How do i get out of this lazy hopeless rut?
For the past 3 years almost, I've been really sinking lower and lower until I think I hit rock bottom but it turns out I go lower still. It started out with me ditching class and now I'm flunking for this 3rd time. ALL of my classes. I haven't even gone to school in.. I'd say 3 months, and before that it was 1 week on and 2 weeks off more or less. I really don't know what to do. I'm 17 and I'm only beginning grade 11 with 3 grade 10 courses left. My life is a mess. I stay home all day on the computer or watching tv. Sometimes reading or doing searches on topics I am interested in. School is so boring when I do go, and my social anxiety makes me feel weird around everyone including my teachers. I can't even ask a question without mentally freaking out. Plus the curriculum is boring and moves at an excruciatingly slow pace. It's like it's meant for dumb people. I know i HAVE to go because it's school and it's what lets you into interesting courses after high school, but for some reason no matter what I can't find motivation. I don't even see my friends anymore from my old school. I don't call my friends and I leave my phone off because of anxiety. I feel like my friends are embarrassed of me when we meet up with people I don't know. It's an irrational fear I think, but I can't help but think it. Maybe they are, but are too nice to say anything. I don't go to school because I think about how I need to keep contact with my friends, and then I don't see my friends because I'm thinking about school. Also many other reasons besides that, but that's a common irrational thought. I just can't get my butt moving. I've never even had a job yet. I'm gaining weight, I can't believe I'm not fatter than I am and I've scratched my pimples to scar my face. I just.. I don't know what to do. It seems impossible to get off the couch. I'm just too nervous. I jump and my heart beats erratically every time the phone rings in case it's my friends. I'm so ashamed. How can I fix this? I'm seeing a counselor over the phone, but it is not helping much. I'm living like a lifeless zombie. Do you think there's a chance I need some sort of medication? What can I do to decrease my anxiety? I'm so lost. I feel very spiritually advanced, but I am so sensitive and anxious around people of getting my feelings hurt that I panic and my mind shuts down and I can't even think straight or say much. I act weird and jumpy too. Even at school I find it awkward when teachers say hi or when I'm even in the hallway at the same time as anyone else and that is almost all the time. I can never seem to make new friends even though I try to look calm which I think I manage to do. It's just that when someone talks to me I think the illusion breaks. Also a big part of my anxiety is not having that many clothes. I HATE shopping for clothes. I rarely find anything I like. I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I keep getting paranoid that people think I am dirty because I don't have a big variety of clothes. I feel like people always think I'm gross or that they pity me. I have no one I can talk to. I don't want to suicide myself, but I've fantasized about taking away my worries. I'd NEVER want to actually go through with it though. Whenever I manage to go out, it turns out to not be that bad, but I still get freaked out. I get an adrenaline rush from anxiety, and when I get back home, my head clears and it's like I pressed a button to stop stress. I'm so addicted to doing nothing because of lack of stress. And also whenever I get home, I think about how embarrassing I acted while out. Even if I was alone. Because when I am out, I can't have a deep thought so only when i get home I realize how dumb I must've looked out there. Like just walking in the street with a weird face on or a weird walk or whatnot. But mostly if I talk to someone. When I'm out the whole time I'm thinking, you don't look dumb, you are just like another person on the street. You don't stick out, you are one with the crowd, but whenever I meet up with someone I freak out. I get dizzy and I can't think straight. I probably look like i need to fart. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME? Thanks for reading this whole thing if you did, I really appreciate it.mAny and all answers are appreciated, but please read the whole thing if you do answer. Thanks once again :) I just feel so hopeless. I'm lost on what to do. I feel so ashamed too. I know I should just do it, but my body won't listen to my mind. I don't think I even want to do anything. I just want this to stop. I don't know how.
Asked By: Gurl - 1/19/2013
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
It sounds like you are suffering from depression and social anxiety disorder. Talking things out with a therapist in person and taking medication can help you. Please see someone about getting help, what you are going through is something a lot of people have issues with and it is treatable. Talk to your guidance... More
Answered By: shawn - 1/19/2013
Additional Answers (2)
Does your school have councilers? Go see them and tell them what is on you rmind. Many schools have an alternate track, and may be able to find a program that catches you rinterest.
Answered By: steve - 1/19/2013
Hey, This is your life and you can make it as you like. You can design it to your standards. What do you want to do? To help with anxiety watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1RzqGnNilU
Answered By: Aaron - 1/21/2013
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