Is this too boring for a first chapter?
I have got a , they are running away from monsters then it turns out its all a dream:( this isn't the whole thing just the first couple of paragraphs. ----------------------- I stared at my barren room. The pale pink wall paper had been peeled away leaving grey patches that were mostly covered with doodles from my childhood. The wardrobe looked so plain without all of my photos of me, my friends and celebrities. My bed was now just a frame and a mattress. That room held a lot of memories. My first words were spoken there, along with my first steps and then all the games I had played. The hours of Doctor Who I had watched, hiding under my duvet from the monsters. I have met people who have the perfect family, a mum and dad who are still with them and will be until the day they die. The people who will have been to a primary school, then an upper school and not had to move half way through. To me they have the perfect life. Well everyone seems to have a better life than me. Nobody ever wants to talk to the little girl with no family. You can’t imagine how many films I have seen showing a girl who is alone at the start and at the end has that Hollywood worthy boyfriend and ten best friends. I mean seriously nothing like that happens in real life and if you want to hear about a happy ending somehow I don’t think this is the book for you. Liz burst into my room with Thomas under her arm and Lewis tagging along behind his MP3 player plugged into his ears making him a zombie. "Ready?” She asked me picking a bin liner up with her spare hand. I could see she was trying to act cheery and was doing a good job. One minor fact she may have forgotten was that me and my brothers were being taken from our childhood home to live with some soppy strange. It was hard to even pretend to be happy but I forced a smile as I picked up the two remaining bin liners. “Yeah, I suppose so; I followed her out to the black people carrier that was now parked in the place of my dad’s Ferrari. How could she? I thought. It was still unclear to me why I was leaving. The people carrier was very claustrophobic once all our belongings had been piled in; its seats were worn cotton and stunk of, sick, coffee and sweat. We found it hard not to jump right back out, but the fact the doors had child locks on were a minor problem. ------------------------------ so please tell me what you think is it good or rubbish? Also how can I improve or shall I start over? Thanks
Asked By: Philippa - 8/14/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
It is not boring. It triggers (for me) a desire to find out just what is going on. I did notice some grammar and word choice errors. A recommendation: join the site www.writerscafe.org... More
Answered By: Rebecca Katashi - 8/14/2012
Additional Answers (2)
It is well written, there are a few minor issues, but those can be addressed later. Right now I advice you to finish writing your story, and then edit edit edit. Once you have completed the first draft of your story. Then get it edited, and polished, but first finish the entire first draft of the story... More
Answered By: CarsonG. - 8/14/2012
It really comes off as unnecessary to me. Nothing is really happening. I would suggest cutting this out, or including it later as she "remembers" this situation. Start instead where the action really starts - where things begin to get a little more interesting. This is just very slow, drawn out, and yes, a bit boring.
Answered By: ~MogMog~ - 8/14/2012
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