2007, I joined xx Airline Company and began my career life as an aircraft maintenance engineer. My main work is maintaining and servicing aircrafts including the hydraulic system, the mechanical structure, etc. During the three years work, I took advantages of trainings and learning materials offered by the company to know the working principle, the structure, and the engine, etc of aircraft. However, I found the skills that I learned in the university only meet partially the needs of my work, and the training offered by the company is insufficient. Therefore, I make a decision of pursuing a master degree abroad to learn more advanced technologies and to engage in high level jobs in the future. I firstly became interested in France when I was a student of xx University. Since the foundation of the Arcelor-Mittal Metal lab in my university, I realized that France is well known as a giant in industrial field, especially in aeronautics and high speed trains (TGV). Also, there are dozens of worldwide famous enterprises in these areas, such as Airbus, SAFRAN Group, Alstom. Furthermore, N+I program offers us a wide range of famous schools of France, especially in the mechanical field (like ENSAM). This engineering program will not only make me able to resolve technical problems, but also tell me how to lead a group and how to communicate with others. This is also the reason why I choose France. Thirdly, I can also carry out some projects to strengthen my scientific knowledge and to gain some work experience through two interns, and these could be a good chance to put my knowledge and skills into practice. The return of intern experience could be really useful to my studies as well as my future career. Last but not the least, France is well known as a great country with a long history and splendid culture. Her arts, literature, luxury goods and architecture are well known all over the world. Living in this environment will sharp my mind and bring me a wide horizon throughout my life.

Asked By: Yantong - 10/19/2010
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
OK, I re-wrote this for you as if it were I applying for a foreign scholarship. Your text was actually very good for a non-native English speaker. I changed some incorrect grammar and generally tried to take the idea of each sentence and make it smoother. All your data points are retained, and the structure of what... More
Answered By: Buford T. Justice - 10/20/2010
Additional Answers (1)
Dear Madam/Sir... More
Answered By: Maddie - 10/19/2010
 
Sponsored results
Over 483 Local Jobs Now Hiring In Your Area. $18-$87/Hr - Apply Today!
Jobs.Quick-com
Make $17-$27/hr Working at Home. Requirements: Must Have Computer
moneysavingexpert.com
Up to $47/hr Part-Time Job Openings. Free Schedule, No Scam. Start Now
wahm.com/jobs
Drive Your Car - Make up to $600 Per Weekend. Work When You Want.
uber.com/Sign-Up-Now

Other Career Questions

What is your current job? Why did you choose this job? What do you enjoy about your job? What do you dislike about your job? What would be your perfect job? Would you rather have this j...
3 answers - Asked By: drop pants not bombs!.♥ - 3/2/2010
Where are the jobs? Is productivity and globalization creating a permanent “recession” of jobs? My main issue is I am doing a paper for school and have no idea where to begin. I was hoping suggestions...
4 answers - Asked By: bayebd24【ツ】 - 11/21/2007
Hi ok im 19 and about to start college to do an acess course into a university. Ive been browsing through all the courses and im tottaly stuck! I thought politics but im scared ill end up with some r...
1 answers - Asked By: roseparkerly - 1/26/2009

Content is not owned or controlled by Monster. Any content concerns should be addressed with Yahoo!
Yahoo! Does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any Yahoo! Answers content. Yahoo! Disclaimer.

Popular Articles

Best-Paying Work-from-Home Jobs Article Rating
It’s easier than ever to work from home. Of course, not every job is a mobile job, and some companies aren’t interested in having their employees work from home.
2013 Marketing Jobs Outlook Article Rating
The US may be facing another year of anemic hiring overall, but that won't be the case in the high-orbit world of multichannel, digital media marketing.
For Employers: Post Jobs | Search Resumes | Advertise
About Monster | Work for Monster | Advertise with Us | AdChoices | Partner with Us | Investor Relations | Social Media
Terms of Use | Privacy Center | Accessibility Center | Help | Security | Contact Us | Sitemap | Mobile
©2014 Monster - All Rights Reserved U.S. Patents No. 5,832,497; 7,599,930 B1; 7,827,125 and 7,836,060 MWW - Looking for Monster Cable? - V: 2014.1.40.24-312
eTrustLogo