Miss Vanessa, very sorry for the rather dreadful life you apparently are struggling with. Very dreadful. So, you present you case to a rather global audience for input? Are you prepared for any sort of comments or opinions? Yes? Fair warning, I tend to be long because I give these answers a lot of thought. They are not one or two lines. Is that OK? Family. You live with grandmother. She is cold to you. So, where does the babysitting thing come from? You say your parents yell and force you to sit with your brothers and sisters? Kind of confusing. You say you are OK at school, good student, quiet and shy? Yet, you have chosen to smoke and to have sex? Is that quiet and shy sex with the boyfriend? Birth control used? You charge your parents that they "refuse to close their legs." That means irresponsible sexual conduct and popping out babies they cannot afford, according to you. OK. Kind of of bad situation at home. Crowded, no respect, anger issues, no discipline. But you, the shy and quiet one, the good student both academically and in behavior smoke (drink?) and have sex? Seems as if you cannot keep your legs crossed. Sorry, but those are the facts you represent in your statement. Fair? So far OK? I am just repeating your words. So, all I have so far in front of me is an angry, frustrated, sexually active, shy, good student, sixteen year old girl, with irresponsible parents, cold grandmother, forced into "slave" labor at home, that smokes and perhaps, drinks alcohol. Well, that is quite a story. As I said, dreadful life. Dreadful. So, what is the plan? Here is the commonality with others that have been in your situation. They go to live with boyfriend. They drop out of school. They get pregnant. Boyfriend leaves. Girl is alone, no family, no job, no income and pregnant. Some repeat this pattern with new boyfriend. End up alone, no family, no job, no income and now have two babies to feed. Then what? Welfare? Destitute? Broke? Then what? And this repeats and repeats. I wonder if this was the case with your mother! Please, do not repeat this huge error. OK? Take a deep breath and think of what is in YOUR best interest. May I suggest a few ideas? Stop smoking. It is expensive and very harmful to your body and makes you smell rather badly. Stop having sex. I bet you know very little about human reproduction, the organs, the names, the locations, the purpose, the diseases, your fertile days and how actually babies are made. You will be surprised as to what you do not know. This will get you pregnant. Your boyfriend may be having a good time but YOU might end up pregnant. Next, school. Congratulation on your academic achievements. So many do not. Continue until graduation. BE patient at home. Your parents, as bad as they are, could be worse. Attempt to minimize any fights or stress. Dump the boyfriend thing. Not in your best interest. You are just trying, and doing a good job, at imitating the bad behavior you are complaining about. Really. True statement. This is not in your best interest. Help willingly. Lots of "please, thank you, I am sorry, let me do that for you" expressions. You become interested in helping out with the house, the administration of the home (you need to know this because you will need these skills sooner than you think). Accept or refuse money for babysitting, but accept it with grace and dignity and save it. Do no spend it if possible. You shall need that as well in a couple of years. In short, you become the ideal family member according to THEM. The yelling shall stop, you shall hug and be hugged and enjoy the children and in a short 24 months, you shall be free, have money and skills to live on your own, if you wish, and then, you shall fly away into the sunset to live your life. Twenty four short months. Friendly, quiet, pleasant, agreeable, nice, warm, secure and enjoyable twenty four months. Nicer outlook that what is starring at your face at the moment. Yes? Willing to try? It shall be a challenge. But I promise you this. At age twenty you shall not even recognize yourself. There shall be a brand new person being reflected on that mirror into your eyes. The now boyfriend shall be a distant memory, you hair and skin and clothes will not reek of cigarette smell (yuck!), no children making a brand new hell for you, employed, happy, with friends, with events to enjoy, with new boyfriends with jobs, pleasant lifestyle, calm, life at your pace with your decisions to guide you. And all shall be good. Very good. Nice. Calm. I shall close with this: winners make commitments and losers make promises. Make the commitment right this moment. Be a winner. Remember, many people wish to see Rome, Italy but never make it happen. Please, make it happen for you. Twenty four months. No babies. No cigarette smell. A much better life. Much better. Can you do this? I did. Best wishes.
Answered By: Ramon C - 7/25/2012