I need constructive criticism on my monologure for high school?

So, for my grade 11 drama class, our year end assignment will be to make a monologue for class and recite it. I have it all written down but, I really need a little boost with it in order to make it the best it can be. Many kids in my drama class decided to do monologues on high do what they know best. But, I kind of wanted to step out of the box a bit, and do a monologue sort of based off the idea of Shakespeare's play, "As You Like it", or a more contemporary example would be "She's the Man" with Amanda Bynes. Anyways, keep in mind this is only for high school, and if you're going to be rude and say it's crap, I'll ignore you. Also, I need music suggestions for the beginning and end. I want to set the time period back about, but not passed the 1700's. Right now I have a violinist outfit from that time period for the monologue, but anyways.... "Looking into a mirror, fixing her hair and clothes Who is the girl who stands in front of me? Who are you? I can’t call you a girl anymore; this facade of a boy has concealed the identity as the girl I once knew. I can’t…I cannot even think as a girl anymore. I’ve become so used to this. I have to admit though, I make a convincing boy. Makeup to make the bristle of a man’s four o’clock shadow, with a wig, woven together by someone else’s hair. However, no matter how much I’ve changed to look like a man, what remains in my heart is the ability to fall in love as a girl. Well, love is a strong word. Certainly not a hyperbole though. But… Walks to and takes the flower from a vase and smells it. Oh how much easier it would be to be a flower. It’s neither a male nor female. There’s nothing holding it back, it is allowed to do as it pleases, without such a gender barrier. Oh flower, do you know what it’s like, to have to fool everyone with a boyish appearance, when you’re really a girl? A girl who…A girl who really likes a boy, but it could never be when I am a boy myself on my outside appearance? Why did I have to do this? Why? I have such talent, I can play guitar so well, and some thought I was a prodigy. But in my musical group, they’re too old fashion to actually let a girl in. The minute they took a look at me as a girl, they were so closed minded, that they wouldn’t listen to the skill I’ve worked so hard for. However, I had a dream too. My dream is to be noticed. Whether it be as a boy or a girl. I just wanted to be noticed for my talents and effort. But all those dreams, they can soon vanish. I never knew it would come to this. Just when all my dreams began coming true, I had to lay eyes on this man. Blonde hair…all his curls fall perfectly into place. And with those eyes as blue as the sea, I feel like I’m drowning when I look into them. And when he plays the drums, I feel like my heart is beating to a new beat….his beat. As soon as I saw him, I fell in love. Ah, it was so perfect! Well, except for the whole “being a girl secretly dressed up as a guy” part. Will you listen to me? I sound foolish. That identity as a girl, I shouldn’t think about it anymore. This should be my new life; I’ve gotten so use to being “One of the boys”. When really, I don’t want to be one of the boys, I want to be his girl! No, what I want is to stop with these thoughts. I need to remember why I joined this group, instead of blowing it all away. I mean, saying I do say I’m really a girl…What do I have to lose? My dreams, my ambitions, friends I’ve made and even maybe a chance to be in his life…because well…If I tell him I’m a girl, and I tell him how I feel, he might not feel the same way, right? Actually, what if he’s repulsed by me after, that I would go through such lengths, by deceiving him and everyone else? What if… This isn’t a decision I can make, I have to go perform. I need to get into character again, enough with these girlish feelings. But I don’t want to stop with these feelings. Sighs. I need to. My name isn’t Amelia anymore, it’s Anthony. I’m Anthony now, I need to remember that. When I step out on that stage to perform, let me remember what I came here for. I didn’t go through all this for a boy, I did all this to follow my dreams. May my nerves be set on pleasing the crowd instead of my nerves that get wild up when I think of him. Someone calls out Anthony’s name. My cue. Here’s to hoping I made the right decision. "

Asked By: - 5/31/2011
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I like it. I think you did a great job. It seems a little long for a drama class, but then again monologues can be any length. I can't help with the music part though, sorry.
Answered By: Hannah - 6/3/2011
Additional Answers (0)
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