What do you think of the beginning of my story?

Please read and give me some feedback. I add more to it at school and I've gotten to a point where I need to know what people think! So please read it and tell me what you think! Thanks a bunch! ;)) My name is Melanie Breanne Amour, and this is my story. I was adopted at the age of seven by James and Lola Kopper. Being firm catholic believers they made me go to church with them every Sunday morning and pray every night before I went to bed. They gave me a catholic bracelet the first year they adopted me and every Christmas since then they give me a new charm with symbolic value and a long boring story about it that went until it was bedtime. I received many presents the following morning, As much toys and clothes a little kid could ever want. When I was in elementary, on the first day of school, they would take me to Ihop for a crazy fun family breakfast and I would order the most goodie-filled, syrupy, prettiest picture on the menu. It was always the most expensive as well, but my spoiling parents would get it and we would all share it. When breakfast was over they would take me to school and give me a kiss on the cheek and walk me into the office. Me being outgoing and talkative i couldn't wait to get into my classroom filled with friendly girls and cute boys. I always had an eye for cute boys, some would call me boy crazy, and others would call me just plain crazy. They usually were really shy around me but i wasn't at all. I remember the first day of 8th grade at my new school, Gracevine Academy. My straight dirty-blonde hair had grown long and light over the summer and i had a gorgeous golden brown tan. I walked into the school wearing my adorable preppy school uniform, a beige pleated skirt paired with a black polo shirt. I had a charcoal corduroy sweater on too. On my arm I carried a large black leather duffel purse, I got for last Christmas. I was a little bit nervous, it being a new school and all. My mom walked me in, my dad wasn't there because he just started a new job as the new programmer for Microsoft. In the office and I simply sat on the chair acting graceful, usually I would be running around searching for the library, so I could meet the librarian and be best friends with her. I'm the kind of person who likes people to like her, I mean I don't care what the losers who hang out behind the school smoking think of me nor do I care if the smart, acne infested creeps do, but the cool kids and the teachers HAVE to like me, I can't stand it if they don't. It's kind of my weakness. I sat there while my mom signed in. She waved to me then walked down the hall with a woman wearing all black except a dark-gray pencil skirt and purple and green striped chain glasses. I was feeing a little bit queasy, so i took a deep breath. I sat there for a few minutes and decided to look through my purse to pass the time: Britney Spears "Curious" perfume, Aloe germ-x spray, a purple gel pen, roll-on bubblegum lip-gloss, a unused purple eraser, my catholic bracelet, my favorite stylish bracelet with my birthday stone on it, a purple brush with real diamonds on the back, a black designer wallet with a silver chain across it, a purple notepad with glitter sprinkled all over the cover, a tiny purple eraser, eyelash curler, purple nail file, purple and pink nail clippers, unopened pack of blue "Stride" gum, and a small pack of unopened pony tail holders. I pulled the the perfume and dabbed a little on my neck and wrists, i put it back and pulled out birthday stone bracelet and lip gloss, i slipped the bracelet on my thin wrist and rolled on a generous layer of gloss onto my lips and put it back. I opened up my gum and popped a piece into my mouth, then i replaced the gum pack with my notepad and pen. I started to write in it like a diary. K! I still got more! thanks a bunch!!!!!!!

Asked By: Miss♥Tulip - 2/8/2011
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Very few people will care enough for a character after such an introduction to want to hear their life story, especially in one huge dump like this. You have to ease that information into the action of the story, not just blast it down.
Answered By: lilyWhite ♥flower fairy♥ - 2/8/2011
Additional Answers (1)
Awesome, but my life is more interesting ;p.
Answered By: TheRedParrot - 2/8/2011
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