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We plan to move in together, my boyfriend took a loan and bought an apartment. How should we share the costs?

I'm having a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (10 000 kms). We lived together for some time, but then I had to come back to my country and finish my studies. Our initial plan was to rent an apartment together in his country. In the meantime his aunt offered to sell him an apartment for a very good price, so his dad lend him some money and he bought it. He asked me what I thnk about it, but I'm 10 000 kilometers away so I just said "Baby, it's your money, I haven't even seen this apartment, do what you think is right.". So he bought it and immediately got very attached to that place. Now he wants us to move into that very apartment and share the costs of installments, so basically we'll be paying back to his dad together, but eventually he will be the only owner of this apartment. Financially for me it's the same - to pay half of the rent to a landlord I don't know or to pay half of installments to my boyfriend, but... for me there is something plain wrong in offering your girlfriend to pay half of YOUR debts. By 'rent' I understand the payment you pay to someone for just living in his place, without fees for gas, electricity, water and so on. I don't want to use him, so I offered that we could rent an apartment anyway, like we initially planned, I'd pay my half, he'd pay his half and he could rent his own apartment out, so the money he gets for renting would pay his installments. He agreed on this solution, but he's not happy about it. I don't know where do those differences come, maybe those are cultural differences. All my friends are either renting an apartment together, or taking a loan together, or if one of them is lucky enough to own a property, the other person just moves in and covers his/her part of costs (food, electricity, gas, water, small renovations), without paying a rent. I asked people from my country and they were saying "If this relationship is serious for him, he should make her a co-owner of the part of that apartment, which is proportional to the amount she pays to him. If this relationship is not serious enough for him to do it, they should live like flatmates, sign a contract and she should pay him as much as he wants". So that's why I'm asking you guys: Maybe it's just a cultural difference and what's obvious for people from here is not obvious for people from there and vice versa. I'm leaving all my life here, friends, family and a d**n good job to be with him, and if it's not serious for him, then... it's just sad. And I really love this guy. Really-really. There is no other person in the whole world whos personality clicks so much with mine. Sooner or later I want to take a loan for my own apartment and I'll need to pay my own debts. Also, I'm not a big fan of co-owning anything, especially an apartment abroad. So, please tell me: Am I overreacting or is he just offering an unacepptable deal? Please, answer only if you're an adult: earning and dealing with your own apartment issues.

Asked By: - 12/17/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I agree with you. It's not cultural differences. I don't think so, it's only his own terms and plans that counts for him. Yes, don't settle for less and don't pat him and his the only owner of that apartment. If he is fair and serious with you, he'll include you with his future plans and life and that includes offering... More
Answered By: l - 12/17/2012
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