My dad recently started paying me a really nice amount for the jobs I do, and my mom is so resentful?
My mom has a lot of physical and mental problems and basically stopped taking care of things at our house. We had a nanny who was helping out with my 7 month old sister and the other 2 older kids, but my mom didn't like her so she was let go. We had a house cleaning service come by to help out twice a week because this is a really big, very old house and it's hard to clean with 4 kids and 4 pets. But she didn't like them either and was paranoid about "strangers" being in the house so they were let go. She didn't think my other sister's afterschool program had good values, so she canceled it. She didn't pick up any of the slack after all that was canceled. She still wanted the house to be in perfect shape, but never did the work herself. My dad and I decided that I would go to online school through our county back in the US (we are from Chicago but moved to Australia in 08 for his work) so that I could help out more around the house. But taking care of the kids, the pets, the laundry, the house and everything else was seriously a full-time job. I no longer take gymnastics, I rarely ever get to see my friends anymore, and I basically live like an old hermit housewife and I'm 17. I talked to him about it all and he offered to pay me $500 a week (Australian money). That might seem like an awful lot, but considering that he had been paying WAY more than that for the cleaners, nanny, afterschool program it's a fair price. Plus he is no longer paying for my school tuition. We'd both been super happy about the arrangement. My mom is SO resentful. She said that I undermined her to my dad. But I didn't. He sees what's going on in our house. She now has made things worse for me. She used to make my brother and 10 year old sister clean up after themselves at breakfast, take their laundry downstairs, and clean up their own rooms and the bathroom they share. But now she's said that it's my job to clean up. She left me with the baby who is seriously like crying all the time because of colic and I can't get her to stop and went off to volunteer. I Skype for an hour a day with my main teacher back in the US, and the past 2 days it's been almost impossible because Elle keeps screaming. It's really not like I had WANTED all these jobs. Back in Chicago I was an all-star cheerleader, I was a leader in the student body council, and i was popular. It took me a long time to build up my social life again in Australia and I finally did it. Now all I do is stay inside. I had wanted to just get a part time job here but 1) I don't have the right to work in Australia and 2) they need me too much at the house. I don't know what to do about my mom. I try to be compassionate with her but then she does things that makes it really hard not to hate her. 5 years ago she was in a car accident with me that ruptured a disk in her back and pinched nerves, and while she was in the hospital they found out she had brain cancer. She's had a clean bill of health for a while but she got this post pregnancy depression thing after having my youngest sister last year. She used to be a CPA and make really good money and now she doesn't work. We tried to get her to see a psychiatrist and she won't go. She will be all loving sometimes and then snap and give us really harsh punishments for small things. She's SO hostile about the money. I don't know what to do. I just wanted the money to start saving up and I do think it's fair compensation for all that i do. How can I make her stop being so resentful? I can't get my dad to help because he just left to work on this project in Malaysia for the next 4 weeks. @ Morningstar thanks for your answer but my mom is not dangerous to us. She is not going to just snap and kill us all one day. I think she's been taking a lot of pain medicine for her back and it makes her worse. It would be totally ridiculous to call authorities on her when she's never been abusive or done anything to make us thing she can be. Besides spanking a few times she's never hit any of us. She's just high strung and demanding and sullen sometimes. She's immature. But I would never ever ever claim that she was dangerous. I've never been afraid of her. Im just EXASPERATED with her. All our family lives in Chicago and the surrounding area. We live in a suburb of Sydney, Australia. Nobody can help us. @ Olivia - You totally misunderstood what I meant. I meant that I'm super happy to be making $500 a week. I had been doing that job for months without a single cent of pay or even an allowance. So yeah, now making $2000 a month DOES make me happy. But obviously I still want to be able to have a social life and all. @skc What a pathetic, bullying, moronic answer. I'm making LESS than the nanny was, first of all. Secondly, I don't WANT to have to do any of this, but I also don't want my baby sister to not be taken care of. Before I was basically like Cinderella doing all the housework and never getting any pay or having any life. The pay is pretty minimal, and it's one small thank you from my dad for all that I do to keep our house running. I am very much a member of the family and not a "paid staff." It's really too bad your own parents didn't do a better job with you since you grew up to be someone who fails at basic reading comprehension, and is a heartless, idiotic, POS on the bottom of a shoe.
Asked By: :D - 2/1/2011
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Is there anyway you can email your dad? Maybe try to at least keep him in the loop so that he sees it is definitely recurring, not just a "I hate mom" mood... More
Answered By: Fallon A - 2/1/2011
Additional Answers (5)
Wow you sound like a really good kid. I think it's sooo unfair when older sibling have to take over the parents responsabilities,your 7 month old sister it's your moms responsability she should be taking care of her and your sibling not you... More
Answered By: ♥Mama De Riley♥ - 2/1/2011
Please accept my condolences about what you are going through. This is a huge burden for a 17 year old girl to assume. Your father is not taking the role of head of house when he gives in to the demands of a mentally ill woman. She is sick and needs tending. Part of that is that your father needs to make it clear who... More
Answered By: Morningstar - 2/1/2011
Call DOCS. They're usually useless but sometimes they really come through. And yes, this is a matter for DOCS - your mother is neglecting you and your siblings, is affecting your education, and is not providing a safe home environment for you and your siblings to live in.
Answered By: K L - 2/1/2011
"....we'd both been super happy about the arrangement... More
Answered By: Olivia is one year old!! - 2/1/2011
You gave your father an ultimatum - and now you are paying the price. You are no longer a member of the family who has a social life but a staff member who is working for your $$$. Given you are not paying tax - that $500 would pay for over 50 hours of work for an under 18 year old - so that is what your mother is... More
Answered By: skc - 2/2/2011
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