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Is this an abusive marriage? Sincere Christian lady.?

I have been married to a man for the past 17 years who has always conveniently worked away from home and has paid mere lip-service to my sons from a previous marriage. Both my sons have had illness related problems such as the eldest one has been insulin diabetic since the age of 2 and the youngest one developed acute anxiety problems. During their struggles as teenagers - my husband has wanted rid of them and merely seen them as being a hindrance to our relationship, even though they are good lads and never been in any trouble, or drink and take drugs. I have worked on and off - but during these periods my husband had left the family home as he was not happy and needed space, one time was for approx 1 year. He seems to hate contributing financially, especially if he is not getting sex regularly and has on occassions witheld the housekeeping as a protest. He controls all his finances and gives me £30 per week spending money. I have not been sleeping with him due to feelings of resentment towards him especially when he appears to be cold and cruel, i.e. although my teenager has been very ill due to anxiety problems - my husband has barely spoke to him for 3 years (even within the same house). Tonight my husband said to me ' All as you are is a housekeeper, and I could easily replace you. You do nothing for me'. I am age 50 now and feel trapped in this situation. Both my son and I feel very vulnerable emotionally and have no money to rent some where. My husband has constantly undermined my role as a wife and a mother and is only interested in my marital duty to give him sex regularly as a wife. He has a high paid job - over £50,000 a year - hence he can easily move on to greener grass. There is not enough equity in the marital home for both parties to be re-housed. He feels that I am using him by not giving him sex when he wants it, and when I do give in - I just feel degraded as he has frequently related sex to how much it costs him to support me and my son. He does not think that I have any grounds to divorce him but that he has as I am not abiding to the bible scripture that says ' I must satisfy my husband at all times'. He feels that I am not submissive enough. I suffered from sexual abuse as a child and his approach just being abused all over again. I have seriously being considering suicide but I know this is the wrong option as a Christian. Especially as I now realise how much I have let my boys suffer through my weakness. Please don't tell me what an idiot I am. Thank you. Ann

Asked By: Ann-Marie - 3/27/2011
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
So, in a nut shell(a figure of speech), he's always treated your sons as if they were "excess baggage", an inconvenience... More
Answered By: R.M.G! - 3/27/2011
Additional Answers (8)
If you were really so terrible and easily replaceable, your husband would have done it already. He just doesn't want to have to go to the trouble of subjugating a new woman, or take the risk that you will find an effective way to fight back. And it's well past time for you to start fighting back, or at least fighting... More
Answered By: MM - 3/27/2011
 
He is what he is - you can never change people, you can only change yourself. if you want a loving relationship with your man, try being that loving spouse yourself first and yes that starts with being affectionate with him in and out of bedroom. and tell him how grateful you are to him that he is such a great... More
Answered By: womann - 3/27/2011
 
What you need, my dear, is a good divorce lawyer... More
Answered By: Orla C - 3/27/2011
 
I am not going to bash you for not putting a stop to this a long time ago. What's important is the here and now. Divorce his a.s.s. and take him to the cleaners. Let him know you could care less what he has to say, thinks, or wants. If he brings up the Bible again, tell him your Bible says he's pure evil and you need... More
Answered By: free_angel - 3/27/2011
 
Ultimately, it will be your decision if you stay with this man. However, please do not stay because you feel you are trapped. By your use of language, I assume you are in the UK so I do not know any of the laws regarding divorce. He says you have no grounds for divorcing him. Do you need any? Here in Canada there... More
Answered By: warm_hands_warm_heart - 3/27/2011
 
In answer to your question, yes, it is abuse. It is both mental and emotional abuse. When he married you, he knew that you had children, so he should have accepted them as well. What he told you about being a housekeeper and that he can easily replace you, well, that is totally disrespectful. As far as submitting to... More
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Answered By: randmthots - 3/27/2011
 
No...it is just a lousy marriage between two people who should never have been married. The Bible has nothing to do with it and I suspect your kids have very little to do with it except to serve as your excuse and his excuse. You can't seriously not know what should be done???
Answered By: Bad Moon Rising - 3/27/2011
 
I'm so sorry you are having so much trouble in your marriage. I am not for divorce, however, I don't think I could stay in a relationship like this. And if he has been having affairs I would definately not stay in this relationship... More
Answered By: Shay - 3/27/2011
 
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