Is this a bad cover letter? Would you consider hiring me?

I'm applying for an internship at the office of a Congressional Candidate.The job description includes general office work, scheduling, attending community events, field organizing and managing the phones. I've worked as a cashier, usher, and phone banker/canvasser. This is my first cover letter for an internship. I tried to stay away from the bland and boring. But I'm not sure if it quite gets the job done. Any advice and pointers welcomed. I really want to get this job! Dear Mr. Daly: Okay. I’ll admit it. I just saw your posting for the office Internship for Pete Aguilar on UC Riverside’s Scotlink and almost jumped out of my seat. I can’t imagine a more exciting opportunity to experience part of the political world. Since my interest in politics first began, I have been eager to support and contribute to California’s Young Democratic leaders. Let me tell you three reasons you should consider me for this position: Good Communication & Writing Skills: In my previous positions, I have lead group activities and discussions as well as served as a presentation leader. I have absolutely no problem and actually enjoy speaking with members of the public. As a campaign worker, I have reached out to members of the community for their support via phone conversation, email, and community events. Working under Democratic National Delegate Amos Young, I wrote, proofread, and revised official statements and emails to community supporters and other correspondents. Smart & Eager to Learn: I graduated with the top 10% of my senior class with a 3.9 GPA and currently strive towards the same at my university. I fared exceptionally well in writing and language as well as mathematics. I have completed and excelled in coursework on various subjects: Political Science, Language & Rhetoric, etc. I truly enjoy learning new things, especially those with challenges I have yet to face. As a phone banker, I became a source of advice and counsel for a local candidate and my opinion has been sought in situations where resolutions have been much needed. Customer Service Skills: In my customer service roles, I worked effectively and efficiently to satisfy and fulfill the needs of the customer. I always put making sure the customer is taken care of at the top of my priority list. I pride myself in helping others feel comfortable and confident in their decision-making, whether it be making a purchase or endorsing a candidate. I am quite goal-oriented and always aim to achieve and exceed company expectations. My customer service and phone banking positions have offered me great insight on the inner workings of politics as well as the needs of those throughout the community. San Bernardino County Young Democrats is a place I know I can make a difference and with my experience organizing, handling phone and electronic communication sources, and working with people I feel I can make a great impact toward achieving the candidate’s goals. I would love to meet with you to discuss how I can make such a difference. You make contact me via phone (000) 123 -4567 and/or email I’ve also included my resume below. I look for to hearing from you. Best wishes, Cherri CONSTRUCTIVE criticism would be highly appreciated.

Asked By: cherricakes - 5/5/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
As a Republican, I think it's perfect :) Seriously, her's my suggestions. I cannot highlight, so just please closely look at both copies. Do not state the obvious, these are educated people. Underline the headings. I assume this is a volunteer position... More
Answered By: virtuallyretired - 5/5/2012
Additional Answers (1)
WAAAYYYYY too long. You use a lot of words to say nothing. "My customer service and phone banking positions have offered me great insight on the inner workings of politics as well as the needs of those throughout the community."- Ironic...that is bullshit worthy of a politician.
Answered By: Common Sense is dead - 5/5/2012
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