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why am i so unmotived? ariea?

jdjdI am Sun Aries House VI Moon Leo House X Ascendant/Rising Scorpio House I Mars Cancer House IX Venus Aries House VI Mercury Pisces House V Saturn Aquarius House IV Uranus Capricorn House III Neptune Capricorn House III Pluto - Scorpio House I Jupiter Libra House XII True North Node Sagittarius House III True Lilith Aries House V Asteroids Chiron Leo House X Midheaven Leo Part of Fortune Gemini House VIII Dominating Planets Mars/Pluto I thought aries were supposed to be full of energy and spontanious. I have hardly any social skills i have no goals i dont care i cant stand my mom she can be such a b*tch she is a cancer sun gemini moon scorpio ascendant. We barely get along shes constantly getting what i think is overly p****d off over such little things and my reaction is to be a b*tch back. Yeah i dont show the greatest efforts of appreciation saying thank you or sorry but thats only to her though i dont feel comfortable. I dont feel comfortable talking to her at all. Idk why i just dont trust her. My father killed himself before i was born and ive been thinking about doing the same. I have no family that i have a close connection with. I decided today that i am quitting drugs still smoking cigarettes for now. Because i want to evolve my soul past addiction. I have to 2 scorpio younger brothers and another baby scorpio brother that was born last year his father died about 2 months after he was born his dad was my cousin from my fathers side. He was the only person in family that i actually had somewhat of a connection with and now hes dead. Im just so fed up with everything. I got bullied a lot in school i was a very quiet to myself person. In highschool i started smoking weed and did just about every drug all the way to meth except heroin by the time i was 19 which is how old i am now. no heroin because my aunt was a heroin addict and a prostitute. my mom sheltered me from the world till her and her ex husband divorced (father of the 2 younger scorpio brothers) this was at the end of 8th grade we lived in a nice town i was not close with him he was a workaholic. And my mom was always on the computer 24/7 at the time. Then we moved to a very ghetto city lots of f*cked up things happened and i learned how f*cked up everything in the world really is. I went crazy for a very long time searching for purpose in life using psychedelic drugs till i did so much i freaked and was gunna kill people with just barely any self control i got myself to the crisis center after that no more psychadelics, meth was my new favorite introduced by my gay cousin. I used last a few days ago but no more drugs from today forward. But i am just so p****d off at everything the only thing keeping me from losing it is this one scorpio girl who her mom is a cop and i told the girl about my addictionns and she is helping me not use by talking to me we say we love eachother we have kept off and in contact for about 3 years we were dating back then but i stole from someone and her mom found out and as a cop she forbid us from seeing eachother. But now she is 18 with a baby she is a 1st stage scorpio and im trying to help her to through spirtual teaching. We hardly see eachother in person we live on opposite ends of the city. I get really p*ssed off thinking about her mom who needs to get the f*ck over herself and forgive and forget that happened years ago. Everything in this world just makes me angry i havent finished highschool i stopped going to smoke weed and get away from being bullied. But now im here living with my mom getting more and more p*ssed every day where i feel like if i dont figure out what to do im gunna lose my mind in an extreme fit of rage. Im not sure how thats gunna go but i dont think it will be good for anyone who gets in my way. Im a generally quiet person with literally no friends other than that girl. I have no job a strong somewhat hate for my mother for not making me feel comfortable enough to be there for me emotionally. A somewhat girlfriend not in a relationship but say we love eachother who i cant see because her mom is b*tch. So i really feel i have nothing to lose if i go insane. I dont want to but i can feel the hate burning inside me a hate for society. Im watching the world crumble on tv as the earth is overpopulated the economy sucks and society has so much hate. I feel i am a little more evolved as a human being and have deeo insight into spirituality. Which is what helps me be calm sometimes but i am just gunba lose it. Im starting to choose the other side. How can i be happy? Normal? Energetic? I also am unable to visualize mental pictures at all i have tried guided meditation and everything. I have let the world walk all over me for years and im gunna blow up.

Asked By: - 11/2/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
[Im starting to choose the other side. How can i be happy? Normal? Energetic... More
Answered By: SaggiMC - 11/3/2012
Additional Answers (1)
Your not evolved if you believe in love... LOL .... Well then take back your dignity Good luck my friend
Answered By: Invoker╨┐XD - 11/2/2012
 
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