How can I best help my parents solve their marital issues?
My parents have been married since 1985. They immigrated and started living in the US in 1986. They have four children, three of which are above 18. What I thought was a happy marriage has been unraveling before my eyes. My mom had a health scare in January 2011. She took nearly eight months off of work. I assumed that it was because of health issues, but there's more to the picture. She was diagnosed with depression and began seeing a psychiatrist. I thought the depression was from her physical health, not knowing that my mother was struggling emotionally. Since May 1988, my mother has worked two full time jobs as a nurse. She only quit one of her jobs in July of 2012. She now has a sole job as a nurse manager at a big city hospital. She has been stressing and killing herself since the late 1980s to be able to provide for our family, even despite our pleas for her to work one job. It hurts me, but I am grateful because I know none of us ever went hungry. My father has a job as a computer engineer with a well known corporation, but, to my astonishment, it does not pay well. My father makes four times less than what my mom was making with her two jobs. With her sole job, her annual income is still at least 2.5 times more. She revealed to my older sister and I, today, that her younger brother spoke with our father years ago. Our uncle asked our father how he could allow his wife to work two strenuous jobs and be the primary provider for the family. He also asked our father to look for a better paying job, which he never did. As with many failed marriages, finances are the brunt of the issue. My mother told us that whenever we traveled, she paid for the trips. $12,000 to take the family to New York some years back came out of her pocket alone. We also took a trip overseas two years ago, which she paid for. She said she has taken as much as $100,000 from her retirement funds to pay for trips, bills, and other things for which my dad has needed money. I doubt if my father had a better paying job that this issue would be as obvious as it is or even exist. Initially before talking with my mom today, I thought my older sister and I could have a meeting with our parents and find solutions to help move the family forward. However, after hearing everything my mother has told us today, I feel like the solutions are few, if any at all. How on Earth can I bring my parents together with such deeply rooted issues? It seems my mother is holding a lot against my father, and I can't blame her. I don't know what I can do as her child, to help the situation. My goal is to keep my family somewhat intact until my youngest sister, a preteen, finishes high school. Any and all help would be appreciated.
Asked By: StrandedSon - 12/28/2012
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
You can't! They are adults and they make decisions for the family. They decide what to do with their money and if they (she) have regrets, they need to work it out. The burden of their marriage cannot fall on their children... More
Answered By: amiga - 12/28/2012
Additional Answers (1)
Sit down and have a talk with both of them...separately and ask if there is anything you can do to relieve some of the stress. If they say no...don't push it. Let them handle it.
Answered By: Poohcat1 - 12/28/2012
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