Do I have a right to feel angry?

After years of trying to cope with emotional abuse and issues tied to traumatic experiences (my mother murdered my brother, I was placed in fostercare, I've been on over a dozen behavior modifiers [Ritalin, Adderoll, Lexapro, Zoloft, etc....], I was sexually abused by another foster child, was sent away to boarding school where my best friend committed suicide, was expelled for something I didn't have anything to do with, lost a job, GF and apartment in the same month, became homeless, etc, etc, etc... ) I finally snapped last week and left Therapy because I felt that I was being manipulated by my Therapist. When I suggested I might be able to get myself together and try the G.E.D. she responded with extreme disgust & disapproval, and had suggested I had low self-awareness and unrealistic expectations. The next time we met she had a new Treatment Plan that included a sharp changed in my diagnosis. It used to be: Client presents with a history of the following symptoms: Social withdraw, Changed in sleeping patterns, Depressed mood, Suicidal Ideation, Difficulty concentrating, Anxiety, Trauma history, Manic behavior, Interpersonal conflict, Low self esteem, Lack of motivation. Now it says: Client presents with a history of the following symptoms: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Exhibits Attention-seeking behavior. I've had severe issues with social anxiety, paranoia, extreme self-hate & suicidal ideation for years, and being in a homeless-to-housing program already makes me feel as if I'm a drag on society to begin with. It took me years to get up the nerve to even make eye contact with her, let alone stopping my self from nervously shaking and fidgeting to suggest I might be able to do something besides manual labor, or just sit here collecting disability like I do now. At first, she said it was a misunderstanding and it wouldn't be on the next Treatment Plan, but she looked so hurt that I was offended by the new diagnosis, that I let it slide... and then she went on to say it was normal for people like me to have NPD. I was upset when found out it was still going to be on the next Treatment Plan when she indicated it would not be. After being confused by that, she went on talking about my abuse and how I'm supposed to show some accountability for it. like I had done something wrong. I was planning on killing myself because I know most people don't like me and I don't want to waste their tax payer money (SSDI), but I stopped when I watched a video online called "The Drugging of our Children" and realized all these years the meds and ignored abuse may have been what have been causing many of my troubles. The symptoms and feelings that the teens in the video echoed exactly with what I had been feeling for years. In the past when I had objected to the medication, they either increased it or changed it, and was told that I was being uncooperative when I complained about not feeling right. I feel angry. Extremely angry. I do not believe I am retarded, nor do I think it is unreasonable to see what things I might be capable of if I try (GED, school, work, etc.) I feel as if 20 years of my life have been taken from me. I have no violent tendencies, but this is really upsetting. I left Therapy, and have decided to stop taking the meds... not because I think I don't need any help, but because I feel the meds have left my mind fragmented and damaged, and that the Therapy was boarding on abuse. (I am currently seeking out support groups.) I think my past feelings and behavior are normal responses to trauma and abuse, and I think it would be healthier to understand them and figure them out then to just medicate them away, or to blame myself for the things that have happened to me. I don't want to be a victim. Do I have a right to feel angry? Or am I having an "episode" and should I just apologize?

Asked By: Chris D - 1/27/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I wish you would feel happy and better and I suggest that you talk to a therapist.
Answered By: shuuu - 1/27/2012
Additional Answers (1)
U have the right to be angry u need to do what ever u feel is right and a theripist shouldn't act in that way
Answered By: Shane - 1/27/2012
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