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Short story about greek gods, suggestions?

So I have written a short story, where i have basically found information on greek gods, and then made my own 'myth' although its actually a short story, and its not really a myth... anyway i was hoping you could read it over, its not completely finished so on top of giving suggestions for improvement, can you also let me know if you are interested in reading more? Here goes: How did I get here? I am a messenger, not a fighter. I am Hermes, not a war god. Hermes was standing in a field, south of Agartha, the city at Earth’s core. To his left, Hermes saw a savage Calydonian boar run a spear through a centaur’s stomach, and to the right a two-headed serpent tailed dog that went by the name of Orthrus was fighting another one of Athena’s myriad warriors- and was evidently winning. He heard the distinct cries of vultures overhead as they chose their pray and the smell of death wafted through the noses of the living. These senses, the smell of the dying, the metallic taste of blood was all lost in the madness that is war. He heard a familiar choking sound to his right, pulling him out of his trance-like state. It was a warning from his half-horse half-rooster companion, the Hippalectryon. Hermes ducked just in time to avoid the fatal attack of Amphisbaena- the double-headed serpent. He swung his staff with such celerity it missed by far, leaving him wide open for attack. Fortunately, the Hippalectryon caught the serpent by surprise, and scared it away and no sooner did he leave too. That was just one of many ruthless attacks that he had missed by cowering behind a companion, and Hermes was cognisant of this incompetence that plagued him. He had to leave, but could not without being called a coward and banished from Athena’s kingdom. Suddenly an opportunity presented itself; up high in the sky, Hermes could make out the shape and body of Glaucus, Athena’s costant companion- an owl. He was flying alone, probably taking a message from Athena, but of course this made his job much easier. Hermes lifted off the ground, pumping his wings up and down. Suddenly copious amount of regular and flaming arrows darted towards him, forcing him to immediately drop to the ground. He wondered how the owl was travelling unharmed- until he realised that the clouds were shielding him from view. The only reason he could see him was due to his superior eyesight (at which point Hermes momentarily puffed his chest in pride, with this thought in mind.) All he had to do was get in those clouds as well, but how? Before he could think any further on the matter, a menacing growl came from behind. ‘You no fight, alas I will kill’ Hermes turned slowly around with a huge sense of foreboding. The voice was guttural and harsh, the sound grating on his ears. The creature spoke stilted Greek with traces of Grekanika- a dialect that Hermes understood fluently being the God of language- but humour was evident in his voice. A hostile smile spread over its face, revealing three sets of spiky teeth, one of the sets taking place of the tongue. The eyes were the size of a pinhead but the colours changed from blood red, to vicious green, eventually becoming completely white. Hermes’s very blood felt frozen, he started sweating and shook uncontrollably. He was petrified, and finally understood that the creature was a psychic vampire. Its purpose is to instil fear within another being and feed on it as it accumulated. Every bad and ugly thought ran through his mind at once. He thought of the death and disaster he had witnessed, each one flickering through his mind. He was close to collapsing, when another image popped into his mind. To the vampire it was just another thought, but Hermes was seeing his fear when he was told that he had to fight, for this war. Suddenly clarity pierced through his mind, as all his intentions came flooding back to him, as if a hole had been unblocked. I must catch the owl, I must catch the owl, I must catch the owl Hermes kept repeating to himself, and eventually he reversed the effect of the vampire, draining it’s power until it slumped onto the floor. Thanks (: xx

Asked By: - 11/8/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I don't think the world is waiting for this... At least I'm not, srry xx:)
Answered By: Minister of Silly Walks - 11/10/2012
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