Does this paragraph look correct?
I had to write a paragraph in school using vocabulart words. The underlined words are the vocabulary words. Here is the paragraph: After glancing at his room, John realized the room needed some work. John could no longer take the oblique pictures and cracked walls, so he set off to the mall. A tool store was his first stop in the mall. John wanted tools that would last for a while and not get worn out easily, so he went to the durable tools section. After that stop, John headed over to a poster shop. On the wall, John saw pictures of his idol, Elvis Presley, who he has always venerated and admired. John then walked over to a home decor store. While he was there, John tried out a massage chair. Although John enjoyed the massage very much, he was a frugal person and would never spend money on a luxury item. At the end of the day, John walked out of the mall with some tools, posters, and a relaxed back. I was wondering if this paragraph looks good. Grammer, usage, and mechanics count, so is this a good paragrah (as in no mistakes). Thank you.
Asked By: Yoshi - 12/7/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I would've used the pronoun "he" in a few places, as opposed to saying 'John' so many times. I like the ending, leaving with "some tools, posters, and a relaxed back." Good job P.S. It is grammar, not "grammer" (unless you meant the guy who played Frasier Crane)
Answered By: OneBadApple - 12/7/2012
Additional Answers (2)
I think you used oblique incorrectly. The rest sounds fine. Better look that one up.
Answered By: RED - 12/7/2012
It looks good Use a semicolon and no comma where you have the word "so"
Answered By: Casey - 12/7/2012
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