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How else can I screw with my kids?

I'm trying to think of ways to mess with my kid's heads. So far I've got: 1. Nod my head up and down when I say "no" and side to side for "yes" 2. make up gibberish words for common objects. 3. Die the milk blue or green at various times a year and tell them that's just what happens sometimes to milk. Then they will grow up thinking that the milk naturally turns colors on occasion and their friends will think they're insane. 4. Whenever i have to sign something for school, I will do it in pencil and erase several times, so it looks like they forged it and they will get into trouble. 5. Occasionally I'll make a chocolate-type dessert and cover it with gray, coarse sugar and pretend I picked it out of the cat litter box, and then I'll eat it after dinner. But, I'll treat it how adults treat alcohol and say things like "no, you can't have any. This is only for adults. Kids wouldn't like cat poop" 6. Have a room or door that's always locked and tell them their older bother lives there and can't come out. If they ask why, I'll say, "He really didn't do anything wrong, he just wasn't that interesting". 7. Give them odd chores like dust the underside of all the tables and shelves and have them count to make sure all 200 tooth picks came in the box. (that actually might be educational). 8. Tell them that indeed money does grow on trees. My job is to harvest the money and then put it in the bank. That's where I go all day. I will sometimes glue money to the trees outside to confirm this truth. 9. Make up a wonderful place better than Disney World and tell them we'll get there eventually. Keep telling them this until they're old enough to realize I'm lying. (this one is probably too mean). 10. Tell them there's a God. (I actually don't find this one very entertaining, I just wanted to say it first before any people in Y!A world say it.) Any other suggestions? I'm looking for humorous answers Jack. Thumbs down to you for being so serious. Sorry I wasted your precious time while you're answering stranger's random questions. By bad. Didn't realize you were so busy. I like the history one. Or possibly that slavery was just abolished like 10 years ago and every black person you see is just recently free. Thanks Rikki. Exactly what i'm looking for. The Oreo one is great. I guess this joke is over your head Mom? Fun fact: There was a time in my life when my shoe size was larger than my age i.e. I was 11 wearing a size 12.

Asked By: - 1/29/2013
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
here are other things you can do :p Surprise... More
Answered By: Rikki - 1/29/2013
Additional Answers (4)
Tell them they can find a new father by calling social services. Then the joke will be on you.
Answered By: Jack - 1/29/2013
 
Heres a suggestion stick to masterbating and stop wasting people's time
Answered By: Scatteredmist - 1/29/2013
 
first, i would just like to say, you are my freakin' hero!!! i have been trying to come up with things like this as well. may i suggest, teaching your children something fundamentally wrong about history. like that m.l.k. jr. was pro slavery, or that gerald ford was the first black us president.
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Answered By: Random Guy - 1/29/2013
 
im all up for a joke here.... but what your doing is being cruel... act your age, not your shoe size edit::: awe boo hoo baby thumbed me down.... like i care? cps should be on you.
Answered By: Upset Mom - 1/29/2013
 
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