What to you think of my Story.? & a Sneek peak of Chapter 1.!?

Title:The Last Truth Cover If yu go to this website: Plot: (Back of Book text) Acelyn Jiands, has just finished College, and she's just Settled into Dayton, Ohio with her former boyfriend (Colton Howye) But she feels as she being rejected, because he's always at work, and he only visits for the holiday, he never calls or text, it seems like they barely know each other. But when Acelyn starts her work, she meets a new guy (Lance) who has the same common intrests as her. She soon realizes that he's the guy she needs, someone who will be there. After shes been told that Colton has had an affair with Rylie, she feels betrayed , and feels like she should tell Colton the encouter she's had with Lance., and how he makes her feel ...But will she tell Colton the truth? The Last Truth... ________________________________________________________-- (Sneek Peak) Introduction: I’ve always been perturbed about myself, so once Colton told me he loved me, I didn’t really know how to react. We’d been dating for almost two years now, and I hadn’t really bothered to draw out my feelings for him, considering he’s always away working. ___________________________________________________________________________ Chapter One: ~6:45 a.m. ~ Standing there on that November Fall Morning. He’d just drove 62 miles from Columbus Ohio, to Here Dayton Ohio. It was parsley early. I’d got a knock on the door. Not knowing who it was I slowly got up and peeked out the window, I saw his truck and I sign of happiness and relieve went over me, “Thank god” I thought, opening up the door. There he was; big brown curls, a little mole under the right eye, gorgeous blue eyes, and a big smile revealing his one dimple. “Colton, what are you doing here”? i asked looking surprised. “I came home for thanksgiving, surprises me that you aren’t happy to see Me.? “No Hun, I am happy, it’s just a big surprise you didn’t even call, so I could make dinner. “Don’t bother, I’m taking you out” "No, No you don’t have to it’s no big deal for me to cook, don’t you want a nice homemade meal?" "I couldn’t stress you out like that so we’ll just go out." I titled me head around the corner of Colton’s shoulder. “Who is that?” I asked looking confused. "This is Rylie, my assistant. She said she didn’t have plans so I invited her over." I pulled Colton aside, still trying to keep the smile on my face just for a good impression. “So when were you going to call me, or tell me, that you were bringing along a friend." “I didn’t think you’d mind". He says fiercely “We’ll I do and It’s a shame that you can’t even bother to see if I was okay with you bringing someone, before you just up and brought her”. He grabs my hands, and squeezes them. "Listen Babe. I love you and I didn’t want you to be stressed, and worried about me so I came home, and you’re getting mad because I brought a friend"? My eyes are blinking he’d never told me he loved me, ever, and even though he questioned me I felt comfortable having Rylie here because, even though they saw each other every day I felt ‘special’, like I had nothing to worry about. “I’m sorry Colton, sometimes I just feel insecure, about things like this." “I understand, but next time, or whenever I’ll make sure to call you, or text you, but just know before I bring anyone ever again, I’ll ask you first". He says planting a kiss on my lips. After we’d break away, he introduced me to Rylie. She was nothing like I thought, or at least right now I was thinking that, but as I directed her to the living room, Colton said he’d take us out to Breakfast. Which I was okay with since he came so earlier, and brought his friend or “assistant”, he owed me big time. Thanks Soo Much.!! :)

Asked By: Nia M - 7/11/2011
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Well the dialogue is a good place to start, so good job on that. The writing itself does need some work. For instance, your first sentence is a fragment. How does she know how far he'd driven? Since you say '6:45 a.m.' already, you don't need to say it's early (I'm not sure what parsley means...) Then you could say... More
Answered By: NekoBus - 7/11/2011
Additional Answers (2)
interesting but the names are weird
Answered By: Bryan - 7/11/2011
Very good! I love the bigger words in this! And how descriptive it is! LOVE IT!
Answered By: americana - 7/11/2011
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