I feel like my life doesn't hold any purpose where I am at. Any advice?
Currently, I am an 18 year old freshman at a liberal arts college in a small town thirty minutes from my mom's house. Since the beginning of the year, I have felt that I just did not fit in my college as I expected. My classes are interesting, but almost too easy- except when it comes to homework (and Spanish) which seems to be the place where the teachers like to give busy work. I have a great scholarship (almost 23,000 dollars), and I couldn't complain about the atmosphere. I just feel that after this college experience, I am going to be stuck running in place as I write for the local newspaper that now has less than 500 subscribers. I think I have some writing capabilities which is what I was considering to be my major, but everything I write seems meaningless. I can not find a topic that is interesting. I used to write for the school paper, but all the important stories were pushed to the back for things like why the star quarter back cut his hair (here's a hint: he donated it so he could impress a cheerleader). All the clubs on campus that I might be interested in are filled with people who think I am strange mostly because I have a best friend who is loud and black (also, her roommate who is a great friend of mine is awkward and dresses on the more liberal side of the dress code). Whenever I try to interact with these people, they look at me as if I was an intruder in their little circle. Its like they judge before they try to get to know me. People here just think differently than I do. When I was in high school, I felt the same way and just could not connect with anything. So, I just told myself it was because I had been with the same people from first grade on and I just though differently (yeah, I went through *a lot* of phases [vegan anyone?]). Where I grew up was a close knitted community which focused mainly on God as a purpose to life. So, they did not question difficult things to answer very often. However, my family are a bunch of has-been Catholics still shaken up from the nuns. Needless to say, church was not a priority, and I did not fit in. My family is mostly far away or emotional wrecks pivoting on the verge of idiocracy. My mother is a recent recovering alcoholic who likes to compare everyday life to her 5-star rehab. My brother is a cocky stoner who thinks he is God's gift to women and uses his presumed status as our mother's favorite to have her pay for his rent, food, and X-box among other things. He hasn't held a job for more than a month in over 7 years. He's 23 now. The rest abandoned me after my father died when I was five. I would visit them during the summer, but they would never call or say anything helpful after things at home escalated (though, they did like to knock my mother behind her back). The only sane one around was my grandmother who recently passed away. When she went, it was like my own mother died (seeing as my real mother prefers to act like a hormonal teenager). In high school, I took many AP classes, but my school is very selective about which credits will transfer. Therefore, I have ended up repeating most of my classes from the past two years. This may sound fun and easy, but after a while, when my teachers require me to think about something in a different thought process or use different teaching methods, it just confuses me. Then, I begin to question why I even need to learn this again in this strange manner. On the other hand, I do have plenty of friends here. But, I don't feel as close to them as I should; it's like there is an invisible wall between me and them. I want to get close, and I've shared with my best friend on campus things from my past that I've never told anyone. I just keep thinking even when I say these things, that none of my friends really care. There's a space- I don't know how big- between me and the world, and it is keeping me from connecting. My first answer is to transfer colleges, but I do not know where. I turned down a full scholarship at one school (which was uber conservative and not my learning style) so I could come to my school which I believed to be a better fit. I am not going to lie, the school I attend was my safety. I used my mom as an excuse for a while in high school; it resulted in some pretty damaged grades. All the schools I wanted to attend (we're not talking anything thing even remotely similar to Harvard here), did not accept me, or I could not afford. So now, even though my grades are A's and B's, I probably don't have a chance at acceptance since transferring is about 10 times as hard. My second answer is to quit, but then I will never have a shot in the future at reaching any other college. My third is study abroad, but I don't speak any foreign languages. As I said before, Spanish is not my strong suit and I took four years of Latin, the dead language in high school. Besides, I can't afford it. So, I am stuck betw
Asked By: McKenzie - 3/12/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Well, to be frank, I think you're over-analyzing things. It actually sounds like things are going well for you. But you feel uncertain about the future. And there are things you don't like about your college and your life right now. This is completely normal for college students. Most of all, it seems like you... More
Answered By: Antst - 3/12/2012
Additional Answers (1)
Stop ending sentences with prepositions.
Answered By: Authentic Pocho - 3/12/2012
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