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Is This Poem a Good Poem?

Please help me out this is a make or break grade. This is my ekphrasis poem based on Nancy and the Rubber Plant where the woman is looking into your eyes and very bored and uninterested. This is due TOMORROW. All comments (bad or good) and suggestions are greatly appreciated. Another day, another sorrowful patient How am I supposed to help you? I’m not the one who made bad decisions I’m not the one who stole from the Apple Store, Or became addicted to alcohol, Or cheated on my wife I get to see my patients succeed and overcome their problems, All the while I have no feeling for them I am the one who has made good decisions in my life, so why am I suffering? Do I deserve this? When my husband was blind-sided by a drunk driver, It was my husband who was killed, the driver was the one who came away unhurt Why was it the driver who came away alive and not my husband? Did he deserve this? When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, Did I deserve this? Or even Did she deserve it? Now when I come home at night, I have no one to care for me, no one to love me What did I do to deserve this? I make a lot of money but yet I am not happy People think that when you make a lot of money, you should be happy, But you don’t know me You don’t know anyone until you know what they have been through So the next time you come into my office, don’t be surprised if I am weeping, scowling, or even throwing things around Nobody deserves anything

Asked By: - 6/12/2011
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
You've organized this basically well. Your poem has strong momentum. I like it... More
Answered By: Gene 575 - 6/12/2011
Additional Answers (3)
This Is A Very Touching Poem<3 Very Heartfelt<3 But You Should Change The Last Part "Nobody Deserve Anything" It Doesn't Really Feel Right? So You Should Just Change That Part(: But I Love The Poem U Wrote<3
Answered By: perla salgado - 6/12/2011
 
Watch for the difference between 'this' and 'that'. It's subtle but definite. You're repeating the same idea over and over and it doesn't seem to fit. Mix it up a bit.
Answered By: Matt West - 6/12/2011
 
It is a poem with great impact, but you sound bitter and angry. I'd title it based on the emotions you are revealing because everyone can relate and the universality of your poem pulls the reader easily into it... More
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Answered By: tori ♫♪♫♪♫ - 6/12/2011
 
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