How do I know if there is something wrong with my mind?
Brace yourselves. I don't consider my dilemma an uncommon one but it will need to be explained in detail for any real resolve to come about. Ever since I was young my life has been incredibly, how do you say, inconsistent. My father is a doctor, quite shallow in emotion, and has much difficulty in being comfortable with expressing himself. I dont remember the last time i heard "I love you", "good job" or even got a hug o a pat on the back. I was never recognized. My mother comes from a very brutal history of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. I recall one story she told me about my grandfather whom id never met trying to kill his entire family by burning the house to the ground with gasoline when he was drunk. Upon being older and obtaining a wider view of life, I feel like my mom has serious behavioural issues only kept at bay by countless over exertions by other people to help her lead an emotionally misguided lifestyle. I am at peace with the fact that there is a lot that my parents don't understand about me and the world for that matter but it doesn't change my position in life. After dealing with the fallout of the divorce when I was 7 (I'm currently 22), my father seems to have receded into a lifestyle that is not overly abundant in caring though willing to accept. I assume his experience with my mother and his medical practice is what kept him on track to acceptance. I suffered form sever depression as a child or whatever you could pin it as. Several failed attempts at suicide, a drug addiction, countless emotionally abusive and manipulative interpersonal relationships, at times I would fall into mania, hysteria and when I was on drugs, acute psychosis. I recall many very disturbing traumatic events in very early life. I was menacing as a result of neglect and underdevelopment (Issues so severe id prefer them not on the internet.) I also had very little emotion toward others suffering, and some of the mentalities persist to this day, though they have been very well looked after by me and me only. In adolescence I was neglected on the edge of what you could consider tolerable and it only lead me to more confusion. My parents were absent and i was bounced back and forth between homes, schools, and social circles trying to find exactly where i fit in. I have had to provide most food for myself since the age of 12-13 years of age and was perpetually left alone for roughly 6 hours a day while I followed my dad around while he ran his practice, every day all day. I was also exiled from much of my family and fight contempt toward many of my immediate family due to their strict faith. They would gossip about me like i was some sort of pawn that had no relevance to their own personal shortcomings. Much of my life has been on the edge of what you could consider hard, my friends constantly tell me i'm making a bigger deal out of what has happened in my life and I should just toughen my skin. Ive been in and out of therapy for the past 10 years. I know that non of the psychiatrists were actually invested in my case, you cant blame them, its their job. In realizing all of this in early adulthood, Ive noticed a huge amount of logical and emotional potential in myself. I taught myself 4 instruments and can play them all fluently, as well as i can stump college graduates with questions in theory; my ability to learn is astounding. I bought a car and learned how to rebuild the motor just from reading, what makes it even more extraordinary is that i didnt know how to change a tire when i bought the thing, its now a fully fledged tuner car. when i was 13 i dismantled my mothers computer and put it back together with a new hard and disk drive and it still functioned perfectly . I am incredibly creative and can paint, write, read and understand very well. My social intuition is almost volatile and was the source of alot of negative relationships; i've now kept my negative feelings at bay and used my intuition to sense distress or confusion in their people. I feel quite often that i am a psychologist for every single one of my friends, it becomes rather overbearing. Im at where im at, and I try not to blame anyone or have contempt for my life situations. I still have episodes of acute negativity, impulsivity, hysteria, recklessness,inattention and depression. I feel like im always giving and never getting. my last therapy appointment left me feeling more upset than better, he coined it as ADHD and wants to leave it at that, but i know its deeper. I want to excel at life by being a psychiatrist and being self sufficient. These episodes get in the way constantly. I dont know what to do or how to feel anymore, im becoming more numb every day. I fear of slipping into another disorder. Is there anyone out there?
Asked By: THE - 12/11/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I understand the situation you are dealing with as I have never had a father figure to tell me 'i love you' because he left when I was an infant. You seem to be a hard worker which will get you far in life, but won't do you any good in this emotional state. I would advise visiting a counsellor EVERY week, it not more... More
Answered By: Conor - 12/11/2012
Additional Answers (3)
Hello, I didn't bother to read your details because they weren't organized nicely.
Answered By: Darkheart1723 - 12/11/2012
mmn apply these principles... More
Answered By: phillip b - 12/11/2012
Answered By: Lizzy - 12/11/2012
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