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Should I really choose this person as my bridesmaid?

I recently got engaged and am having a small dilemma. I think I already know my answer, and have consulted friends and family but would also like to get some non-biased opinions.

I had a very close friend in HS, we were like sisters. I actually met my current fiance because SHE is dating his brother. So techincally, she would be my sister in law if they were to ever get married. Over the last 2 1/2 years of being with my boyfriend, our friendship has really changed. We haven't been close and I've actually felt like she really dislikes me because of her changed behavior towards me. But, they broke up for a few months this year and in that period, we became much closer. After they got back together, that ended. Recently there was an incident, and I tried telling her that I felt like we weren't friends anymore and I really wish it weren't that way. I told her I was tired of always trying to contact her and get together with her, because she never made an effort towards me anymore. She seemed caring and said it would change, but it hasn't. I still feel uncomfortable around her, and she has no interest what so ever in my personal life or anything with me. She seems to act like everything I do/buy/talk about is stupid and annoying to her (ie, when I bought my car, she told me I shouldn't because the payments would be too high... even though I make plenty to pay for it. She's never "noticed" I've lost weight, even though I've went from 180 to 130. She has never congratulated any accomplishment I've had, even though all my other friends do.). I thought maybe I had just changed, but after consulting friends, realized that THEY all love me just the same...

I am not sure what I did to her... others tell me it is a combination of jealousy... since I have lost weight, got a much better paying job than I had before, new car and now am getting married and she is not. I do not name people as "jealous" of me, but this is what others have all told me. The problem is, my fiance's brother WILL be in the wedding. So that would be a big slap in the face to her. This will be like the final straw to end our friendship. I maybe should let our friendship go since I have tried so many times to revive it, and she acts like she is interested but then does NOTHING about it. I'm not sure if I should just be polite and have her in it, or consider it a very special part of my life where only people who love and care about me should be...

Asked By: Charlene - 1/5/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I could have written your post, deleting the wedding part. I had a friend just like yours. I began to excel, find love, lost 44 lbs, all while my life was gaining positive momentum. While I was there to support her with the death of her father and the unexpected death of her husband, helped her financially when she needed it, helped her move from one house to another, lent her my car when hers was in disrepair, blah, blah, blah....The final straw was when I found love, but I gave her another chance. Like you, everyone told me she was jealous. I was in denial about that because this was something I never even considered or thought about. But, in the end, that was the truth. It ate away at her.

Like you, I was the only one keeping what was left of our relationship alive. We were friends since 1982. So, there is a lot of history between us, and we never fought, in fact we had a GREAT time together. But, she was recoiling before my very eyes. The last and final straw was when my grandmother died (she knew I had been overseeing my grandmother's care since she met me until my grandma died in 2007) and, at the exact same time, I told her my father had a terminal illness and was expected to die in three months. She looked at me, without expression, as if I said "Please pass the salt." I never contacted her again. That was in 2007. She never bothered to contact me to see how my dad was doing or even to find out if he died. Which he had.

I learned that some relationships are for a reason or a season or a lifetime.

My advise to you is to stop calling her all together. Your relationship with her is dead as the friendship is over, I am sorry to say. Carry on with your life and either wait for her to come around or snub her (which I would not recommend the latter). I promise you, if this girl is in your wedding party, you will be kicking yourself in the butt and cursing the day you asked her to be part of your special day.

It is clear that this girl is not supportive of you, without a question or a doubt. You do not need the likes of her during this important time in your life. If the girl could not recognize that you lost FIFTY pounds (congrats, by the way), then she really is no friend of yours.

I would not ask her to be in my bridal party if I were you, no freaking way. Her past history of the way she treats you is a good indication of how she will treat you in the immediate future. Trust Me.
Answered By: Common Sense - 1/5/2012
Additional Answers ()
This situation is tough...but this is a case where you need to think about YOU. Who cares if she gets mad, she can do whatever she wants at her wedding. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't regret inviting her for the rest of your life if that's what you didn't want to do. It doesn't matter if you met your fiance through her...she hasn't been a true friend. A bridesmaid is someone who truely cares about you and YOUR day...you honestly think she will? Be smart...and it may suck if she gets mad, but that's her own problem. A good friend told me once.."you can't control how others react..even if you make them happy...all you can do is control your own life and your own actions"..it really stuck with me..just keep that in mind. Your day is going to be very special...don't let some jerk ruin it for you. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDDING, AND AN EVEN BETTER MARRIAGE!!! Good luck :)
Answered By: Matin - 1/5/2012
She sounds like a real bummer to be around. Why would you want someone in your wedding party who isn't happy for you? Don't ask her to participate, just invite her as a guest. It doesn't sound like she's interested in being your friend any more. You'll be looking at your pictures for a long time.
Don't worry about upsetting her; she doesn't seem to return the concern.
Source(s):
wedding coordinator
Answered By: Alison - 1/5/2012
I don't think anyone can tell you what to do, but I do know this much: Your reasons for wanting to include her aren't particularly good ones. Just because her bro is in the wedding party doesn't mean she should be, and that would be true even if you still remained close.

And if you're tempted to ask her only because NOT asking her would be the final nail in the coffin of your friendship, this too is a bad reason.

If I were you, I'd try to figure out whether your closeness from high school was truly a close friendship, or whether it was more a high school thing and she's growing into an adult you don't particularly like. If it's the latter, just walk away from it. Maybe you can establish a new "adult" relationship if you become SIL's, but that's not a reason to have her in your wedding.
Answered By: Messykatt - 1/5/2012
Hmm, this is very tricky...
I am not very confrontational, so if this was me, I would keep her in the wedding...Just because in my head that would save the "fighting/drama" that being said, I know I would definatley kick myself in the ass, because I wouldnt WANT that, I would want, like you said, which is to have it be my special day and only have people that love me and are happy for me in my wedding... Ya know?
I'm not sure if this has been help, but I hope I could set your mind at ease a little.
Xoxo
Savanah
Answered By: SavanahMyRick - 1/5/2012
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