Review my college essay please?
Summer vacation days and occasional days within the school year, I am employed in Chino’s Landscaping and Lawn Maintenance. I am seventeen years old and have been employed for nearly that long. My father opened up the small business company around the time I was born. Coincidentally, the company and I grew up together. It flourished with the help of my dad (the boss) and his employees, including me. From as young as six, I sat on my dad’s lap while he mowed lawns from house to house. Accompanied by my dad, I would gladly steer the Toro monster of lawn mowers and tentatively make lines. Before long, I could easily make parallel and crisscrossing lines. I do not have committed to memory the first time I cut grass by myself because I didn’t understand at the time what I was doing or why. Later, I understood. Despite starting naively, it was difficult to continue working without feeling ashamed, humiliated, or insecure.
From sunup to sundown, habitually in the summer, I worked laboriously shoveling around dirt or more often, mowing lawn after lawn. I hated the summer. While children my age were playing in the pool or inside their pleasantly cold houses, I exerted myself against the blazing sun and humidity. Whether planting a tree, pruning shrubs, mulching, or mowing, all jobs called for a sunny, clear day. At times, the others and I would get caught in a heavy downpour and get drenched in water. If we cut grass that day, we would have to: place weed-whackers into the truck’s bed, do last minute leaf blowing and put it away, and drive the Toro mowers up the trailer ramp. It meant an immediate end to the strenuous work day. Although I had to bear the smell of others’ sweat and grime combined with my own, I lived for the end.
Growing up as a landscaper’s daughter was not worth bragging about. Especially if the landscaper was Mexican. The stereotype then was that all Mexicans worked in the landscaping business and that was the only thing they were good at. I felt very self-conscious that I proved this generalization true. Everyone regarded outdoor work as a lowly job. I was embarrassed to tell anyone that I worked in my dad’s landscaping business. I avoided the topic of my dad’s career with my peers and would make something up. Every time I went out to cut someone’s lawn or do some other outdoor job. To protect myself from the sun and people, I made sure to cover up my body so I wouldn’t get anymore tanner and hide my naturally bronze face under a visor. I anticipated someone to recognize the working, Hispanic me and mock me at school. Thankfully, that never happened. Sure, most of the richest home owners knew my dad. Among his clients, he was well known to other landscaping companies. I thought my dad was cool for having a multitude of acquaintances all over town, and some of them knew me as “Chino’s daughter”. Over time, I matured and cared less of what people thought. They either knew I was part of a landscaping business, or they didn’t. If I was mature about it, then I supposed others would be too.
Of course, when I was younger, I was embarrassed of being in a mowing business. When looking back, I remember the most noteworthy moments of working with Chino’s Landscaping and Lawn Maintenance. As a kid waiting for my dad, I sometimes stayed in his air conditioned truck just coloring outlines of Barbie or reading Disney stories. Once summer ends, I cannot wait for the winter to begin. On nights of heavy snowfall, my dad and I stayed in the Diesel engine truck blasting the heat as he plowed driveways and I dozed soundly on the bench seat. When I wasn’t tired, I would look out from the truck and take in the blankets of smooth, shimmering snow. I really enjoyed the fact that, at midnight, we were the first ones to see accumulations of untouched snow covering every inch of the ground. My time with the company wasn’t all about hard labor. There were some perks to being in the business. Despite some rough conditions, I was there beside my dad.
Over the years, I learned a few things. I now fathom why I kept working for my dad and underwent the embarrassment of my outdoor employment. Once my dad let me ride a Toro tractor by myself, cutting grass was second nature to me. I continued that without a thought at first, but later realized my dad needed my help with his business. This is also true today. During the summer, I learned how to drive a 1997 Ford Diesel truck with a trailer attached to the hitch. In the beginning, I was petrified of the possibility of running something over with all the weight I had behind me on the road. But, day after day, I drove that truck and trailer with grace because I knew I had an obligation to the company as the oldest employee. To see it continue to prosper after all these years. Being Chino’s daughter was challenging every now and then. I take pride in what I have gained from and contributed to the business. It had been indeed a rewarding experience. And it still is.
thanks to FishRfine
i know the sentences are choppy, there is practically no flow, i think this is the bad copy. i did some editing, don't know how i didn't paste the revised essay.
i don't know how i "overcame" my experience here, this certainly did impact me to become a hard-look-at-life person with the constant verbal abuse from my dad as if i were a boy and would automatically understand man-world things like tools and car engines. He yells at me and i learned how to take it silently and sob afterwards. it's not easy being the only child, a daughter, to a single father.
should i just write about that? living with a single father (no maternal role model) instead of my landscaping days?
Asked By: kathy - 10/30/2011
The topic- growing up the daughter of a Mexican landscaper, and facing the constant threat of ridicule from ones peers due to the stereotypes associated with both race and profession- very... well, real. I like it.
You have some wonderful bits of detail in this essay! This part, in particular, I felt was extremely strong.
"On nights of heavy snowfall, my dad and I stayed in the Diesel engine truck blasting the heat as he plowed driveways and I dozed soundly on the bench seat. When I wasn’t tired, I would look out from the truck and take in the blankets of smooth, shimmering snow. I really enjoyed the fact that, at midnight, we were the first ones to see accumulations of untouched snow covering every inch of the ground. "
Sentence structure is all pretty generic.
The ending is cheesy
Despite understanding your topic, it seems you don't have anything showing how you changed, other than the fact that you grew up.
Still needs work.
Answered By: FishRfine - 10/30/2011