Does the beginning of my story make sense?
Meh, this is one of those middle of the night things that I dont take seriously. It probably only makes sense to me. But just curious... does anybody "get it"? What do you think is happening? Cause if it makes sense to someone else then I will continue it, otherwise I'll just stop writing it. ---------------------- One morning the Girl came to my room before sunrise. I was startled out of sleep by the sound of her opening the door, slowly/gingerly and wincing at every creak. She didn’t want her parents to know that she came. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and adjusting the black Raiders cap that rested on my head, all the while watching her warily. Perhaps she was just after a soda from my collection, or maybe it was one of those mornings where I had to leave early and go with her and hang out with spoiled richkids while she was at school. But no; that didn’t seem to be her intention. She walked right past me, ignoring the soda and myself and my room-mate, irrationally named Harpoon. Her eyes were on the shelf that lay along the wall on Harpoon’s side of the room; that shelf where mundane objects shared space with horror and science-fiction. I nudged Harpoon with an elbow, and he grumbled sleepily in response. His hair was wonderfully tousled in the morning, and though I didn’t have feelings for him he was still rather attractive in a wholesome suburban way. “Hey,” I whispered. “What do you think she’s doing?” Harpoon, who looked so thoroughly average he should have been named something sensible like John or Chris, opened his eyes and squinted in the Girl’s general direction. “Probably just looking for an old T-shirt or blanket in the rag box,” he said. “Kids have endless uses for that sort of thing.” “She’s sixteen, Harp. Nearly seventeen. If she wants a rag it’s probably gonna be for cleaning something. The kids won’t stay kids forever, you know.” Harp nodded, his eyes on the shallow thorn-bush scratches that graced the back of my Pearl Blue shirt. I’d gotten those just the day before, courtesy of the same Girl who was currently digging through various boxes on the shelf. She hadn’t meant to push me into that bush, and had actually apologized afterward, but it stung all the same. “No, guess not,” Harp muttered. “If she’s old enough to do that to you, I doubt she wants to play house or wash and dry the cat.” But Girl had bypassed the rag box entirely, instead choosing to wander into what, for her, had always been uncharted territory. She was rummaging through that box, the one neither Harpoon nor I ever wanted to see anyone looking through, pushing aside the wicked-looking medical instruments and picking up plastic liquid-filled bottles at random. "Huh," she whispered."Daddy must know what he's doing." Each bottle was glanced at, label-read, and quickly discarded. From my vantage point on the far side of the room, I couldn’t see which ones she was looking at. Harp picked up on my awkward position and leaned over so he could read the labels along with the Girl. “That’s soap,” he said. “And that one’s the drink, but it’s probably expired. Oh, and now she has her hands on some new blood…” “Seriously?” I asked, craning my neck for a better view. “What’s she gonna do with that?” We both stared at the Girl, dumbfounded, as she unscrewed the bottle and poured a small amber puddle onto the floor “It was black in the video…” she muttered, screwing the cap back on and putting the bottle back exactly in the same place where she found it. “Yeah,” I said sarcastically, knowing exactly which snuff film she’d been watching. It was the one where the government people were putting one of us down like a dog, just mercilessly killing him and chuckling at his awful screams (“Almost human,” one said to the other, as he leaned toward the carnage), and he’d spat out a boiling mouthful at the end. “It was black ‘cause it was doing its job. And the fact that they’d poisoned the poor guy probably didn’t help.” The Girl whirled around, spooked, eyes like saucers. “Hello?” she called. “Mom, Dad, are you up yet? I swear, I'm just getting a soda.” Harp and I said nothing, and the Girl slowly relaxed as the tension went out of her body. “Huh, Maddie, that freaked me out there.” Was I hallucinating, or did she seriously just talk to me? The Girl had named me a few weeks back, but had never addressed me directly.
Asked By: - 4/20/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Answered By: pj m - 4/20/2012
Additional Answers (3)
It's well-written, but no, I don't get it. Is she a ghost? Or are they ghosts?
Answered By: cathrl69 - 4/20/2012
I'm not entirely sure but this little bit does make me want to read more and find out! It seems a bit like they're vampires/blood consuming and are being discriminated against? Sorry if I'm totally off! It's written really well though!
Answered By: Erin - 4/20/2012
So... some sort of government experiment is going on, the girl's parents are obviously involved in it somehow if she could watch a video of the procedure of killing someone and have a box full of medical supplies... More
Answered By: Marissa Priore - 4/20/2012
Over 483 Local Jobs Now Hiring In Your Area. $18-$87/Hr - Apply Today!
Earn $95/hr Bookkeeping Right From Home. Free Video Explains All!
Click. Search. Apply. Free!
Jobs hiring now near your local area. Find a job and apply now.
Other Career Questions
What is your current job? Why did you choose this job? What do you enjoy about your job? What do you dislike about your job? What would be your perfect job? Would you rather have this j...
Where are the jobs? Is productivity and globalization creating a permanent “recession” of jobs? My main issue is I am doing a paper for school and have no idea where to begin. I was hoping suggestions...
Hi ok im 19 and about to start college to do an acess course into a university. Ive been browsing through all the courses and im tottaly stuck! I thought politics but im scared ill end up with some r...
Content is not owned or controlled by Monster. Any content concerns should be addressed with Yahoo!
Yahoo! Does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any Yahoo! Answers content. Yahoo! Disclaimer.
Best-Paying Work-from-Home Jobs
It’s easier than ever to work from home. Of course, not every job is a mobile job, and some companies aren’t interested in having their employees work from home.
2013 Marketing Jobs Outlook
The US may be facing another year of anemic hiring overall, but that won't be the case in the high-orbit world of multichannel, digital media marketing.
2013 Engineering Jobs Outlook
Engineers will find job opportunities in select disciplines in 2013, with candidates who are all-around, client-oriented businesspeople in demand.
Best-Paying Jobs by Major
What could you earn with a particular four-year degree? Find out by checking out this list of the top-paying jobs for 20 of the most common majors.
Eight High-Paying, Secure Jobs
Want to earn a good salary and enjoy a measure of job security as well? Check out these well-paying jobs on tap for fast growth in the coming years.